


Avenues of Communication

by Laparoscopic



Category: Katawa Shoujo
Genre: AU Path, Accident, Birthday, F/M, Illustrated, University, Vacation, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2019-09-22 15:54:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 73,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17062631
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laparoscopic/pseuds/Laparoscopic
Summary: Shizune's means of communication undergo some changes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And now! With a musical accompaniment. Feurox wrote a piece of music, _Different Frequencies_ , inspired by Shizune in this fic. See it on [YouTube](https://youtu.be/S1TiKC6HlJE). With many thanks to Feurox!!

Shizune screamed.

It was not a sound that any of us had ever heard before. I think it was that sound, even more than the spectacle of her tumbling down half a flight of stairs, that froze everybody to immobility and silence for a long heartbeat.

Then the frozen moment broke, and Misha dashed down the stairs and dropped to the floor. She cradled Shizune’s head in her lap. “Shicchan, I’m sorry, so sorry, please be all right, oh god, be all right,” she babbled, looking utterly terrified. Shizune was curled up on her side, her left arm clenched tight in the grip of her other hand.

I also ran down the rest of the flight of stairs, but I continued past Shizune and Misha the short distance down the hall to the nearest medical emergency call button and slapped it. Apparently none of the staring bystanders around us could think to do that obvious task. Then I paused, bent over, hand on my chest, terror and the short sprint having accelerated my heart an unfortunate amount. After several gasping breaths, I decided that I wasn’t going to have a heart attack today, and hesitantly stood upright. Thankfully, I didn’t pass out, so I turned and staggered back to Shizune and Misha. I dropped to my knees beside the two of them and tried to assess Shizune’s condition.

The arm Shizune was holding cradled to her chest…looked like it had two elbows. Blood was dripping from the place of the second “elbow” in the middle of her forearm. Shizune was no longer screaming, but she was making a continuous high-pitched, piteous whine of pain. She would have hated knowing she was making that noise.

“Misha? Misha!” I tried to get her attention, but she was wholly focused on Shizune. Given that her position holding Shizune’s head didn’t seem to be adversely affecting Shizune’s arm, I decided to ignore her.

I tried to give Shizune a reassuring smile, but it was probably more of a grimace. I wasn't sure if she even saw me. I gently tried to pull her hand away from the broken arm, but she clenched it tighter.

Blood was trickling down Shizune’s arm to puddle on the floor. Her shirt sleeve was soaked and stuck to her skin. I clenched my teeth and swallowed hard against nausea when I saw the grey and red end of a broken bone poking out through her skin and the sleeve. Pressure on the wound would probably only cause her more pain, I thought. Maybe put a tourniquet on the upper arm to slow the flow of blood? Shit, I wished I knew more first aid. I glanced up at the crowd of stunned students gathered around us, staring at the spectacle.

“Where the hell is the staff?” I growled. What was the point of having emergency call buttons if no one responded to the damn call?

As if in response to my question, the gawking students pulled away to the sides of the hall, making way for a trio of medics, lead by Nurse, running down the hall. Nurse had a medical bag in hand, and the two behind him, a man and a woman, were pushing a rolling stretcher.

“Nakai! What happened?” Nurse barked. Gone was the warm and fuzzy nurse who made mildly inappropriate jokes with me while taking my blood pressure and listening to my heart. He focused in on the bleeding Shizune with a laser-like intensity.

I found myself responding to his intensity in kind. I flung myself back away from Shizune, to give him access to her, and said, “Shizune fell down the stairs and broke her arm.”

“Mikado?”

“She’s not hurt, just scared.”

“Right. You?”

It took me a moment to get what he was asking. “I’m fine.” I was panting and my heart was racing, but it didn’t feel dangerous.

“Good, then you deal with Mikado.”

Oh, great. I stood up and circled Nurse and Shizune, trying to get to Misha so I could get her disengaged from Shizune.

Nurse began to pull bandages and a splint out of his kit, and the other two medics shooed the students away from us as they pulled a back-board off the stretcher. Of course; any fall with a force great enough to snap her arm like that might have damaged her spine, too. You didn’t become a medic at Yamaku by taking things like that for granted.

“Crap. Nakai. Change of plans, I need you to translate, I can’t sign and work on her arm at the same time.” I moved back to crouch beside Nurse, putting myself in Shizune’s line-of-sight. She was whimpering more quietly now, her eyes glazed with pain. I realized she didn’t have her glasses on, and looked around for them. With impeccable timing, I heard a _crunch_ of broken plastic under the foot of the male medic as he moved to Shizune’s feet with his end of the back-board.

Okay, I’d just have to make my signs broad and large. “What should I tell her?” I asked Nurse.

“Ask her if she has any other injuries she’s aware of.”

[Any other hurts you?] I signed, my vocabulary and grammar failing me a little in the strain of the moment.

I wasn’t sure if she’d noticed my signing at first, but after a moment she gave a tiny nod, [Yes.]

“Yes,” I said, just in case Nurse was too focused on what he was doing to her arm to see her nod.

“Crap.” I could understand his frustration. With her arm injured, she was effectively mute, so asking her _where_ was pointless. “Run down a list for her. Spine, head, other arm, legs, knees, pelvis, teeth, et cetera.”

I didn’t know the signs for half of those, so I’d have to finger spell them. Shizune’s gaze was vague and foggy as she looked at me. [Spine hurt?]

[No.]

[Head hurt?]

[Yes.]

“She says her head hurts.”

Nurse grunted. “Not surprising. Possible concussion with a fall like that.”

“Her pupils don’t match,” I said, worried. I’d seen enough medical dramas to know that that wasn’t a good thing. Nurse grunted again.

“Marada, is the ambulance here yet?”

The male medic glanced toward the front of the building. I looked too, and could see flashing lights reflecting off the front doors, heard the sound of sirens dopplering closer to us. “Almost here,” Marada said.

“Okay, I’ve got her arm stabilized, let’s get her loaded so we can get her out of here as quickly as possible.”

Somehow the female medic had managed to get Misha to let go of Shizune, and the three professionals gently and quickly slid Shizune onto the backboard, then lifted her up onto the wheeled stretcher. They strapped her in, then Nurse and Marada quickly pushed her toward the front door.

I stared after them, too stunned by the whirlwind of what had just happened to get up and follow. I was startled to realize I was panting as if I’d just run a race with Emi. Reaction and adrenaline, I guessed.

As the stretcher disappeared out the door, I turned to look at Misha. She was curled up against the foot of the stairs, sobbing quietly. I hadn’t known Misha could do _anything_ quietly. The female medic was crouched beside her, one hand on Misha’s shoulder.

“Shh, shh, she’ll be all right, it’s just a broken arm, and they’ll have her to the hospital in no time,” the medic said quietly, trying to calm and reassure Misha.

It _wasn’t_ just a broken arm, but telling Misha that probably wouldn’t help anything at this point, so I kept quiet. Quite aside from a concussion, a break that bad might require surgery, and who knew what other injuries she’d sustained in her fall. Lots of bruises, at the very least. And she’d probably be in a cast for months, seriously limiting her ability to speak. Very few signs were single-handed ones, so she would probably be reduced to finger-spelling an inordinate amount for the next however many months.

I scooted across the floor to Misha, then grimaced as I realized I’d just dragged myself through the puddle of Shizune’s blood. I glanced at my hands, then tried to wipe my bloody left hand clean on my pants leg before placing my hands on Misha’s shoulders.

“Misha? Misha!” I gave her a gentle shake. She didn't respond at all, just stared blankly at the stairs.

“Give her a minute,” the woman said, placing a restraining hand on my arm.

I glanced at her—her name tag said Nurse Ota—and I nodded. I ducked down a little, to put my eyes in line with Misha’s vacant gaze, trying to make eye contact with her. “Misha? She’s going to be fine, Misha. She’s going to the hospital. They’ll set her arm, she’ll be fine.” I kept repeating variations on that for a minute before Misha’s eyes finally focused on me.

“H-hicchan?” Misha whimpered.

“Yeah?”

“It’s all m-my fault, Hicchan.”

“No, it’s not, Misha. I was there. She just took a bad step.”

“No. It _wasn’t_ just that. I bumped into her. I…I got dizzy and swayed and bumped into her. She was looking at me, signing at me, and not looking where she was walking, and then when I bumped her…” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “If we hadn’t been arguing…”

I tried to smile reassuringly at her. “If you hadn’t been arguing, it wouldn’t have been Shizune. You know she loves a good fight.”

“But not with me…”

I hadn’t realized she was wearing eye makeup until I saw the dark streaks running down her face. I reached out to brush the tears from her face, then jerked my hand back when I realized I hadn’t gotten all of Shizune’s blood off of my hand. I shuddered. The last thing Misha needed was Shizune’s blood on her face. I grimaced as I realized I’d left a vague bloody handprint on her shoulder, too. Hopefully someone could get her to change her shirt before she noticed.

Nurse Ota seemed to realize what my problem was, and she handed me a moist towelette to clean my hands. “Thank you,” I said. Unfortunately, Misha’s attention to the outside world had returned enough that she noticed what I was doing. She stared at the red-stained wipe in my hands, then closed her eyes and whimpered some more.

“Ohhh, Shicchan~…” She slumped forward, as if she were going to fall to the floor, and I caught her and wrapped my arms around her.

“It’s all right, Misha, she’ll be all right,” I murmured. She nodded against my chest, and held me tight for a long while.

Nurse Ota persuaded the two of us to go back to our rooms to clean up. She said that Shizune would probably be in surgery for a few hours, so there was no point in our rushing to the hospital immediately. Her clean-up of the accident site completed, she took Misha in hand and lead her back to the girls’ dorm. That left me to stagger back to my room under my own power.

As I went, I tried to reassure myself just as I’d reassured Misha: Shizune would be all right.


	2. Chapter 2

I spent far too long in the shower, washing off Shizune’s blood, trying to relax, but eventually I realized I was stalling. I _really_ didn’t want to go to the hospital. But my girlfriend was there, probably in pain, and I should be there to comfort her if I could. So I swallowed my discomfort and got dressed and headed out. But when I got to the hospital, I was told she was still in surgery, so I ended up waiting anyway.

When I went to the waiting room to, well, _wait_ , Misha was already there. Thankfully, she had changed her shirt, so she was no longer sporting my bloody handprint on her shoulder. She looked up as I entered the room, then she sprung to her feet and threw herself into my arms. I gasped a little, staggering back, but fortunately the points of impact on my chest were cushioned enough that it didn’t hurt. Under other circumstances I might have more fully appreciated the soft warm feel of her body pressed against mine, but at the moment I was grateful for her lush feminine padding for more pragmatic reasons. _Heh. Saved by the boobs._

She didn’t seem to notice my momentary pained reaction, but buried her head against my shoulder. “Oh, _Hicchan_ ,” she whimpered, but then, unusually for her, she seemed to run out of words.

I raised my arms and hugged her back for a moment, taking comfort in feeling close to someone else who cared for Shizune as much as I did. I ran my hands up and down her back, soothing her, and said, “She’s going to be fine, Misha. The doctors will take good care of her.”

“I know, Hicchan, I know,” she said quietly. The lack of volume, and her usual boundless good cheer, was unnerving. We stood like that for a while, until I felt my shoulder getting damp from her quiet tears. I gently let go of her, and steered us toward a couch, where we sat down together. In a show of good planning, many of the end tables in the waiting room had tissue boxes on them, and I pulled a few tissues out and handed them to Misha.

She gave me a tremulous smile. “Thank you.” She dabbed her eyes dry—her makeup was gone, too, I noticed—then she blew her nose with enough force to make me jump a little at the sound. I looked away from her, embarrassed, and grabbed a few more tissues to cover my reaction. As I turned back to her and handed her the tissues, she gave an apologetic smile. “Sorry. I just…I’m worried about Shicchan.”

That was four sentences in a row from her without her trademark laugh. I was worried about Shizune too, but there wasn’t anything I could do to help the surgeons. So I focused some of my worry on Misha.

“She’ll be fine, Misha,” I repeated. Then I remembered what she’d said when the ambulance had taken Shizune away. “It wasn’t your fault that she fell. You didn’t bump into her on purpose. It was just an accident.”

Misha closed her eyes and shook her head. “But she wasn’t looking where she was going because she was looking at me, ‘listening’ to me. If I hadn’t been talking to her—arguing with her—she wouldn’t have had to look at me to know what I was saying.”

“I’ve seen you and her talking on the stairway before. Heck, I’ve talked with her while walking too. That wasn’t the problem. It was just an accident. You bumped into her—not even very hard—and she slipped. Took a mis-step. Nothing more.”

Misha shook her head, looking like she didn’t believe me, but she didn’t say anything else. The fact that the two of them had been arguing at the time probably just compounded Misha’s sense of guilt. After several long moments of silence, she sighed deeply, and leaned against me. I wrapped an arm across her shoulders, and together we settled down to wait.

 

* * *

 

I hadn’t been aware of falling asleep, but I opened my eyes to see Nurse standing over me, gently shaking my shoulder. I tried to sit up straighter, only to realize that my left arm was pinned under a sleeping Misha. My shoulder was wet again, but not from tears this time.

“Hey, Nakai,” said Nurse quietly. “Kinda thought I’d find you two out here, though I didn’t didn’t expect to find you sleeping together.” He was sufficiently deadpan that I wasn’t totally sure if the double-entendre was intentional or not.

Oh, who was I kidding? It was Nurse. Of _course_ it was intentional.

I was too tired to banter, or even blush. I looked over at the wall clock. Only a little after ten? It felt like it was the middle of the night. It had to be ten in the evening, not the next morning, right? The windowless room messed with my sense of time.

I tried to sit up a little straighter, and Misha mumbled, “Shicchan?” as she opened her eyes and sat up. She blinked at me, then at Nurse, looking confused for a moment, then she repeated, “Shicchan~?” more urgently, directed at Nurse.

“She’s fine,” he said with a small smile. “The surgery went well, her arm is set. They attached plates to the bones in her forearm to make sure they heal properly, and they’ve splinted the fingers on her right hand. Her concussion isn’t as bad as I’d feared at first, no signs of internal bleeding. There were no other injuries aside from assorted bruises.”

I frowned. “They splinted her right hand? I thought she broke her left arm.” I hadn’t even noticed anything wrong with her right hand, although admittedly I had been distracted by the blood and the screaming.

“She did. But she also broke two fingers on her right hand in her fall. Fortunately, it was the ring and little fingers, so she can still hold things with the other three.”

Holding things wasn’t the main issue here, really. Misha seemed to have the same thought. “How is she going to talk?” she asked.

Nurse pulled a chair over to sit down in front of us, and I realized that he looked tired, too. Accompanying a student to the hospital must be a distressingly regular occurrence for him, but I doubted it ever got easy. For a change, this time it was because of an accident, not because of anyone’s disability.

Although the accident was certainly going to have an impact on Shizune’s disability.

“Short term, she’ll probably be able to hold a pen with her fingers and thumb, although it will be painful while the other two fingers heal. Additionally, I’m going to get her a keyboard to type on, like some of the speech-impaired students use. Long term…” He hesitated, looking at us. “Actually, long term, I think the two of you could be of some help.”

“We’ll do whatever we can to help~!” said Misha excitedly. “Right, Hicchan? Wahaha~!” It was the first time I’d heard her laugh since Shizune’s fall.

“Of course,” I said, although I wanted to know what we were pledging ourselves to.

“Long term, I think Hakamichi would benefit from having speechreading and speech instruction. But she’s refused to take those courses in the past, so…if the two of you could help talk her into it, it would be helpful.”

“She’s refused?” I asked, startled. I’d learned during my sign classes that lip reading, or speechreading as it was more accurately called, wasn’t as easy and accurate as TV or movies made it seem, and some people just couldn’t get the hang of it. I’d assumed that Shizune, for whatever reason, was one of those who couldn’t do it, not that she’d refused to try it. Since I knew how touchy she could be about things beyond her abilities, I’d never asked her about it.

Misha’s brief good cheer at the prospect of having something she could do to help Shizune faded, and she looked sad. “Oh. _That_.” The news that Shizune had refused to take those courses didn’t seem to be a surprise to her, but then, she’d known Shizune a lot longer than I had. She sighed. “We can try, Nurse-san, but getting Shicchan to change her mind about _anything_ can be…difficult.”

Nurse gave a wry little smile of agreement. “Well, I’m confident that if anyone can change her mind, it’s you two.”

“We’ll try,” I said. “No promises, though.”

“That’s all I ask.” He glanced at his watch. “She should be waking up shortly. Let me go check, then I’ll come get you for a brief visit if she feels up to it. Just a couple of minutes, mind you.”

“Of course. Thank you, Nurse.”

He left us sitting there, and I took the opportunity to stand up and stretch. I felt a little stiff from sleeping sitting up. I spotted some vending machines on the other side of the waiting room. “I’m going to get a drink, Misha. Do you want anything to eat or drink?” I looked at her, still sitting on the couch. She was staring at the floor, shoulders slumped, and didn’t seem to hear me. “Misha?”

“Hmm?” She looked up at me. I was still getting used to seeing her with short hair, even though it had been several weeks since she got it cut.

“Do you want anything from the vending machines?”

“Oh. No, thank you, Hicchan.”

I bought a melon soda for me and a strawberry milk for her, since I’d seen her drink it in the past. Even if she didn’t think she wanted it, she needed to get some calories into her; we’d both missed dinner, and had gone through a lot of stress.

“Here,” I said, as I sat down next to her and pressed the milk into her hand. “Drink up.”

She didn’t even comment on the fact that she’d said she hadn’t wanted anything; she just unwrapped the straw, stabbed the milk carton with it, and started drinking. I drank my soda fairly quickly, wanting to be ready for Nurse when he came back to get us, but of course hospitals run on hospital time—slow and methodical. We sat in silence for several minutes after we finished our drinks, waiting.

“Misha, do you know why Shizune refused to take speech and speechreading lessons?”

“Hmm?” Misha shook her head sharply as if trying to wake up and looked at me. “What, Hicchan?”

I repeated my question.

“No. I asked her about it once, and she didn’t answer, but she got angry. Like, _really_ angry. She tried to _pretend~_ she wasn’t angry, but she was.”

Great. And Nurse wanted us to talk her into it. Well, I just had to hope that she would be willing to talk to her boyfriend about it.

Nurse stuck his head back into the waiting room. “Hakamichi’s awake. She’s a bit groggy, but she indicated that she’d like to see you both.”

Misha practically bolted across the room to where Nurse was standing. I picked up her purse, which she’d forgotten in her rush, and followed. Nurse held out a hand to stop Misha from pushing past him. “She’s tired, and in pain. I know that being…calm and quiet isn’t your strong suit, but it’s what she really needs right now.” He gave her a sympathetic smile. “So, do you think you can be calm and quiet, for her?”

Misha took a deep breath, practically quivering with the desire to push past Nurse and get to Shizune, but she nodded. “Right. Quiet. For Shicchan,” she said, almost whispering. Then she frowned. “But…Shicchan can’t hear me~?”

“No, but there are other patients in the recovery ward who need quiet. And Shi—Hakamichi needs calm.”

“Oh. Okay.” Misha nodded energetically. Nurse sighed, and we exchanged a commiserating glance.

“We’ll be good,” I promised. I handed Misha her purse. “Right, Misha?”

“Right~!” Nurse winced at her usual volume, and she repeated in a quieter voice, “Right.”

The first thing I noticed walking into Shizune’s room was the traction set up holding her left arm aloft, as she lay on her back. The head of the bed was slightly elevated. Her eyes were closed when we entered the room, and she looked exhausted. In addition to the cast on her elevated left arm, there was a splint on her right hand, which rested on top of the covers. An IV drip fed into her right arm, further limiting her motion. Her face had several dark blotches that I suspected would develop into some spectacular bruises over the next few days. It was odd to see her without makeup and glasses, and her hair was in disarray too, contributing to the overall impression of unwellness. The green hospital gown she was in made her look even more sallow and ill. I thought she’d hate being seen like this, but Nurse _had_ said that she wanted to see us.

Misha tiptoed almost comically over to Shizune’s left side and gently touched her shoulder. Shizune’s eyes flew open. “Hi, Shicchan,” Misha said and signed in her usual simultaneous fashion. “How are you feeling?”

Even groggy and in pain, Shizune managed to look exasperated at the question. She just rolled her eyes and glanced pointedly at her left arm.

“I think we need to stick to yes or no questions for the moment,” I suggested to Misha, also signing simultaneously. I stepped around the bed to Shizune’s right side as she gave me a weak smile and nodded. I bent over and gave her a kiss on the forehead. Her pupil sizes matched now, I was grateful to see, but there were tension lines in her face indicating that, even with the medications she’d undoubtedly been given, she was still in pain.

Shizune reached up with her right hand and mimed pushing her glasses up her nose. I grimaced. “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid one of the nurses stepped on your glasses.”

“Oh~!” said Misha excitedly, then, catching herself, she said more quietly, “I got your spare glasses from your room, Shiichan.” She reached into her purse and pulled out a tortoise-shell patterned glasses case. She flipped it open and pulled out a pair of glasses, which she held out to Shizune. She smiled gratefully at Misha, and gingerly took the glasses in her thumb and first two fingers of her right hand. She seemed to relax a little as she slid them onto her face. The frames were a slightly different style from what I was used to.

“Is it good to be able to see again?” I asked. She nodded. “It’s good to see you, too. We’ve been worried about you.”

“I’m _so so_ sorry I bumped into you on the stairs~, it’s my fault—” Misha began, but Shizune shook her head sharply to cut her off. She hissed in pain, closed her eyes and grimaced, the sudden movement apparently having been too much too soon. She clenched her jaw and took a deep breath, then opened her eyes to give Misha a slower head shake, staring at her intently.

“I tried to tell Misha it wasn’t her fault,” I said. “That it was just an accident.”

Shizune nodded, her eyelids drooping. Even this little bit of conversation was exhausting her. Nurse cleared his throat meaningfully.

I bent to kiss her again, on the cheek this time, and she opened her eyes a little wider. “We’ll come back to see you tomorrow,” I promised. “You sleep now.”

“Get better soon, Shichhan. We’ll come visit tomorrow. And…I’m sorry,” she repeated.

Shizune nodded slowly, her eyes fully closing. I reached out and pulled her glasses off, and placed them on the bedside table within her reach.

Nurse escorted us back out to the waiting room. “You two should get back to Yamaku, try to get some sleep. I’ll let your teachers know you won’t be in until after lunch tomorrow. Sleep in if you can. You’ve had a lot of stress today, too.” He shot a quick glance at Misha, then asked me, “Has that given you any problems?”

I frowned, wishing, not for the first time, that Nurse had a better sense of patient confidentiality, but said curtly, “No. I’ve been fine.”

“Good.” He walked us toward the hospital exit. “I called the Yamaku shuttle van for you before you went in to see Hakamichi, so it should be here by now. And I let security know why you’re coming back after curfew.”

“Thank you, Nurse-san,” mumbled Misha. Now that the excitement of getting to see Shizune was past, she seemed to be falling asleep on her feet. I took her arm and guided her the rest of the way out.

When we got back to Yamaku, Misha was again asleep on my shoulder. I roused her enough to stagger back to the girls’ dorm with her arm wrapped around my waist. I was grateful to be able to turn her over to the attention of a female security guard at the dorm entrance.

I shuffled back to my dorm, where there was another guard waiting to let me in. “Rough night?” he asked sympathetically.

“Yeah,” I agreed. “Thanks for letting me in.”

“Just doing my job,” he said with a smile. “Is Miss Hakamichi going to be okay?” I guess even the security staff wasn’t immune to gossip.

“Yeah, they set her arm, splinted her fingers. She’ll be fine. Eventually.”

He nodded. “Good.”

I barely had the energy to swallow my evening ration of pills before falling into bed. For once, insomnia wasn’t even a question.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

Misha and I visited Shizune the following afternoon, after classes were done. Unfortunately, she was asleep when we arrived. We’d come prepared for that possibility, and we settled in to do homework while waiting for her to wake up.

I kept looking over at Shizune, worried about how battered and bruised she looked. It was good to see that she no longer had an IV in, at least. I had been right about the dark marks on her face becoming more dramatically visible bruises. I was glad she was sleeping well, I knew it would help her heal, but I really hated spending more time in a hospital doing homework and killing time. It felt too much like last winter.

But at least this time I had Misha with me. I helped her with her math and science homework, and she helped me with my history and signing. In order to keep Misha from waking the other patients on the floor (or in the whole hospital), I asked her to converse in sign to help me practice. Speaking out loud while signing was such a habit for her that it was difficult at first, but I pointed out she’d need to be able to sign silently sometimes while teaching, which seemed to help her get into the right mindset to do so.

At one point I looked up from my textbook to see Misha staring at the sleeping Shizune, a sad expression on her face. Her expression was so unusual, so unlike her, that I froze, not wanting to intrude on her. Not wanting to make any motion that might draw her attention away from Shizune.

After a minute, she sighed quietly, and glanced at me. She didn’t seem surprised to find me regarding her. She plastered a bright smile on her face, but it didn’t reach her eyes. She wasn’t up to faking it that much.

“She’ll be all right, Misha,” I said quietly.

Her broad smile faded to a smaller, slightly sad smile. “I know, Hicchan. It’s not that, it’s…” she trailed off, then shook her head and looked back down at her history textbook. “Never mind.”

“It’s what?”

She looked up and stared at me for a long moment, her expression unusually serious. “Hicchan…should I even be here?”

I felt a shiver run down my spine as I recalled her casually asking me last week if it wouldn’t be better if she just died. Was this another suicide reference? Or was it something else? I cowardly chose to assume the latter, because I didn’t feel qualified to deal with the former.

“Of course you should be here. She’ll want to see you when she wakes up.”

“Are you sure about that? I’m the reason she’s in here in the first place.”

“No, you’re not,” I said, as firmly as I could.

“ _I’m_ the one who bumped into her~!”

“Misha…” She seemed determined to feel responsible for Shizune’s accident. “Has Shizune ever hesitated to assign the blame to someone for their failings?”

“Um…”

“Yet she said, very emphatically, that you’re _not_ at fault. _She_ doesn’t blame you. _I_ don’t blame you. Maybe you shouldn’t either.”

She buried her face in her hands for a moment, shaking her head. She looked back up at Shizune, a sad expression on her face.

“She’ll want to see you,” I repeated. “You’re her best friend.”

“Am I, Hicchan? You’re her boyfriend. Shouldn’t _you_ be her best friend? I’m just…I’m just the pathetic fool who can’t let go of her silly schoolgirl crush. All we do lately is fight.”

I considered my words carefully, feeling out of my depth. “You two have been fighting, yes, but—this _is_ Shizune. You know she loves a good fight.”

Misha shook her head. “No. She loves to _compete_ , to ‘fight’ in a game or some other thing. The fighting that we’ve been doing…there’s no winners. Just losers. We just…disagree. About…stupid things.”

“Yeah. I noticed.” I glanced at the sleeping Shizune, then back at Misha. “I gotta say, don’t always understand exactly _what_ you two are arguing about at any given moment.”

Misha shrugged. “It doesn’t really matter. What we fight about usually isn’t what we’re _really~_ arguing about.”

“Huh?” I asked intelligently.

Misha looked at me, a remarkably somber expression on her face. I was so used to seeing her smiling, laughing, joking around, that this solemnity unnerved me. I looked back at her for a long moment, then, she closed her text book and started to gather her papers. It took me a moment to realize she was packing up her things to leave.

“Misha—wait,” I protested.

“No, Hicchan. I shouldn’t be here. _Your_ place is at Shizune’s side. Not me.”

I grabbed her wrist before she could stuff her notebook back into her book bag. “Misha— _please_ wait?”

She tugged against my hand, but not very hard. She sighed wearily. “What do you want me to say, Hisao? You’ve won. Shizune is yours, not mine, and I should stop trying to pretend otherwise.” Her voice was flat, unemotional, as far from her regular booming, laughing voice as it was possible to get.

I shook my head. “This isn’t a competition between us, there’s no winning or losing—“

She cut me off with a bitter laugh. “Really~? Then why do I feel like such a loser~?”

I stared at her, shocked at first, then the shock gave way to anger. Not at her, but at myself. For not seeing what was going on in front of me.

Misha had told me she was in love with Shizune. But I had had no idea how to react to that. It made me uncomfortable; I’d never had any lesbian friends before. So mostly, I’d just ignored it. I’d filed that fact away but not thought much about it. Hadn’t considered what being around the two of us must be like for her. Of _course_ she was uncomfortable around us, around _me_ —I had what she didn’t have, could never have.

“Misha…” I loosened my grip on her wrist and slid my hand down so I was holding her hand. “I…I get why you resent me—”

Her eyebrows shot up. “I don’t resent~ you.” I was pleased that she didn’t pull her hand out of mine.

I took a deep breath to fortify myself, then asked, “Am I still your friend?” I was surprised at how nervous the question made me.

“Of c…” She trailed off and bit her lip, looking uncertain. Had she been about to say “Of course?” Or “Of course not?”

“Because…I like to think you’re _my_ friend. I hope you are. You’re one of the few friends I have here at Yamaku.” I grimaced. “I may not have been a very _good_ friend to you these past few weeks, but…I value you. Your friendship.”

Misha blinked rapidly, holding back tears, her golden eyes suddenly appearing even more molten.

“And I know Shizune values your friendship, too. Do you know what she’s been obsessed with, these past few days?” I didn’t wait for a response. “Trying to figure out a way to make you happy.” I rolled my eyes and gave a wry smile. “Mind you, I had to remind her that you were a _person_ , not a project or thing to be repaired, but she really does care for you. In her own odd way. Maybe not…in the way you care for her, or the way you wish she’d care for you, but she _does_ care. She’s realized she’s taken you too much for granted—that you’ve given her far more than she gives you.”

“I…” Misha looked over at the sleeping Shizune. Her shoulders slumped, and she squeezed my hand hard.

“You said that after you…confessed to her, she didn’t let you pull away, didn’t let you disappear from her life. You _could_ disappear now, if you really wanted to, while she’s too tired and injured to pursue you. But I think it would break her heart a little, if you did.”

Misha shut her eyes and bowed her head, a frown furrowing her face. After a long moment, she gave my hand a final squeeze and let go of me. She looked up. “All right, Hicchan. I’ll stay.”

I smiled at her, relieved. “Thank you.” I hesitated, then asked, “You never answered my question. Am I still your friend?”

She gave me a small smile. Not as broad as the _wahaha~!_ grin I was used to, but more genuine. “Yes, Hisao. You’re better than I deserve, but…you’re my friend. Thank you for that.”

“Thank _you_.” I regarded her for a moment, wondering if I should ask the question that had been bothering me for a while now. “Misha? You…you don’t like guys, right? I mean…you know…physically?”

She flushed and looked away from me. “That _is_ what homosexual means~, Hicchan.”

“So you aren’t, um, bisexual?”

“No.” Her voice was firm.

“Then…what was that about? The night you visited me. In my room.”

She grimaced and closed her eyes. “Never mind. It’s not important now.”

“It _feels_ important. To me.” I tried to make a joke of it, to lighten the mood. “You’re only the second girl who’s ever expressed any interest in getting into my pants. I can’t help but wonder what it means when a lesbian expresses that kind of interest in me. Am I really that effeminate?”

That actually succeeded in getting a small snort of laughter out of her, which I counted as a victory.

“I mean, I can think of several other possible reasons for what you did, but none of them are very…nice.”

“No, that’s true,” she said quietly.

“So…what was it? Were you…trying to break us up? Trying to discover just what it was that Shizune sees in me? Trying to see if maybe you could, ah, like guys after all?”

Misha shook her head wearily. “No. Well, a little of some of those, maybe, but mostly…” She opened her eyes and looked at me, her expression sad. “If _you_ made love to Shizune, and _I_ made love to _you_ , that might be the closest I ever get to making love with Shizune myself.”

I stared at her for a long moment, trying to understand her logic, if the term “logic” could properly be used here. “That…that’s not really the way it works, Misha. Sex— _love_ —isn’t transitive.”

A wry smile twitched on her lips. “And if you hadn’t tutored me in math, I wouldn’t have understood that reference.”

I smiled back, briefly. But mostly, her answer just made me incredibly sad.

“I’m so sorry, Misha.”

She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, now. I’m glad you didn’t…take me up on my offer.”

“Me too. But…as a friend, if you ever need comfort—like if you need a hug, or someone to talk to, I mean, not, you know—I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.”

I felt relieved, and also exhausted. These heavy emotional conversations were a lot of work. A kind of work I wasn’t used to.

I switched back to signing. [So, do you think you could help me practice some more?] I asked with a hesitant smile.

[Of course.]

As the afternoon wore on, and the end of visiting hours approached, I felt myself getting more and more on edge. It was bad enough being back in a hospital, but the thought of having been here for several hours without a chance to see Shizune awake was especially depressing.

[Are you all right, Hicchan?] Misha asked, apparently noticing my rising tension.

I grimaced. [I…don’t like hospitals.]

Misha looked sympathetically at me. [Have you spent a lot of time in hospitals?]

I hesitated. I hadn’t yet told anyone about my heart, but… Misha was a friend. Shizune was my girlfriend. If I couldn’t tell _them_ , who could I tell? It wasn’t as if they hadn’t seen all my medications. I obviously wasn’t at Yamaku as a non-disabled student like Misha, there to learn sign language.

[Yeah.] I sighed. [I spent over four months in the hospital last winter.]

Her eyes widened. [Why?]

I decided to be as straight-forward as I could. [I had a heart attack. I have a heart arrhythmia, a weak heart.]

“Wow.” She looked concerned. [Is it—are you—]

[I don’t know how long I have to live. It could be decades. It could be days.] I rubbed at my scar, which was suddenly itching. [I have literally no idea how long my heart will last, but it probably won’t be a full, normal life span.]

“Oh, _Hicchan~_ ,” she murmured, abandoning sign language as she leaned over and wrapped her arms around me. I was startled by the sudden contact, but after a moment I relaxed into her hold, and returned her embrace. “I’m so, so, so sorry,” she said, still managing to be quieter than her normal.

I was startled to feel tears forming in my eyes. It was the first time anyone had expressed sympathy for my condition. Everyone else—the doctors, the specialists, my parents—had focused on the optimistic possibilities. Focused on best-case scenarios and what might go right, how long I _could_ live, if I somehow beat the odds. No one had ever said that they were sorry for my loss. For the probable decades I was never going to live to see. I took a deep breath and held it, squeezing my eyes shut tight against the tears. “Thank you,” I whispered to her.

She was silent as she held me. After a long minute, I took another deep breath. Reassured of my self-control, I gave her a gentle squeeze and pulled away. I tried to smile at her. [Thank you], I repeated. I didn’t trust my voice just then. I rubbed my face, trying to get rid of the tears.

Misha stared into my eyes intently for a long moment, concern evident on her face. [You need to live as long as possible. Shicchan…needs you,] she signed.

I suppressed a bitter bark of laughter, trying to set a quiet example for her. [Sounds good to me. If only I knew how.]

She looked thoughtful for a moment, a worrying expression from my point of view. [Emi…] she started, then paused.

I grimaced and looked away. But, unlike with Shizune, not looking at her didn’t shut her up.

“You were supposed to work out with her, weren’t you?” Misha asked.

I sighed and looked back at her. I nodded.

“To make your heart get stronger~?”

I nodded again. [But it didn’t go so well.]

[So you just quit? After one try? What would Shiccan do?]

I rolled my eyes. [If Shizune were in my position, she’d probably keep trying to beat Emi until she died of a heart attack. She’s not the best role model.]

Misha frowned and shook her head. [No. Shicchan wouldn’t kill herself. But she wouldn’t give up, either. Wouldn’t quit. Ever! You need to go back to Emi. Exercise. Make your heart stronger.]

I grimaced. [I…don’t think Emi’s very happy with me.]

[For quitting on her?]

[Among other things.]

[So apologize. Or find something else to do. The school has thousands of things you can do for physical therapy.]

I smiled at that. [Maybe not that many, but, yes, you’re right.] She continued to stare at me, a firm expression on her face, one which I was pretty sure she was copying from Shizune. I half expected her to reach up and adjust her non-existent glasses. [All right, I’ll talk to Emi. Or ask Nurse for something else to do.]

Misha’s smile returned. [Good!]

Shizune made a small pained sound, and opened her eyes. She looked around blearily, then reached for her glasses. She donned them as Misha and I stepped over to her bed side.

“Hi, Shicchan, how are you feeling today?” Misha asked and signed. Shizune squinted up at her for a moment, then lifted her right hand and traced a kanji in the air with her forefinger. Given that she couldn’t move two of her fingers, finger spelling was out at the moment.

[Sorry, what was that?] I signed. Reading air kanji was my weakest sign language skill; I had problems with mentally mirroring the symbols and remembering the strokes as they occurred.

“She asked for water,” Misha said, as she reached for the pitcher and water glass sitting on the bedside table. She put a straw in the glass, and held it for Shizune. Shizune drank thirstily, then nodded at Misha when she was done.

[Thank you], Shizune signed. So there was at least one sign she was able to do single-handed and with broken fingers. I wondered how many others she would be able to do. Not enough for normal communication.

[Nurse said you’re recovering well, and should be able to go back to your room at Yamaku tomorrow,] I signed. Shizune nodded briefly.

[We’ll be here to help you,] Misha said.

Shizune nodded again, and tried to smile. It looked forced. [Are you in pain? Do you need painkillers?] I asked.

Shizune’s lips tightened. She looked for a moment like she was going to say no, but then she sighed and nodded, [Yes.] I wondered if she felt that using painkillers was a sign of weakness.

“I’ll get the nurse~!” Misha said, and she darted from the room.

“There’s a call button…” I trailed off as she disappeared. I looked at Shizune and gave her a smile and a shrug. [Misha’s being Misha,] I signed.

Shizune snorted. [Yes.]

I took the opportunity of being alone with her to add, [She’s feeling guilty about your fall. If you can reassure her somehow that it wasn’t her fault, that’d be good.]

Shizune gave me an incredulous look, _How?_ plainly written on her face. I flushed. [I don’t know how. Maybe not today. It’s just…something to keep in mind.]

She sighed, and nodded.

[I’m sorry. I know it must be incredibly frustrating not being able to sign.]

She rolled her eyes and nodded again.

[Nurse suggested you might—] But I was cut off by the return of Misha, with the nurse in tow.

“Ah, finally awake, Miss Hakamichi?” chirped the nurse, sounding almost as cheery as Misha normally did. Either she didn’t know Shizune was deaf, or else she knew Misha would translate for her. “And how are you today?”

“She said she wanted some painkillers,” I offered, also signing simultaneously so Shizune could know what I was saying. Shizune nodded in confirmation.

The nurse pulled Shizune’s chart off the wall. “Well, I don’t see any problem with that,” she said, after examining it for a moment. “We can do some acetaminophen for now, but the doctor wants to speak with you before giving you anything stronger.”

Shizune, watching Misha’s translation, nodded again. The nurse left, and returned a few moments later with a couple of white pills in a tiny cup. “Here you go.” She held out the small cup, and Shizune gingerly took it with her right hand and tossed the pills into her mouth. Misha was ready with her water glass, and Shizune washed them down. Shizune gave Misha a grateful smile and signed, [Thank you.]

“I need to check the stitches and change the dressings, so would you two be so kind as to step out of the room for a moment?”

I hesitated, glancing at Shizune. “Pardon me, nurse, but do you speak sign language?”

The nurse looked startled. “Oh, right. I didn’t think of that.”

“I can translate~,” offered Misha. I wanted to volunteer too, but I couldn’t deny that Misha was a better translator than I, so I kept quiet.

“You aren’t the type to faint at a little blood, are you?” the nurse asked Misha.

Misha shook her head, “Nope~!”

“Very well. Young man, we’ll be just a moment.”

Taking the hint, I returned to the waiting room. I felt my shoulders drop a few centimeters as I exited the hospital room. I was glad Shizune was going to be okay, and I was _really_ glad she’d be coming back to Yamaku tomorrow. Anywhere but the hospital would be good, as far as I was concerned.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

As it turned out, Shizune was moved back to her room during the afternoon while Misha and I were still in class, much to both Misha’s and my annoyance. We’d both wanted to be there to help her. Nurse sent a note to Mutou’s class for us to let us know.

When classes ended, Misha was one of the first out the door. I just hoped she didn’t run into anyone in the hallways and cause an incident. I followed at a more reasonable pace, not wanting to celebrate Shizune’s return with a heart attack, though I still walked more briskly than usual, eager to see her.

My elevated pulse as I arrived at the girls’ dorm reminded me of my promise to Misha to talk to Nurse about an exercise program. I paused at the entrance to let my breathing and pulse return to normal. A small stream of students entered the dorm, since classes had just ended. One girl bucked the flow of traffic and came back out, her running prosthetics click-click-clicking on the tile as she came.

“Hi, Emi,” I said, trying to smile as I panted.

Emi paused long enough to frown up at me. “Hisao. Feeling a bit winded, are you?”

“No, I’m fine,” I lied, trying to make my breathing slow and regular. Something I could only keep up for a couple of breaths before my body’s desire for oxygen made me suck in a deeper breath.

“Pfft.” She shook her head and looked disgusted. “Maybe if you worked out a little more you’d be in better shape.”

I sighed. “I know. I know. You’re right.”

Her eyebrows shot up for a moment at that admission, then she frowned again. I remembered what Misha had said, and I added, “I’m sorry I stood you up. It was a lousy thing to do.”

“Yes. It was,” she said, acknowledging but not accepting my apology. She turned away. “I’ve gotta go. Practice starts in ten, and unlike some people, _I_ keep my appointments.”

I winced at that, but before I could reply she was off, jogging down the path towards the track. Maybe I couldn’t mend that fence, or maybe it would require a little more groveling to do so. I sighed and headed into the dorm.

I pressed the doorbell button by Shizune’s door, which rang a bell and flashed a light inside her room. Misha, of course, answered the door.

“Hi~! I was wondering where you were.”

I snorted. “I can’t sprint as fast as you can. Did you beat Emi back to the dorm?”

“Almost~!” She grinned and stepped aside to let me in. “Look, Shicchan is back~!”

“Yes, I know, that’s why we’re here, right?” It warmed my heart a surprising amount to see Misha smiling so broadly again.

“Right!”

I looked at Shizune as I entered the room. She was propped up on a large wedge pillow on her bed, with her left arm resting on its own support pillow. One side of her face was turning interesting shades of black and yellow as the bruise spread out around her eye. But it looked like she’d had a bath and brushed her hair, looking less unkempt than before. Her clothes weren’t quite pajamas, just a plain blue t-shirt and sweatpants. I couldn’t help but notice she wasn’t wearing a bra, but I resolutely didn’t stare. Much. She smiled when she saw me.

“Hi,” I said and signed. “It’s good to see you. Are you feeling any better today?”

She nodded, [Yes.]

“Do you need any pain killers at the moment?”

[No.]

“Show Hicchan your keyboard,” Misha prompted.

Shizune pulled a small keyboard from beside her on the bed onto her lap. The top of the keyboard had an angled double display, one small screen facing Shizune, the other screen facing out so whoever she was talking with could read her responses. She tapped at it with the three mobile fingers on her right hand. _This thing is annoyingly slow_ , she typed.

“But it’s better than playing twenty questions for everything,” I observed, signing and speaking simultaneously.

Shizune grimaced and nodded.

“Do you know when you’ll be able to come back to class?” I asked.

She shrugged. _3-4 days maybe? As soon as I’m not loopy on drugs._

That prompted me to look at her more closely, and I realized she was unusually relaxed. She normally held herself erect with a rigid posture that almost quivered with her suppressed energy, ready to tackle the world, or at least the latest stack of student council paperwork. Now, she looked almost like a sleepy cat, melted into her pillows and bed. Her eyes drooped a fraction even as I looked at her, then she shook her head and sat up a bit straighter, obviously forcing herself to fuller awareness. The movement provoked some interesting jiggling in her t-shirt, which I strove to not stare at.

“We can leave you if you need to sleep,” I offered.

[No.] _I’ve slept too much._

I rolled my eyes. “You broke your arm and had surgery. Sleep is a good thing, it helps you heal, and also escape the pain for a while.”

[Yes.] _But I’m not sleepy now._

I wasn’t sure I believed that, but it was her choice.

Misha and I helped her learn her way around the keyboard. The user manual had seemingly been written in Urdu and translated to Japanese by way of Norwegian, but we eventually puzzled it out.

One of its features allowed her to pre-program macros for commonly used phrases, and we killed some time coming up with common phrases she could use. “What can your student council do for you today?” was one of Shizune’s first choices, perhaps unsurprisingly. Misha suggested she should add “No running in the halls, Miss Ibarazaki!”

Misha giggled. “I can just see you chasing her down the halls, waving your keyboard at her, trying to get her to read it~!” I couldn’t help but laugh at the mental image too, much to Shizune’s annoyance.

Macros helped with common phrases, but Shizune still found the typing frustratingly slow and somewhat painful. We took a break from keyboarding by spending some time on homework, with Shizune playing catch-up, and the three of us silently working on our own for a while.

Around six, I made a run to the cafeteria to get food for Misha and myself—since Shizune was on the sick list, someone from the cafeteria had brought a meal over for her.

When I got back with our food, Misha was signing something to Shizune, not speaking out loud for a change. She shot me a glance as I entered the room, looking guilty, and Shizune pinned me with a frown.

“What?” I asked nervously. Misha wasn’t meeting my eyes, so I unpacked our food and set it on the desk, as Shizune laboriously typed out something, pounding on the keys with unnecessary vigor. She finished typing and shoved the keyboard at me.

_Have you talked with Nurse about setting up a regular exercise program yet?_

My stomach sank, and I frowned at Misha. “You told her about my heart?”

She tried to smile at me. “I’m sorry. I thought she already knew. Why would you tell _me_ before telling your girlfriend~?”

Shizune typed, _Yes, why?_

“Oh, hell,” I muttered, but didn’t sign. Not that that mattered; Misha translated as usual. I faced Shizune and resumed signing along with my spoken words. “I hadn’t told _anyone_ about my heart. It wasn’t just you. I’m…still getting used to it myself. You’ve lived with your disability all your life; I’ve known about mine for less than a year.” I glanced at Misha. “I only told Misha because it came up while we were waiting for you to wake up at the hospital.”

“That’s true, Shicchan,” Misha put in.

“There just never seemed to be a…right time to bring it up.”

She scowled at me. _And what would I have done if you had a heart attack while we were being intimate?_

Misha made a small noise at that, and looked away from us, her face red, her expression pained.

“Sorry, Misha,” I said quietly.

Shizune looked at Misha at my words, and she flushed a little, looking abashed. _Sorry,_ she typed.

Misha tried to smile, and shook her head. “It’s all right. It’s not as if I didn’t know.”

Still, I felt guilty about rubbing her nose in it. Apparently Shizune did too, because she redirected the conversation back to my failings, not our intimacies. She pulled up her previous question from the keyboard’s history. _Have you talked with Nurse about setting up a regular exercise program yet?_

“I only said I was going to do that yesterday! I haven’t had a chance yet.”

Shizune frowned. _No chance since you arrived at Yamaku?_ I was startled to see her jaw muscles rippling, like she was clenching her teeth.

I threw up my hands. “Yes, I could have done it before now, but I didn’t, okay?”

“Why not?” asked Misha, apparently beating Shizune to the question, because she pulled her hand away from her keyboard and looked at me with an expectant scowl.

I pinched the bridge of my nose for a moment. “I don’t know,” I muttered, trusting Misha to translate my words for me. I looked at Shizune. “Why are you so angry about this?”

Her expression changed to one of disbelief. _I don’t want you dropping dead from something you could have prevented!_

“I’m taking my meds,” I protested weakly.

“But you said working out could strengthen your heart,” Misha said.

I was beginning to feel a bit ganged up on, not that that was an unusual situation with these two. But this time their attention was focused on _me_ , personally, not student council paperwork or some school project.

I sighed. “I know it’s stupid. Not working out, I mean. It’s just…” I trailed off, unsure as to exactly why I’d been avoiding it for so long, despite Nurse’s repeated reminders.

 _Denial won’t make you live longer_ , Shizune typed.

“But exercise will,” added Misha.

I groaned. “All right! All right! I’ll go before class tomorrow morning and see him first thing, okay? Will that make you happy?”

Misha and Shizune exchanged a glance, then they both turned to me and nodded. “Yes. Very happy. I don’t have many friends~, Hicchan. I don’t want to lose you either~!”

“Okay. In the meantime, our dinner is getting cold. Can we eat, now?”

Shizune nodded, and we dug into our food. Shizune’s meal had come with a fork instead of chopsticks, which she gingerly handled with her three functioning fingers.

Since it was impossible to sign or type with utensils in hand, the meal was silent, as usual for us. Which gave me unwelcome time to brood on my promise.

 _Denial_ , Shizune had called it, which certainly was a part of my problem, I guessed. Well, okay, it was probably the _major_ part of it. Just getting winded walking back from town depressed me. I hated the thought of staggering around the track a few laps while watching Emi racing around me like the wind.

 _Then do something where you don’t have to see her, idiot_ , I scolded myself _._ What, I didn’t know, but I was certain Nurse would have some suggestions. Alas.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

I decided to visit Shizune during lunch the next day. When I informed Misha of my plan to do so, she smiled and said, “Have a nice lunch, Hicchan~!”

I was startled. “You don’t want to come, too?”

She shook her head. “No. You two should have some time together alone. I’ll visit after classes!”

“Okay…” I said hesitantly, feeling a bit awkward. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to spend time alone with Shizune, but I didn’t want to feel like I was pushing Misha away, either. “You’re sure?”

She gave me a little push towards the door. “Really, Hicchan, it’s fine~. I’ll see her tonight~!”

“Okay. I’ll be back in a bit.”

I grabbed something vaguely edible from the cafeteria and headed over to the girls’ dorm. I rang the doorbell to Shizune’s room, then waited a moment. I was considering just trying the door so she wouldn’t have to get out of bed to answer the door when I heard something _thump_ against the door from the other side. Taking that as a invitation, I opened the door and peeked in.

Shizune was sitting up in bed, and there was a slipper on the floor in front of the door. She smiled when she saw me, and waved me in.

[Hi, I thought I might join you for lunch, if you didn’t mind.] I picked up the slipper and brought it back to her bedside, placing it beside its mate. I was only mildly disappointed that she was wearing a sweatshirt today, not a t-shirt.

She smiled and waved toward her desk chair, and I pulled it over next to the bed and sat down. She already had a lunch tray on the bedside table. It looked like she’d just started eating. She pulled her keyboard onto her lap. _Thank you for visiting. It gets boring here._

[I can bring you the homework you’ve missed if you like,] I offered with a smile.

She rolled her eyes at that, then gave a reluctant shrug. _You probably should. I shouldn’t get too far behind._

I nodded and took a bite of bread. One advantage of sign was I could talk with my mouth full, as long as my hands weren’t also full. [Misha says she’ll visit after classes are out.]

Shizune nodded. _Did you visit Nurse this morning to discuss an exercise program?_

I sighed. I couldn’t help but notice that she’d put that question into a macro. [Yes. He was…insufferably pleased that I asked him about it.] He also guessed that I had been nudged into it by Shizune, but I didn’t need to tell her that. [I’m going to start swimming in the mornings. Apparently there are a handful of students who swim every morning before class.]

She smiled approvingly at that. _Good._

For a few minutes we just ate in companionable silence, using our hands for eating instead of talking.

Once I’d finished eating, I decided to try and broach the topic Nurse had asked me, again, to bring up with Shizune. [Nurse told me that Mrs. Shibata is willing to tutor you in speaking and speechreading if you’d like. Since your hands will be—]

She cut me off with a scowl and a swipe of her hand, then looked away from me to completely shut me up. I was startled at such a strong, immediate reaction—I’d assumed we could at least talk about it a little bit before descending into conflict. I studied the side of her face as she stared at the far wall, avoiding my gaze. Her lips were pressed tight, and she was breathing deeply.

After a minute, she didn’t look back at me, but she focused on her keyboard as she pecked out a response. _I do not wish to study with Mrs. Shibata, thank you._ The response was ludicrously vague and polite, given the strength of her reaction to my suggestion.

[Why not?]

_I do not wish to discuss it._

But I wasn’t willing to let it rest so easily. [Why not? Your won’t be able to properly sign for months.]

She shook her head sharply, and looked back at her keyboard. _It would be a waste of time to learn a skill I will not need once I am healed._

I gave her an incredulous look. Speaking and speechreading were skills she could use for the rest of her life, not just the next six months. I didn’t even say anything to her, just let my expression speak for me. She flushed and looked away, apparently realizing how ridiculous that argument sounded.

I tried a different approach. [You already have to mouth a lot of words as you sign them anyway—why not go the extra step to learn how to voice them, too?]

She shook her head. _Mouthing is just gesturing with lips. Not always the same mouth shapes as speech._

[But isn’t it a step in that direction?]

She shook her head. _Not really._

I felt exasperated, and I probably let it show. [ _Why_ don’t you want to learn how to speak?]

Shizune glared at me for a long moment, then typed out, _Because deaf speakers sound stupid._

I just stared at her blankly for a moment, not comprehending. [Stupid? How so?]

She grimaced. _Poorly modulated speech. Mispronunciations. Odd tone and inflection. Sound brain damaged._

I was truly baffled. While at Yamaku, I had met a couple of deaf students who could speak. Although one of them had been a little difficult to understand, like he had a minor speech impediment, the other one had sounded mostly normal. But neither of them sounded “brain damaged,” whatever that meant.

[Where did you get _that_ idea?] I asked, although I had a feeling I knew the answer before I asked.

Shizune looked to the side for a long moment before reluctantly typing, _Father._

Ah. Yes. Jigoro. I wasn’t at all surprised. I buried my face in my hands for a long moment, trying to consider how to approach this.

In my admittedly not unbiased opinion, Jigoro treated his daughter—both of his children, really—abominably. I had only been mildly surprised to hear that he had expressed no interest in visiting Shizune after her accident. “The care at the school is adequate,” he’d said, according to Nurse.

But Shizune never seemed to perceive his treatment of her as wanting. I still hadn’t figured out what the dynamic was, but she truly seemed to look up to the bombastic blowhard, despite the fact that she frequently mocked him. I mean, I know love is blind and all that, but I thought Shizune took the concept of filial devotion to a ridiculous extreme. An unthinking extreme, which was all the more surprising, given how she analyzed and dissected everything else in her life.

I looked at her and hesitantly signed, [I think perhaps you should consider the source.]

She glared at me again. I could see a muscle in her jaw twitching. She just raised an inquiring eyebrow at me instead of typing anything.

[Your father…] I paused to try and find the most politic way to phrase this. [Has not always been…the most understanding person when it comes to dealing with your deafness.]

Shizune got a sour expression on her face, then closed her eyes, effectively shutting me up. I gave her a minute to think, then rested a gentle hand on her arm. She sighed and opened her eyes. She had a stubborn set to her lips that I knew all too well.

_This keyboard will suffice. My fingers should be healed in a month, then I can sign again._

I thought a month was optimistic, and even if it were so, being able to finger spell with one hand or trace kanji in the air was nowhere near as fast as she was used to being able to speak.

But before I could follow up on that argument, she typed out, _Tired. Hand hurts. Sleep now._

I looked at her. It was a little hard to tell with the bruising, but she _did_ look tired. Using her fingers to type put strain on the adjoining broken fingers, causing pain. And pain was certainly exhausting. I stood up and leaned over to give her a kiss on the forehead. She hissed at that, and grabbed my shirt with her thumb and forefinger to pull me down for a kiss on the lips. It was brief, but pleasant. I was pleased to see her smiling as we broke apart, and I smiled back.

[Sleep well,] I signed. [Misha and I will visit after class.]

She nodded. She took off her glasses and set them on the bedside table. She shifted down on her pillow a little, reclining more, and closed her eyes. I bent over and gave her another gentle kiss, on the cheek. She didn’t open her eyes, but she smiled briefly at that, then took a deeper breath and relaxed.

I stood watching her for just a moment, just admiring her beauty and strength, which still managed to shine through even with her injuries and immobilization. Then I turned and left, turning off the room lights as I went.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Swimming the next morning proved to be _slightly_ less embarrassing than I’d anticipated. No one objected to me wearing a t-shirt in the pool, thank goodness. There were five other students at the pool that morning, including Molly from my class.

The physical therapist/life guard on duty, “Coach” Shiraki, was an intimidatingly fit silver-haired woman. She watched me swim a lap and then set me up with a plan of exercise. I was depressingly winded after just a half hour of splashing around in the water, but Molly was encouraging.

“The important thing is that you’re here,” she reminded me. “You’ll get better at it faster than you think.” I tried not to brood on the fact that I was now slower than a girl with no legs both on land _and_ in the water. Molly had apparently been swimming for years.

I managed to stay awake in class, despite my early rising and unaccustomed exercise. At lunch time, I told Misha it was her turn to have lunch with Shizune. I’d decided that I needed a fresh perspective on Shizune. So I bought a can of coffee to help me keep awake through the afternoon, then sought out the person who’d known Shizune the longest.

I hesitated for a moment before knocking on the doorframe of Lilly’s and Hanako’s “tea room.”

“Hey, Lilly, it’s Hisao.” I was surprised but also a little relieved to see that Hanako wasn’t with her for a change.

She paused in the midst of pouring herself a cup of tea, and cocked her head towards me. “Hello, Hisao.”

“Would you mind if I joined you?”

She smiled, and gestured gracefully toward the other side of the table she was sitting at. “Not at all.”

I sat down in the chair opposite her, then started to pull the lunch I’d packed out of its bag.

Lilly finished pouring her cup of tea, then asked, “Would you care for a cup of tea?”

“No, thanks, I brought a can of coffee.”

She took a careful sip of her hot beverage. “So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company today?”

I opened and took a swig of my coffee, trying to figure out how to raise this slightly awkward subject. “I…was hoping to pick your brains about something.”

“Oh? About what?”

I sighed. “Shizune.”

Lilly froze for just a split second as she was raising the cup to her lips, then she completed the motion, taking another sip. “Ah. And…why are you asking _me_ about her?”

“Because you’re her cousin. Because you’ve known her longer than anyone else around here. Because, despite the… _friction_ the two of you currently have, I get the impression that you two were once closer. And so I hope you might be able to tell me what I need to know.”

Lilly sighed and gently put down her cup. She folded her hands on the table in front of her, looking calm and collected, but there was still some subtle tension about her. “I was sorry to hear about her accident.” She sounded sincere. “How do you think she’s coping?”

I shrugged, then realized it was a useless gesture. “I guess ‘mixed’ is the best way to describe it. Physically, she’s doing as well as could be expected. The headaches from her concussion are fading. She should be back in class by Monday. But not being able to sign is frustrating, and I suspect being dependent upon others even more than usual is not easy for her.”

“That is true.” Lilly actually looked sympathetic to Shizune’s plight. “Given her love of arguing—of talking—having her speaking ability limited like that is hard on her.”

“Yeah.” I shoveled some noodles into my mouth, and Lilly also took the opportunity to tear off a piece of curry bread and eat it.

“So, what did you want to ask me about?”

I chewed and swallowed. “She probably won’t be able to start physical therapy for at least six to eight weeks. And her arm’s mobility will be severely limited for months after that. Since she won’t be able to sign properly for quite a while, Nurse suggested that it seemed like this would be an ideal time for her to take speechreading and speech lessons. Mrs. Shibata is willing to tutor her intensively, given her situation, to help her get up to speed more quickly.”

“But Shizune refused,” Lilly stated. It wasn’t even a question.

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

Lilly toyed with her tea cup, turning it around and around so the handle was facing first left, then right, then left again. “My uncle…” she trailed off and made a little moue of distaste.

I scowled. “Dammit. Jigoro is such a…a…” I swallowed my words. He _was_ her uncle, after all. I didn’t think there was any love lost between them, but it felt wrong to insult her family to her face.

“Yes,” she said, agreeing with my unvoiced sentiments.

I felt like I was picking my way through an emotional mine field, but it would probably be easier to discuss this with Lilly than Shizune. “I’ve only met him a couple of times, but…I get the impression that he almost takes Shizune’s deafness as a personal affront. It’s like he thinks she’s being deaf just to spite him. And he seems to feel that she should somehow be able to ‘overcome’ it just by working hard.”

“If hard work were all that it took to cure deafness, Shizune would have been ‘cured’ long ago,” Lilly said.

“Yeah.” I was surprised that Lilly was so complimentary of Shizune.

“Have you ever wondered why Shizune is in Mr. Moutou’s class and not Mrs. Shibata’s class?” Lilly asked.

“Ah…” I was startled to realize that the thought had never occurred to me. “No. I didn’t even know that there _was_ a class for the hearing impaired students until I’d been here for a month or so, and by that point…it just seemed normal to have her in my class.”

Lilly gave a small smile. “Well, then that part of her plan succeeded.”

“Plan?”

“Maybe calling it a ‘plan’ is overstating it, but…her desire to fit in to a normal class.”

“As normal as any Yamaku class can be,” I said drily.

Lilly waved that aside with a graceful gesture. “Even at Yamaku, there are varying degrees of ‘normal.’ She didn’t want to be in a class that was defined by her handicap. Mr. Moutou’s class is a general cross-section of students.”

“Yeah. Okay, I can see that.” I winced a little at using the word “see,” but Lilly didn’t seem to mind. “But why didn’t she want to be in Mrs. Shibata’s class?”

Lilly sighed. “I’m not totally sure, but I suspect Shizune has absorbed certain…prejudices from her father.”

I frowned. “Prejudices?” I had to think about that for a moment. “You mean, she’s prejudiced against…deaf people?” I shook my head. “That doesn’t even make sense.”

“ _Prejudice_ may be overstating it. She would certainly deny it if you put it to her in those terms, but she has absorbed enough of my uncle’s views that she views _other_ deaf people as…annoying, at the very least. Despite the fact that they are the people with whom she can most easily converse.”

I thought back over the past few months, and Shizune’s interactions with other people. We’d dealt with a few of the other deaf students during the course of doing student council work, and she’d always been polite, at least. But certainly not warm, or welcoming of them. Misha and I were the only people she could claim to be close to, and neither of us were deaf.

“That…is really weird,” I said. I frowned as I thought about it more. “It almost feels like a form of self-hatred. I mean, if she hates deaf people, does that mean she hates herself?”

“‘Hate’ is also probably too strong a word for her attitude, but, yes, there may be an element of…self-criticism involved there. My uncle is…almost a caricature of toxic masculinity. He abhors any kind of weakness. An attitude I think Shizune shares, to a lesser extent.”

I frowned. “But… _everyone_ at Yamaku has a weakness of one sort or another. It’s practically the defining feature of the school.” I realized I was rubbing my chest scar, and stopped. “And she’s dedicated herself to serving the student body.”

Lilly shrugged, a graceful lift of her shoulders. “It is not a simple dynamic. I believe that Yamaku students earn her approbation by virtue of the fact that they— _we_ —are all striving to do well, to deal with and adapt to our handicaps. We all face challenges, yes, but the very fact that we are working to overcome those challenges makes us strong, in her eyes.”

“Unless you’re deaf.”

A sardonic smile flitted across her lips. “As I said. It’s not a simple dynamic. Perhaps a bit irrational.”

“Irrational is not a word I normally associate with Shizune. She’s usually almost coldly calculating.”

“Unless there’s a competitive element involved. Then she pulls out all the stops, rational or not.”

“True…”

I frowned and took another bite of my lunch as I tried to wrap my mind around the notion of Shizune disliking deaf people. Disliking herself? I’d never seen any indication of that. She’d never even shown any annoyance with her disability as a disability. She seemed to accept that that was the way she was, and since there was nothing she could do to change it, it wasn’t worth wasting energy thinking about it.

“Why wouldn’t she want to learn skills that could make her interactions with hearing people easier? If nothing else, it’d make it easier to compete with others, which is one of her joys.”

Lilly looked thoughtful for a moment. “I think…maybe it comes down to that competitiveness. The person she competes with most fiercely is herself. Which sometimes expresses itself through a streak of perfectionism.” Lilly grimaced and shook her head. “Unfortunately, she doesn’t limit that perfectionism to herself.” Which made me suspect that Shizune’s perfectionism was at the root of at least some of the conflict between the two of them.

“That makes sense.” Speechreading was by its very nature imperfect—most people who used it only understood about a quarter or less of what was said, and had to infer the rest of the conversation from context. But Shizune would probably have difficulty settling for less than a hundred percent comprehension, something that was basically impossible.

Lilly poured herself another cup of tea. It was fascinating to watch her, her movements so smooth, her spatial memory of where she’d left the tea pot precise and sure. I smiled as I reflected that Shizune wasn’t the only perfectionist I knew, but Lilly expressed it in a different way.

Lilly took a sip of tea, then said, “The reason I was able to say so authoritatively that Shizune refused speech training is that she has, in fact, had such training before.”

“She has?”

“Oh, yes. Many years’ worth. Uncle Jigoro thought that her being able to speak and speechread would make her seem more…‘normal.’” Lilly delivered the word “normal” with delicate loathing in her tone of voice.

Jigoro had mentioned that he had hired multiple tutors for Shizune over the years, but I hadn’t realized he’d meant for speaking and speechreading. I shook my head slowly, then realized Lilly couldn’t see my expression of disbelief. “That…man. Is such a…such an…” I cut myself off again.

“I believe the word you are searching for is ‘asshole.’” Lilly’s expression and tone of voice were utterly deadpan, although her cheeks did flush a light pink.

I gave a startled laugh at the unexpected vulgarity. “Indeed,” I said. “So she had training?”

“Yes. She was making good progress, but…no one who is born profoundly deaf will ever sound totally normal, or be able to read another person’s speech completely accurately. Shizune’s progress wasn't good enough for my uncle. As you can imagine, he berated her for her lack of effort. They argued about it more and more as time went on, culminating in a spectacular fight a few years ago, according to Hideaki. After that, Shizune stopped all lessons. Stopped speaking out loud to anyone.”

She hesitated a moment, then leaned forward and added quietly, as if confiding a secret, “Although she occasionally speaks with me, if no one else is around to hear, and tactile signing between us is going too slowly for her tastes.”

“Really?” The notion that Shizune spoke to _anyone,_ let alone to Lilly, was startling. That she would show Lilly that kind of vulnerability—utilizing a skill she was less than proficient in—seemed to indicate a deeper connection between them that their overt hostilities couldn’t completely erase.

My curiosity compelled me to ask, “What does she sound like?”

Lilly pursed her lips for a moment, then said, “She is mostly comprehensible. She has trouble with certain sounds, and slurs a little, but she works around those sounds when she can.”

“Huh.” So, she could already speak and speechread to a certain extent, which was good, but she’d been emotionally bludgeoned about limitations that were beyond her control by her father. I’d suspected Jigoro was a major part of her problem, but having this confirmation didn't necessarily help me figure out what to do next.

The end of lunch bell rang, and I gathered the remains from my lunch. “Well, thank you for you assistance. You’ve certainly provided me with some new food for thought.” I realized I was unconsciously modeling her formal speech patterns. I hoped she didn’t think I was mocking her.

She smiled as she gathered the remains of her lunch and her tea supplies. “You’re welcome. Best of luck with Shizune.” I wondered if I was imagining the slight edge to her smile as she said that. _You’re going to need it_ seemed to be the unspoken subtext.

Pondering all my new information, I headed back to class.

 


	7. Chapter 7

I tried to bring up the idea of lessons with Mrs. Shibata again that evening, but Shizune shut me down even faster that time. Misha told me the day after that that she also tried to talk to Shizune about accepting tutoring, but was likewise cut off.

Knowing that she sometimes spoke to Lilly made her refusal to consider lessons even more puzzling and frustrating. She obviously could see _some_ utility in knowing how to speak. I was reluctant to bring up talking with Lilly as a point of argument, though, since it felt like Lilly had told me that in confidence. Even though she hadn’t said as much at the time, it _felt_ that way.

I spent Sunday afternoon with Shizune, helping her catch up on homework in preparation for returning to class the next day. After a particularly long and tediously typed out exchange, she gingerly flexed her three mobile fingers and grimaced.

[You know, your hand wouldn't hurt if you were speaking,] I said, with an innocent look on my face.

Shizune wasn't buying it. She scowled at me and shook her head sharply, [No!]

Her response just exasperated me. She was obviously in pain from all they typing, frustrated by the slow speed of her communication, but she stubbornly refused to even discuss continuing speech lessons. I mentally cursed her father once again.

I hoped if I could get her to at least discuss her issues with Jigoro, I might be able to provide some counter-arguments. Though I admittedly had a poor track record at winning arguments with Shizune, it was worth a try.

[Why are you so set against this?] I signed, my gestures jerky with annoyance.

Shizune glared at me for several long moments, then said, “Behaws…I showend…shtupit _.”_ Then she clenched her teeth shut with an audible snap, and redirected her glare to the wall, her face flushing red.

I just stared at her, my jaw hanging open, my hands frozen speechless. Despite having heard from Lilly that Shizune _could_ speak, the reality of it was startling. Her voice had been…well, surprisingly sexy, actually. Much deeper than I would have predicted for a girl her size, a husky, throaty alto that was probably at least partially due to her vocal cords being largely unused. I gently reached out and placed a hand on her cheek, turning her head so she was facing me again. I smiled warmly at her.

[Actually, you sound rather sexy.]

Her eyes went wide, and her blush deepened. She jabbed her right index finger at me, then spun it in a spiral at her temple. [You are crazy.]

I laughed a little at that. [Crazy for you,] I teased, still smiling at her.

She rolled her eyes and shook her head, but there was a ghost of a smile on her lips.

[You sounded sexy,] I repeated. [How long has it been since you’ve had speech lessons?]

She sighed and looked resigned. _About 4 years._

I was impressed. [Given how long it’s been, you spoke very well.] Then, because I knew she wouldn’t appreciate me sugar-coating anything, I added, [Your pronunciation wasn’t perfect, but I understood you without any problem. And you _certainly_ didn’t sound brain damaged.]

She sighed again, and her shoulders slumped a little. _Father didn’t think so,_ she typed.

[I think you just need more training and practice.] And a supportive environment, I didn’t say, but not having Jigoro around to discourage her could only help. A sudden inspiration prompted me to add, [Shori Takagi is perfectly understandable when she talks, and she’s also been deaf since birth. Are you saying you can’t do something she can?]

Shizune scowled at me. _Don’t think I don’t know you are trying to manipulate me by appealing to my competitive nature._

I smiled. [Of course I am. But the real question is, is it working?]

She closed her eyes for a long moment, and I could see the exhaustion and pain in her face. Eventually, she gave a small nod, then opened her eyes.

[Was that a yes? Should I tell Nurse?]

She nodded again. She looked…both relieved and a little sad. As if this were something she always knew she’d have to do someday, but she’d been putting it off.

I leaned forward and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She gave me a wan smile, but didn’t return the kiss. [You sounded sexy,] I repeated. [And I can’t wait to hear more from you.]

[You—] she started to sign, her left hand twitching, then she winced. She typed, _You are_ , then stopped.

I waited a moment, then asked, [I’m what?]

She stared at me intently, her eyes searching my face. I stared back into those lovely blue eyes, her beauty undiminished by the fading bruises. Then she shook her head slowly and smiled. _Too good for me,_ she finished.

[Now _you’re_ talking crazy. You’re the one who’s too good for me. But I’m glad you put up with me.]

She shook her head again, more forcefully. [No.] _I’m_ ** _better_** _than you in most things. But you’re more_ ** _good_** _than I._

I didn’t know quite _what_ to make of that one.

Her eyes fluttered shut, and I could see that exhaustion was taking her over. Nurse had said that recovering from her concussion could take up to a week, to say nothing of the pain in her arms and hand. I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, then took off her glasses. She opened her eyes in response to that, and I signed, [Sleep. It’ll help you heal. Misha and I will join you for dinner.]

Shizune nodded, and closed her eyes again. “Sleep well,” I said, even though I knew she couldn’t hear me. Then I left to go tell Nurse the news.

 

* * *

 

It came as no surprise to anyone who knew Shizune that she threw herself into her new studies one hundred percent. She may have been reluctant to do them in the first place, but having committed to them, she went all out. The limiting factor to her learning speed seemed to be instructional time more than anything else. Shizune met with Mrs. Shibata for a couple of hours on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays after regular classes, and worked with another speech therapist on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Since she’d had years of training in both speaking and speechreading when she was younger she wasn’t starting from scratch, but rather was working on recalling her prior training and advancing her skills.

I resented Jigoro for his years of discouraging Shizune, and for being what I thought was a generally lousy parent. He didn’t even visit her after her accident. But, in his favor, he _did_ send her a laptop a week after the accident. It was an amazingly sleek silver machine, with a trackpad she was able to trace kanji on in addition to keyboarding. Even Shizune was a little taken aback by the generous gift.

 _Maybe he’s not a_ ** _complete_** _jerk_ , she typed out in the word processor as she tried it out.

[And it has a DVD drive! We can watch movies in your room!] Misha noted.

The laptop was heavier and didn’t have the macros and other ease-of-use features that her smaller keyboard had, so she continued to use that for daily conversation. But at least now she could type out her homework instead of painfully scrawling it with a pen clenched in three fingers. And when she discovered what she could do with spreadsheets for the student council, she was overjoyed.

One thing I found a little disconcerting about Shizune’s lessons was that, with all the extra practice she was doing, she wouldn’t practice speaking with _me_. She’d practice speechreading, but not speech.

 _I don’t want you to hear me again until I’m perfect_ , she typed to me when I asked why. An impossible goal, but I assumed she meant, she wanted to be much better than she was now.

“You’re already perfect as far as I’m concerned,” I replied, which earned me silent snort and an eye roll. Okay, perhaps that had been a bit over the top. I was still trying to figure out how to do all this “romantic” stuff. But at least her response let me know that she’d read me properly.

Of course, those hours Shizune spent in lessons were hours she’d normally have spent on Student Council activities, so suddenly Misha and I found we were doing the vast majority of the work. Not that Shizune could have done much in the way of paperwork anyway, what with her injuries. Now she was more like an executive director, occasionally swooping in to give us directives and check up on us, grumbling about how sloppy we were. But without Shizune’s ever-present anal-retentive attention to detail, Misha and I were getting things done much more quickly, and, I was pretty sure, only _slightly_ less accurately. Overall, it made for a more pleasant experience. It was also nice to be able to spend more time with Misha and get to know her better as herself, and not as Shizune’s mouthpiece.

One afternoon, I finally worked up the nerve to ask Misha, “Have you ever thought of dating someone else?”

She gave me an incredulous look. “Who would I ask~? Yamaku doesn’t exactly have a gay students’ club.”

“Maybe you could start one?”

She rolled her eyes. “This isn’t America~, Hicchan! I can’t think of a faster way to be shut out of _everything~_ than to come out to the whole school.”

Unfortunately, she was probably right. Despite the popularity of yuri and yaoi stories, our society was still pretty homophobic. “Is that why you want to study in America? Because they’re more open about that sort of thing?”

She shrugged. “It’s not the main~ reason, but it’s certainly a nice bonus.”

I had a sudden inspiration. “Maybe we could bribe Yuuko to tell us who checks out yuri mangas most often.”

Misha looked startled for a moment, then she burst out laughing. “Wahaha~! I hadn’t thought of that. Though if they’re anything like me, most girls would be too shy~ to check them out, so they’d either sneak them out without checking them out first, or read them in the library.”

I thought of Hanako, who it seemed spent half her free time sitting in a beanbag in the back of the library reading. I wondered what her reading tastes included? I tried to picture the quiet, shy Hanako with the loud, outgoing Misha, and shook my head. The resulting mental image made my brain hurt. It was almost as ridiculous as the idea of the library stocking yuri mangas in the first place.

“It would probably just turn out to be a list of pervy guys anyway,” I added.

“Oh? And what would you~ know about pervy guys? How many yuri mangas have _you_ checked out, Hicchan~?”

I’d set myself up for that one. “None!” I protested.

“Oh, so you read them in the library instead? No wonder I see you in there so often~! Wahaha~!”

I gaped at her for a moment, then burst into laughter along with her.

After our laughter died down, she added, “But…if you ever _wanted_ to read some…I do have a few~ you could borrow!”

I felt my face turn bright red at the notion. “Ah…I don’t think Shizune would appreciate that very much.”

She gave me a wicked grin. “I won’t tell her if you don’t~!”

“Umm…”

I was saved from temptation by the arrival of Shizune herself. She gave my flushed face a suspicious look. She cocked her head at us inquisitively, “What’s going on?” plainly written on her face.

[Hi, Shizune.]

[Hi, Shicchan!]

Our innocent expressions didn’t seem to reassure her any, but she just shook her head and ignored it.

 _Do you have the ballot boxes for the election ready yet?_ she typed to us.

Misha and I exchanged guilty looks. “Ah…” I mumbled.

Shizune sighed dramatically, and we got back to work.

 

* * *

 

Oddly enough, it was because of Hanako that I next heard Shizune speak.

Shizune, Misha and I were working in the student council office together one evening a couple of weeks after the accident when I heard Misha say, “Hi, Hacchan~!”

I looked up to see Hanako hovering in the doorway, a notepad clenched in front of her body like a shield against Misha’s volume. She looked on the verge of fleeing, so I said, much more quietly than Misha—though I suppose that’s a given—“Hey, Hanako. What’s up?”

Hanako opened her mouth, closed it, then took a deep breath and stood up a little bit straighter. She faced us squarely, no longer looking quite so much like she was going to bolt at any moment. “I’m here from the n-newspaper. I w-wanted to ask some questions…about the…elections?” She brandished her notepad as if to prove her bona fides as a reporter.

“Okay! Sure~!” chirped Misha. “Did you want to talk to Shicchan~?”

Hanako hesitated a moment, then nodded.

Misha beamed at Hanako and waved her towards Shizune. “You can just talk to her and she’ll type back at you! She’s getting really good at speechreading.” Then Misha’s smile faltered a little, as she contemplated Hanako’s hair—which, as usual, was draped over half of her face. “Er…”

“Or, I could translate for you,” I offered.

Hanako flashed me a grateful smile. “Th-thank you.”

Shizune was working on her laptop with her back to the door, and had missed Hanako’s entrance. I gently tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention. She turned around, her eyebrows arching up in an inquisitive expression.

[Hanako wants to ask you some questions about the election for the newspaper], I signed. Shizune frowned, then glanced at Hanako. Hanako cringed a little before that frown, but she didn’t retreat. She flipped her notebook open and pulled out a pen.

Shizune opened a note on her laptop. _She can talk to me without you translating,_ she typed.

[Maybe not,] I replied. This was why I was signing instead of speaking out loud to her. [Not only does she stutter, she hides behind her hair—I don’t think you’ll be able to see her face and lips very well.]

Shizune’s frown changed to a more thoughtful expression as she regarded Hanako. The change of expression didn't seem to reassure Hanako any. Shizune shook her head at me. _Let me handle this,_ she typed, then she picked up her smaller keyboard and walked over to a desk near Hanako. She set the keyboard down on the desk and waved Hanako to a seat on the other side of it as she sat. Shizune tapped a couple of keys, calling up the pre-programed phrase, _What can your student council do for you today?_

Hanako looked over at me. “Ah…”

“You can just talk normally to her,” I said. “She's pretty good at speechreading. You may need to repeat your questions occasionally to allow her to fully understand you.”

“Oh. Okay…” She looked down at her notepad at a list of questions. “I w-was hoping to ask you about—”

Shizune snapped her fingers, not as loudly as she could without broken fingers to limit her, but enough to cut Hanako off. Hanako looked up, startled. Shizune hit another macro combination and her keyboard spat out, _You need to face me directly for me to be able to understand you._

“Oh. R-right.” She looked down at her notes briefly, then faced Shizune more squarely and started again. “How are th-the preparations for—”

Shizune held up her hand to stop Hanako, shaking her head. She mimed brushing her hair back behind her ear.

Hanako shot me a slightly desperate look. “What?”

“She wants you to brush your hair back. Speechreading involves the whole face. She needs to see your jaw and cheeks move, not just your lips.”

Hanako lifted her right hand to her face, hesitated, and stopped with her hand covering her scars in an all too familiar gesture. “I…I don't…” Her eyes were wide, and her hand started to tremble.

Shizune placed her splinted hand on Hanako’s shoulder. Shizune looked more gentle and sympathetic than I'd ever seen her. Hanako took a deep breath and dropped her hand. Shizune resumed typing, not a pre–programmed phrase this time. _I need to see your full face. Your scars are nothing to be ashamed of. They are just your past. Your history. But now you are forging your path into your future._ Shizune stared into Hanako’s eyes for a long moment, then said, “Pleece. Let me shee you, sho I han hear you.”

Hanako looked startled to hear Shizune’s voice. But she seemed to realize that Shizune was sharing with her something that was almost as rare as her revealing her face. She nodded slowly, maintaining eye contact with Shizune, then she brushed her hair back off the right side of her face.

I had caught glimpses of Hanako’s facial scars here and there, but this was the first time I'd seen them fully. They managed to be both better and worse than I'd imagined. Better in that, although they were extensive, they weren't as textured and ridged as the scars I’d seen on her arm. I supposed she'd had a bit more cosmetic surgery on her face than elsewhere. But they were worse in the mental image they provided of just how badly she'd been burned. I just barely suppressed a wince at the sight, and I was glad Misha couldn't see Hanako’s right side from where she was sitting. I doubt she could have refrained from a gasp or some other response.

I think if Shizune had flinched, or even looked sympathetic, Hanako might have fled. But Shizune just smiled brightly at Hanako, and nodded. “Than you. Mush betteh.” Hanako blinked several times, as if startled by that response, then she gave a hesitant smile and nodded back.

Shizune resumed typing. _So, you had some questions for me?_

The interview went on for about twenty minutes. Hanako had to repeat herself frequently due to her stutter, but not as often as I'd feared. Watching Shizune, I got the impression that she was also surreptitiously reading Hanako’s notepad upside-down for the questions to make things easier. Occasionally, Hanako ducked her head as she looked down at her notepad, causing her hair to fall into its usual place. The first time that happened, Shizune reached out with her left arm to brush the hair back with her fingertips. Hanako jumped a little at the contact, but she didn’t retreat. The next time her hair fell forward, she brushed it back herself. By the end of the interview, she seemed to be pushing it back without conscious thought, as she focused on writing down Shizune’s responses to her questions.

Finally, Hanako closed her notebook, gave Shizune a grateful smile, and said, “Th-thank you, for taking the t-time to talk with me. The…article will b-be in the next issue of the newspaper.”

Shizune smiled back. “And than you. For lettin me…hear you.”

Hanako looked startled, as if suddenly reminded that she had her face fully uncovered. Her hand jerked up toward her face, as if to brush her hair back down, but then she aborted the gesture, and smiled again at Shizune. “Thank you,” she repeated quietly, and I didn’t think she was referring to the interview.

Shizune just smiled and nodded, then she returned to her laptop and her spreadsheets.

As Hanako turned to leave, I said, “Take care, Hanako. It was good seeing you.” I hoped that wasn’t too heavy-handed, but I meant it.

Hanako didn’t look like she believed me, but nor did she brush her hair back down either. She just nodded to me and Misha. “G-good bye.”

After waiting a minute, to make sure Hanako wasn’t going to return with any follow-up questions, I turned to Shizune and laid a hand on her shoulder to get her attention. Again, I got a querying lift of the eyebrows in response.

“Since when do you need to see someone’s _full_ face to understand them?” I asked drily. “I’ve seen you respond to someone from seeing only one side of their face.”

Shizune gave me an innocent look. _It is easier with a full face,_ she typed.

“Uh huh.” I smiled at her. She shrugged.

_It is the duty of the student council to help Yamaku students however we can. Sometimes that help is…less obvious than other times._

I leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. She frowned reprovingly at me, although her heart didn’t seem to really be in it. I heard Misha giggle behind me. “Tsk! Public displays of affection~! Naughty, Hicchan!”

I turned so that my body blocked my hands from Misha’s view and said, [And I still think your voice sounds sexy.]

Shizune blushed a charming shade of pink, then pointed firmly at the stack of papers behind me. I grinned back at her, and returned to my work.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally venturing into sexually explicit content.

The Friday after Hanako’s interview, Shizune and I were working late in the student council room. Misha had left earlier, pleading a history essay that was due soon. As we wrapped things up, Shizune typed to me, _Would you please come back to my room with me to assist me in getting ready for bed? Lilly normally assists me, but I fear she has already fallen asleep by now._

I was somewhat taken aback—both by her request itself, and also by the fact that she’d pre-programmed it into her keyboard. I wondered how long she’d been thinking about this.

Then the second part of her request struck me. “ _Lilly_ normally helps you?” Despite Lilly’s revelation that Shizune sometimes spoke to her, I found the notion of Shizune asking _Lilly_ for help almost inconceivable. [Why Lilly, of all people?]

Shizune shrugged. _She’s family._

“Oh.” Well, that made as much sense as anything, I guess. She certainly couldn’t ask Misha for help dressing and undressing—that would have just been cruel.

I looked at her, wondering if the request was innocent or licentious. Her gaze seemed open and direct, waiting for my reply. It was probably a simple need for assistance. Something which she hated, but was undoubtedly resigned to with her current short-term handicaps. I felt flattered that she would trust me enough to ask for help of that intimate sort.

I had quashed any notion of physical intimacy with Shizune, aside from the odd kiss here and there, ever since her accident. The thought of jarring her arm or hand and causing her pain was more than sufficient to help me control my libido.

I nodded to her and smiled. [Of course. Happy to be of service.]

She studied my face for a moment, her head cocked to the side, then she smiled and signed, [Thank you.]

I was a little nervous, entering the girls’ dorm so close to curfew, but Shizune seemed oblivious to any such concerns. No one in the common room paid us any mind as I followed her to her room.

She went to her bed and pulled a crimson night gown out from under her pillow. With her back still towards me, she reached up with her right hand and tapped the back of her neck where her left arm’s sling was tied. I untied it carefully, and slipped it off of her. She held her left arm with her right hand as the support was removed. I folded the sling and placed it on the desk.

She sat down on the edge of her bed and rested her cast in her lap. She extended one stocking-clad foot toward me and smiled. I licked my lips nervously and knelt before her. I placed my fingertips at the tops of her stockings, high up on her thigh. Just enough of her skirt draped between her thighs to keep me from seeing her panties as my eye was drawn inevitably up the length of her lovely legs. I glanced up to see her giving me a knowing smirk. I gently tugged on the stocking top, the feel of her flesh under my fingers electrifying. I was gratified to hear her suck in a sharp breath at my touch, and I returned her smirk.

As I rolled the stocking down her calf, I bent forward and kissed her thigh just above her knee. That close to her sex, I could smell a hint of her arousal, and all question of how “innocent” her request for help was went out the window. As I slipped the stocking off her foot, I held it up and looked at her questioningly. “Where should I put this?” I asked.

She leaned forward and grabbed the stocking in her right hand fingers and tossed it over her shoulder. Instead of flying dramatically to the floor next to the bed, it fluttered a half meter and ended up draped across the foot of the bed. We both giggled. It was the first time I’d heard her giggle out loud in a long time, and she covered her mouth with her splinted hand.

I reached up and gently pulled her hand away from her mouth, careful to not touch the healing fingers. I stared intently into her eyes. “Please, don’t hide your laughter. It’s a lovely sound. I love to hear you laugh.”

She stared back at me, blushing slightly, then she nodded slowly.

“Thank you,” I said and signed.

I returned my attention to her other stocking, peeling it slowly down her leg. Now that I felt more certain of her intentions, I let my fingers trail gently across her soft flesh, raising goosebumps as I went, and I kissed her other thigh, more sensually this time.

This stocking I succeeded in tossing to the floor, and I gave her a triumphant smile. She rolled her eyes, a tad hypocritically I thought, since _she_ would have made tossing lingerie to the floor a competition if she’d done better with her initial throw.

Her legs bared, she placed her knees primly together, then tugged off the black bow at her neck. It followed the stockings to the floor. She then pulled apart the first couple of fasteners at the top of her blouse.

Not surprisingly, Yamaku has a wide range of uniforms, to help accommodate various students’ disabilities. Following her accident, Shizune had been issued a set of uniform blouses which had velcro fasteners, with buttons sewn on the front for decoration. Additionally, her left sleeve was extra wide and cut short, to accommodate her cast.

Shizune snapped her fingers up by her face a couple of times to draw my attention away from her suddenly revealed cleavage. I blushed and met her gaze. She had a merry smile, and she arched an eyebrow at me. She gestured toward her blouse. I swallowed. It wasn’t as if she couldn’t unfasten her shirt—she’d just demonstrated that—but apparently, if I was there to undress her, I was going to undress her. I reached out and gently tugged the fasteners apart, slowly revealing a lacy black bra underneath. Her stomach was smooth and taut.

Despite the fact that we had had sex once—I still wasn’t totally sure if I could term the act “making love” or not—I had never seen her naked body. That time she had bound my hands, silencing me, removing my ability to undress her, let alone comment or protest. Not that I had had any desire to protest—the whole thing had been wonderful, if a touch surreal. But now, with her hands silenced by her injuries, and me free to speak or sign, our positions were somewhat reversed. Yet, as she silently commanded me to undress her, she was still somehow in control, still the one metaphorically on top. I wondered if she would ever let it be any other way. I suspected not.

I had to rise up on my knees as I slid the blouse off her shoulders. I gave her a quick kiss as I slid the shirt back off her right arm. I settled back down on my knees to gently work the left sleeve off over her cast. I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her body. She was more beautiful than I’d imagined, her skin soft and smooth, a visual delight. A small mole next to her navel was her skin’s only imperfection, and that just made her even more sexy, because it proved she was real, not just some statue carved from marble. My hands itched to find out if her skin was as soft as it looked.

“You are so very very beautiful,” I said, making sure she could see my face so she could read me. She blushed and gave a shy little smile, apparently pleased to be so admired. She tapped her bra between her breasts, and made a “come here” gesture with her right hand.

What she appeared to be trying to convey was that it was a front-clasp bra, and my hands trembled a little as I unhooked it. I glanced up at her face, wondering if she would stop me now, but she was biting her lip, charmingly nervous, cheeks flushed, and she nodded slightly. I let the bra fall open, revealing her breasts.

“Oh, my,” I said softly. Her breasts were large and full, with lovely nipples in the middle of dark pink areolae. Shizune’s face was red, but she also looked a trifle smug, like she was pleased to have provoked that kind of reaction in me. I leaned forward and planted a gentle kiss between her breasts, then lifted my head to kiss her on the lips. She returned the favor quite enthusiastically, and I gently cupped her breasts in my hands as we kissed. I groaned and she gasped as my thumbs found her nipples, and I reveled in getting to feel her for the first time. The softness of her skin and the weight of her breasts in my hands was better than I’d ever imagined.

We were having a weird inversion of the “normal” progression of a relationship—I’d had sex with her before ever seeing her naked, or even feeling most of her body. Since she’d left her skirt on last time, I hadn’t even been able to see the point of our joining, but simply felt her envelop me. But now, I could finally see, feel, and taste her.

I dropped my head to her chest and gently licked a nipple, delighting in feeling the texture of her nipple change as it erected under my tongue. She was so delicious, and smelled so good. She put her right wrist on the back of my head and pulled me against her more firmly. Taking the hint, I sucked her nipple into my mouth, then after another bit of pressure on my head, I took her nipple between my teeth and gently nipped.

That provoked a moan, the sexiest sound I’d ever heard. It was followed by a closed mouth whimper, and I looked up to see her biting her lips, trying to keep in the sound of her passion.

I pulled back a moment so she could see my face, and said, “Please let me hear you. You are so hot to listen to. So sexy.” I smiled at her encouragingly. [Please let me hear you,] I repeated, just to be clear.

She stared at me for a moment, her chest heaving (somewhat distractingly), then she nodded slowly and released her lips from between her teeth. I leaned up to kiss her mouth, pleased she was willing to let me hear her. Her face and neck were flushed red, but I didn’t think it was solely from embarrassment anymore.

Shizune slowly lay down on her bed as we kissed, raising her splinted hand to rest on her pillow above her head. I made a line of kisses from her lips down her neck back to her nipples as she reclined. I was still kneeling on the floor beside her bed, which was actually a pretty nice position for playing with her breasts without jarring an arm.

After a few minutes of kissing her nipples, I kissed my way down to her waist. I unbuttoned the her skirt, and stood up to pull it off. She lifted her hips to help, and I slid her skirt off and tossed it aside, leaving her laying on the bed in nothing but black lacy panties that matched the discarded bra.

Well, and a splint and a cast, but I wasn’t counting those. Though I _did_ need to pay careful attention to them, to avoid them, I reminded myself. I wasn’t going to be able to fully lose myself to passion; I would need to retain enough control to not hurt Shizune.

I stood beside the bed for a moment, just looking down on her, admiring her, and she squirmed a little under my regard. I signed, because I wanted to be sure she understood me, [You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.] For some reason that actually seemed to _reduce_ her embarrassment as she rolled her eyes at me, but I had been being perfectly sincere.

Shizune reached up and stuck her forefinger between two buttons on my shirt, just above my belt, and tugged, pulling the front of my shirt out of my pants. She yanked on it as firmly as she could, with just finger and thumb, and arched an expectant eyebrow at me. I was suddenly very aware that her hand was just centimeters above my throbbing cock, trapped in my pants, but I tried to ignore that.

“What?” I asked innocently. “Is there something you want?”

She gave me an amused glare for a moment, then she slowly said, “I wan…to see you na’ed. Too.”

I felt a shiver run up my spine to hear her address me directly. Even though her words were a little slurred, her voice was still a husky, sexy alto. There wasn’t much in the way of inflection, of emotional content, but I still found it appealing.

Then she let her hand drift down from my shirt and brush against the front of my pants, one fingernail scratching a line of sensation down the length of my cock. I gasped.

“Well. I did say I was happy to be of service,” I said, somewhat breathlessly. She snorted at that, and scooted up onto her pillows so she was partially sitting up to watch me. I licked my lips as I watched her breasts shift and reposition with her motions. I realized I was just watching her with a sappy smile on my face when she snapped her fingers at me and gestured up and down the length of my body.

Now it was my turn to blush with embarrassment. I wondered how I should proceed—should I try to make a show of it, slow and sexy? I had no clue how to do that, though, and I would probably just produce libido-killing hilarity. So rather than risk that, I decided to undress as matter-of-factly as I would have in my own room, getting ready for bed. I took off my tie, and folded it into quarters and placed it neatly on her desk.

Then it occurred to me, I may not be able to do any kind of sexy striptease, but I _could_ stretch things out a bit. Maybe make her impatient for more. So I unbuttoned my shirt slowly. One button at a time, letting my hands drift from button to button at a snail’s pace.

I looked at Shizune, and the tip of her tongue was between her lips as she watched me. Her eyes were glued to my hands, and I felt ridiculously gratified to be so fully the center of her attention.

I hesitated before opening my shirt. I’d told her about my heart surgeries, but she’d never seen the scars before. I stared at her, alert for changes in her demeanor, as I shrugged the shirt open and slid it down my arms behind my back. Her eyes went wide for a moment as she regarded me, then she smiled. “Smooth,” she said. Her tone was so flat I wasn’t quite sure what exactly she meant.

“Pardon?” I didn’t think she was watching my face, so intent was her focus on my torso, so I repeated the question. [What does that mean?]

Her hands twitched as if she wanted to sign a reply, then she said, “I am happy you are not hairy. I lite your smooth shest.” After a moment’s consideration, I translated “lite” as “like.”

“Oh.” I blushed, and ran a self-conscious hand down the length of my scars. “It’s actually kind of lumpy.”

She gave a silent laugh at that, then repeated, “I lite.” Her right hand drifted to her own chest, and as she looked at me, her two unbroken fingers gently circled and teased her nipple. I swallowed hard at that sight. My cock had been softening a little in my embarrassment at undressing, but that brought me back to full attention.

“Hontinue,” Shizune said. Her monotone was at odds with the heat in her gaze as she regarded me.

I unbuckled my belt, then my pants, then slowly slid them off. I was suddenly grateful that I had worn fairly neutral looking dark blue underwear that day. Not that I had been planning on being seen in (or out of) it when I got dressed that morning. Shizune licked her lips as she regarded the bulge in my boxer briefs. I slipped my thumbs under the edge of the waist band and slid them down a centimeter, then paused. After a moment, Shizune looked up at my face, and I smiled at her. “More?” I asked her playfully.

Her eyes went wide, and I suspect that if she had had fully functional hands she might have thrown a pillow at me. She nodded sharply at me, [Yes.]

[Say please.]

Her jaw actually dropped. I think I’d surprised her. She just stared at me for a moment, then she grabbed the edge of the comforter she was laying on and flipped it over her body, covering herself. She glared at me.

I shrugged. I was a little nervous, but I was fairly sure that for once, I had the upper hand. “Ah, well.” I reached for my pants and put them back on. Shizune continued to glare daggers at me. I slipped on my shirt and didn’t bother buttoning it up before heading to the door.

“Wait.”

I turned around, hand still on the doorknob, and looked at her. I was fighting not to grin as I arched an eyebrow at her. [Yes?]

Shizune opened her mouth and stared at me, then closed her mouth with an audible _click_ of her teeth. A hint of humor returned to her face, though she had a stern expression as she said, “You have not finissed helpin me undress ass you shed you would.”

“Ah. Yes.” [It is important that I keep my word,] I said solemnly, struggling to keep a straight face.

Shizune nodded sharply, the corners of her eyes crinkling.

“Well, then.” I let go of the doorknob and approached her bed. I stood beside it and looked down at her. She was mostly covered by her comforter, one leg and the edge of one breast peeking out on the far side. I gently tugged on the comforter, but she held onto it with her three functioning fingers. I didn’t pull too hard, since that wouldn’t have been a fair fight against her injured grip. I desisted, and asked, [How am I to finish my job properly if you won’t give me access to your panties?]

She blushed at my phrasing, which was what I had hoped for. She nodded at me. “You are fully dreshed. That iss not fair.”

With my shirt unbuttoned and untucked I wasn’t sure I could count as ‘fully dressed,’ but I didn’t argue the point. Instead I said, [ _My_ being undressed was not part of our original agreement.] Then I bit my lip to keep from grinning at her.

Shizune stared at me for a long moment, then she sighed. “Pleese.”

“Please what?” I asked innocently.

I saw her fingers twitch again, as if she wanted to furiously sign something at me, then she said “Please undressss for me.”

I smiled broadly, magnanimous in victory. [How could I refuse such a charming request?] I slipped off my shirt, and then my pants.

I had just started to slip my boxer briefs off when Shizune said again, “Wait.” I gave her an incredulous look. Wasn’t I giving her what she’d asked for?

She bit her lip, then said, somehow sounding shy even with her monotone, “Would you please undresh me firs?” She flung back the comforter, revealing herself to me.

I sucked in a sharp breath at the sight of her. I smiled and shook my head wonderingly. “Gladly. You’re so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?”

She smiled back. “Not so lutty as you are about to be.”

I chuckled at that and bent forward to place two gentle kisses on her breasts, one for each nipple. She hissed appreciatively. Then I kissed my way down her belly, ending with my face between her thighs. She smelled musky and hot, a sexy scent I was only vaguely acquainted with from our previous sexual encounter. I kissed her thighs, slipping my fingers under the edge of her panties at her hips as I did so. I rubbed my nose up and down along the length of her panty-clad crotch, and she gasped at the touch.

“Please,” she whimpered. “Pleeeease.”

I sat up a little, and again she lifted her hips so I could pull her panties down her thighs and off her legs. I had suspected from our previous encounter that she kept her sex shaved, but she obviously had not been able to keep that regimen up with her injuries. I suppressed a laugh at the mental image of her asking Lilly to help her with that intimate task.

A scant centimeter of fine black hair covered her vulva all over, the contrast with her pale skin somehow making her look even sexier. Her darker inner lips and clit were swollen and peeking out, glistening with her arousal. “Oh, my,” I said, though I don’t think she could see enough of my face to read me. I gently tried to push her knees apart. She resisted my attempt to move her, and when I looked up at her face, she was biting her lip and looking embarrassed. I wasn’t quite sure why, she was incredibly beautiful and sexy. I licked my lips hungrily, and said, “Please?”

She stared at me for a long moment, then she slowly relaxed her thighs, letting her knees fall apart. Her labia separated as her thighs parted, revealing a flash of pink between her dark inner lips to me. Her scent was intoxicating, and I lowered my face to kiss her gently on her labia. Again she gasped at my touch. I stuck out my tongue and gave a hesitant lick, not knowing what to expect.

She tasted somewhat like she smelled, but a touch more sharp. I took another, longer lick, and got more of her flavor in my mouth. It was like nothing I had ever tasted before, but after a moment’s consideration, I decided that I liked it. I licked her a third time, this time going further up, just gently flicking over her clit. Her whole body twitched at that touch, and I lifted my face so I could look up at her. I smiled broadly at her, and said, as clearly as I could, “Yummy.”

Shizune’s eyes went wide at that simple statement, then she giggled. It was unlike any sound I had ever heard from her before. Though I had heard occasional laughs and giggles from her, this one was a little more high pitched. It somehow sounded both a little more relaxed and yet also more tense. As in sexual tension. Keeping my eyes on her face, I gently licked her clit again, and her giggles cut off with a gasp. Her right hand came down and rested on my head, her mobile fingers digging into my scalp.

I wanted nothing so much as to dive into her, licking and sucking and kissing for all I was worth, but I held myself back, keeping my oral caresses slow and gentle at first. I was rewarded by hearing her breathing pick up in pace, and her unconscious whimpers became more frequent. I reached one hand up to pinch her nipple as I sucked gently on her clit, and her whole body convulsed at the combined stimulus. I played with her breast with one hand as I took the opportunity to suck on the fingers of my other hand, wetting them. I peered up at her, my gaze locked on her face as I resumed flicking my tongue over her most sensitive parts and slid a finger into her.

She moaned. And it was the hottest sound I’d ever heard. I realized I was unconsciously humping the edge of the bed as I knelt there. I was half on and half off of the bed, exploring Shizune’s body and discovering new and better ways to make her moan. To make her vocalize.

A second finger joined the first, gently stroking inside her. I was fascinated at how soft and hot and wet she was inside, how textured. I’d never imagined the inside of a woman to be anything other than smooth. Her muscles contracted around my fingers, and she pulled my head harder against her crotch. I sucked a little harder on her clit for a moment as I experimentally curled my fingers inside her, and she arched her back and mewled for a long drawn out minute, her thighs clamped around my face, her insides squeezing my fingers tight.

After a long timeless moment of ecstasy, she fell limp to the bed, and gently pushed my head away from her. “Enuhh,” she gasped. I ceased my oral onslaught, and slowly removed my fingers. She gave a hard shudder again as I slid out of her, and I licked my fingers. I was surprised that my fingers tasted a little different than her labia had. Muskier, and yummier.

Shizune’s breathing slowly returned to normal, and she opened her eyes and looked down at me. I smiled up at her, feeling quite pleased—well, a little smug, actually—that I was able to make her come this way. “Not bad for an almost-virgin, eh?” I asked, but I wasn’t sure her eyes were focused enough to read my speech just yet.

She licked her lips and said, a little unsteadily, “I have not been able to…relieve that partiyoolar itch…since my assident. Thaan you.”

“My pleasure.”

She smiled at me. “Not yet.”

I crawled onto the bed and positioned myself on my hands and knees above Shizune. She tugged gently on my underwear with her right hand, then she stopped, looking frustrated. “Want to touch you. But…”

I hesitated, then sat back on my heels to free my hands up for signing. [How do we proceed from here, without hurting you?] It occurred to me that perhaps this was as far as we _could_ go. The narrowness of the bed made it hard to envision positions we could use without putting her injured arm or hand at risk.

Kneeling between her legs. I was momentarily distracted by the lovely view she presented to me from there, and I ran one hand up and down the length of her leg, enjoying the feel as well as the sight and scent of her. Honestly, if this was all we managed to do tonight, I could be happy. Just seeing and feeling and tasting her was such a treat. Not that I didn’t want to get off too, but not at the expense of her pain.

Shizune frowned a moment in thought, then pointed at her desk chair. I cocked my head quizzically at her. “What?”

“Brin it near the bed.”

“Okay…” I got out of bed and placed it next to the bed. Shizune sat up and swiveled around. Her arm with the cast was hanging over the edge of the bed, and she rested it on the chair. I laughed at the ingenious solution. With her arm out of the way, we had a little more room to work with. I climbed back onto the bed and knelt between her spread legs.

“Wait,” said Shizune. “Hondom.”

“Um, okay.” [Didn’t we not use one last time?] I’d just assumed, since she’d been manifestly in control, that if she didn’t use a condom it was because we didn’t need it. That she was on the pill or something.

She bit her lip, then admitted, “My blood festival had just ended. I tooh a chance. I wanted to feel bare flesh our firsht time.”

“Ah.” [I assume…your gamble paid off?]

She smiled at me. “That wash over a month a’o. No problems.”

Which I assumed meant she’d had a period since then. I let out a small sigh of relief. “Okay.”

I got my wallet out of my pants, pulled out the condom I had in there, then Shizune said, “No.”

I looked at her, puzzled. “No? We _don’t_ need one?”

She shook her head. “We do, but nah that one. Body heat breats down latesh. Use a new one.” She pointed to her bedside table. I pulled open the drawer, and found an unopened box of condoms among the paraphernalia in it. She arched an eyebrow at me. “Thoshe have been there waitin’ for you for a while, now.”

“Really? Dare I ask how long?”

She smiled a smile that had a lot of teeth. “Lawn enough.”

Huh. I unwrapped a condom and unrolled it onto myself. I positioned myself between her legs, then glanced at her. She bit her lip, and nodded, and I fumbled around a bit trying to find the right angle to enter her. She gasped as I rubbed the length of my cock up and down her slit, rubbing her clit, then suddenly she canted her hips _just_ right, and I slid into her.

“ _Ohhhh_ …” she moaned softly. She smiled gently, her head lolling a little to the side at the sensation of me filling her. My own moan went unheard, but the expression on my face must have been sufficient to convey my feelings, because her smile just grew.

I made a few gentle, tentative thrusts, getting the feeling for how to do things. As each subsequent stroke slid deeper into her, she whimpered more. I glanced over at her left arm on the chair, making sure it was all right. I would have to be careful to not thrust too vigorously; I wouldn’t want to knock her arm off of its support.

I felt her right hand fingers trace a gentle line down my back. I shivered at the sensation, but then worried that she might hurt herself. Suddenly I recalled the last time we’d made love, with her tying my hands into stillness and silence.

I stopped thrusting and pulled back from her a little, so she could see my face more clearly. I said, “I don’t want you to use your hands at all. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

She frowned. “I want to feel you. I will shtop if it hurts.”

I shook my head. “No. I worry too much about you. So I propose a game.”

Her face lit up at that for a moment, then her expression grew wary. “What hame?”

I smiled. “Similar to the one we played last time. But without the ropes. You don’t move your hands or arms at all, or else I win, and I stop.”

She snorted. “That shounds lite you loose, too.”

I shook my head. “No. I win because that way I don’t have to worry about hurting you. My worrying about your pain is distracting. Not arousing.”

She considered my proposal for a moment, then asked, “What ish my prize when _I_ win?”

I smiled at her—leered, really—and replied, “Orgasms.”

She laughed at that, then said, “Orashms plural? I will hoad you to that.” She leered back at me.

Suddenly I realized I'd just inadvertently upped the stakes to a level I wasn’t sure I could deliver on. I was practically still a virgin, after all, and despite having already made her come once, I had no delusions about being a natural Don Juan. I just had to hope she still had a backlog of built-up passion from not being able to “relieve her itch” for the past three weeks.

Shizune smirked at me, and I wondered if I'd let my uncertainty show on my face. I forced a confident smile, and asked, “Do we have a deal?”

She stared at me, her eyes twinkling, then nodded. “Plural,” she repeated.

Oh, boy. Well, I’d gotten myself into it this far, I’d just have to soldier on through. A tough mission, but someone had to do it. Suddenly I was grateful for the slight decrease in sensitivity that the condom provided.

Shizune lifted her right hand to rest above her head, out of the way. I paused to admire the picture she presented. I thrust gently into her, and enjoyed the way her breasts rippled with the motion. I glanced again at her cast on the chair, making sure I wasn’t disturbing it, then lay a little more firmly atop her body. She wrapped her legs around mine, pulling me close, and I licked the side of her neck, making her shudder. The feeling of her whole body, pressed hot against the front of mine, as well as surrounding my cock, was electrifying. The taste and scent of her filled my other senses.

I wanted to move slowly, just to make it last longer, enjoy it more, and also to take it easy on my heart. But even so, my baser instincts were prodding me to move faster, drive into her harder. As I began to settle into a rhythm that I felt my heart could endure, she began to pull me deeper into her with her feet at each stroke, encouraging me. I kissed her, hard, and she sucked on my tongue and moaned.

I didn’t know if it was the three weeks of backlog, or if she was sensitized from having come once already, but it wasn’t too long before she closed her eyes and tilted her head back, a high-pitched mewl issuing from her throat once more. I could feel her spasming around my cock. I dared to move a little faster, my heart galloping, and she opened her eyes to stare at me, her expression almost lost as she moaned wordlessly, and she twitched and convulsed again.

Which was all too much for me, and I moaned myself and slammed deep into her, a white static of pleasure coursing through my brain as I came too. The throbbing in my cock seemed to both last forever and be over all too soon, and I collapsed in a limp pile on top of her. We panted together quietly for a few moments.

Our game over, I felt her right hand trace a gentle line up and down the length of my sweaty back, settling on my ass where she gave me a gentle squeeze. I giggled at that, sat up and slipped out of her, holding onto the condom to make sure I didn’t lose it. She made small noise as I slid out of her. I got out of bed for a moment to dispose of the condom and wipe myself down, then I climbed back into bed next to her, maneuvering carefully so that I didn’t jostle her arm or hand.

“And so…I win,” Shizune said with a small smile.

I shook my head and kissed her. “No. _We_ win.”

Her smile grew broader. “Yesh. We win.”

We lay side by side, our legs intertwined but our faces a bit apart so Shizune could see my lips.

I smiled at her beautiful sweaty face. “I love you,” I said.

Shizune looked startled. “What did you shay?”

I sat up to free both of my hands. [I love you,] I repeated in sign, so there could be no confusion. I was nervous about saying it to her, but it was how I felt. I wanted her to know. Even if the feeling wasn’t fully reciprocated. I lay back down beside her and studied her face.

Shizune looked at me seriously, then a smile slowly grew on her face. “Of hourse you do,” she said.

That was _not_ the response I had expected. Nor was it the one I had hoped for. But at least it wasn’t one of the ones I’d feared.

Shizune read my confused expression and her smile turned warmer. She shook her head slowly, chidingly. “Shilly boy. Recent developments notwithstandin, I mostly speah with my hands and body. I would never have let you inshide me if I didn't love you.”

“Oh.” I felt a little stupid. Admittedly, that was not an unusual state for me in romantic situations. So, wait, did that mean she already loved me a month ago, when we first had sex? I felt my own smile growing as my confusion faded.

“Let me teach you some Amerihan shine language.”

“Uh. Okay.” This seemed like an odd time for a signing lesson.

“Shayin I love you needs both hands in JSL.” She glanced at her cast and grimaced. “Amerihans wear their hearts more on their sleeves. They han say it with one sign. Sit up and hiv me your hand.”

I sat up and extended my right hand, and she manipulated my fingers so that my thumb, index finger and pinky were extended, the ring and middle finger folded down. “There. That ish I love you in ASL.”

I looked at my hand, bemused. “Isn’t that what rock stars do during concerts?”

She giggled. “Thash with their thumbs folded down too.”

“Oh. Right.” I looked at her right hand. “But even one-handed, you can’t make this sign with your fingers splinted.”

“I don’t need to. You should know I love you.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear it from you. It’s…both reassuring, and nice to hear. Here, let me show you.” [I love you.]

She smiled. “You are right, it ish nice to hear.” She gave me a kiss, and said, “I love you, too.” It struck me as a little odd to hear those words spoken so flatly, but they still warmed my heart.

“Good. I’m glad we got that settled.” I leaned in to kiss her, then slid my arm under her neck and snuggled closer to her, effectively ending conversation for the night. I sighed happily as I cupped her breast in my hand and breathed deep, taking in her scent. “I love you,” I murmured softly, even though she couldn’t hear me. And I drifted off to sleep.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

I was awakened by a buzzing noise, and reached for my alarm clock, only to find carpet where my bedside stand should be. I opened my eyes to see Shizune’s room, from the perspective of the floor beside her bed. Oh, right. I’d had to move to the floor in the night, the narrow bed having proved too cramped to avoid bumping into her arm or hand.

Then the events that had preceded falling asleep came rushing back to me, and I smiled. I sat up, untangled myself from the blanket, and stretched my shoulders, which were a little stiff for having slept on the floor. Above me, I saw Shizune reach over and tap the off button on her alarm clock.The buzzing stopped, and I noticed a cord stretched from her alarm clock to her bed. The sound I’d heard was her alarm, something that vibrated under her pillow to wake her.

She reached for her glasses and pulled them on. [Good morning,] I said with a smile. She looked adorable in her red nightgown with sleep-tousled hair.

Shizune blinked at me a few times, then she gave me a wan smile and nodded. She sat up slowly, settled her cast into her lap, and groaned slightly.

Her unenthusiastic response worried me, and I suddenly wondered if she regretted our activities of last night. My concerns must have shown on my face, because she said, “Forawt to tae meds last night.”

Right, she was still taking painkillers on a regular basis. [Where are they?] I asked as I stood up.

She pointed to her desk, and I picked up the only pill bottle on the desk. The label said to take two with water, so I shook out two pills and handed them to her, then passed her the water bottle she had sitting on her desk.

[Thank you.] She took her pills, then lay back on the bed. I pulled my own pill box out of my book bag and also downed my morning fistful of pills. After several instances of not taking my medications on time because I was working late at the student council office, or because I forgot to grab them before going to the pool in the morning, I’d begun carrying a few days’ supply with me in my bag at all times. And, if I was being totally honest, I’d also begun carrying them in hopeful anticipation of someday spending the night in Shizune’s room.

Shizune watched me, looking curious about my meds, her expression dulled slightly by pain. “Don’t you also have schwimmin?” she asked.

Ah. Right. Reality. As much as I might want to spend the day in Shizune’s room, admiring the way she filled out her red nightgown, there were other responsibilities calling. I glanced at her clock, and was surprised to note that I still had plenty of time to get to the pool—she was an early riser. Something I hadn’t known about her, but which didn’t really surprise me. She looked to be in too much discomfort to want to struggle with speechreading, so I nodded to her and signed, [Yes. I had better get going.]

She nodded back.

I smiled at her and added, [Thank you for last night. It was wonderful.]

She smiled tiredly. [Yes. Thank you.]

[My pleasure.] I bent and gave her a gentle closed-mouth kiss—my morning breath was too nasty to want to inflict it on her. As we pulled apart I was pleased to see the smile on her face was warmer.

I pulled on my pants, then I flinched as the doorbell chimed and flashed. Shizune made a small groaning noise. “Lilly,” she said by way of explanation.

“Ahhh…” [What should I do?] I signed, then hurriedly buttoned up my shirt.

She shrugged. “Ansher it. She’ll know you’ve been here anyway, the room smells of sesh.”

I blushed at that, but I couldn’t deny her statement. And if Lilly’s sense of smell was as acute as her sense of hearing, there was no way to hide it from her. I sighed, and prepared myself for embarrassment as I walked to the door.

“Good morning, Lilly,” I said as graciously as I could as I opened the door. She was wearing a robe over her pajamas and was carrying a bathroom tote with her clothes and all the mysterious bathing supplies girls need. No cane, I was surprised to note, but I guess she knew her way around the dorm well enough to not always need it.

“Oh! Ah, good morning, Hisao.” Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “Does Shizune not need my assistance this morning?”

I stepped aside to make room for her to enter, and angled my body so I could translate for Shizune as I responded, “Actually, I was just heading to my morning workout at the pool. If you could help Shizune as usual, that would be appreciated.” I couldn’t help but notice that her nostrils flared as if she were taking in the room’s scents, and her face turned a slightly darker shade of pink.

“Yesh, than you, Lilly,” Shizune agreed.

“My, my.” Lilly smiled wryly. “I suppose I should have assumed you might be here when Shizune informed me my assistance was not needed last night.” I was translating for Shizune automatically, and it took a second for Lilly’s words to sink in.

I arched an eyebrow at Shizune. [You told her she wasn’t needed last night?]

Shizune just smiled broadly at me, and said, “Yesss,” answering both of our questions at once.

“Well, if you ladies will excuse me, the pool awaits,” I said. “Lilly, Shizune just took her painkillers, so it will be a while before she’s feeling a hundred percent.”

“Ah. I hope her…exertions…last night didn’t cause her any extra pain.”

I was grateful she couldn’t see my blush. “No, we were careful.”

“But were you _safe_?” she asked with a small sly smile.

“Lilly!” She and Shizune both giggled at my reaction. “ _Yes._ We were. Thank you,” I muttered through clenched teeth.

Lilly moved into the room. “That’s good. Have a nice workout, Hisao.” She wrinkled her nose at me and added, “You might wish to shower _before_ getting in the pool, however.”

I didn’t respond, but just grabbed my shoes, book bag, and jacket, and fled before she could embarrass me any further. The sound of both of them laughing followed me down the hall. I was _so_ glad to be able to unite them in common humor.

I paused in the empty common room to put on my shoes, tie and jacket. My hopes of escaping the girls’ dorm without further embarrassment went by the wayside when I bumped into Emi just outside the front door. She was wearing her running blades, and a long sleeved warm-up jacket against the morning chill. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw me coming out of the girls’ dorm.

“Good morning, Hisao.”

“Good morning, Emi,” I replied cautiously. I began walking toward the pool, but unfortunately the path to the track was the same path for the first few hundred meters, so she fell into step beside me. For once, she wasn’t jogging to the track, but she kept pace with me. Dammit.

“Busy night of student council work?” she inquired sweetly.

I stared at the path ahead and didn’t meet her eyes. “I was…just dropping off some papers to Shizune before my morning swim,” I said, pleased to have come up with an almost-reasonable sounding excuse.

“Uh-huh. Which is why you’re wearing the same shirt as yesterday, and your hair looks even worse than usual.”

“What? How can you know that this is the same shirt?” Uniform shirts were, well, _uniform_. I decided to ignore the crack about my hair.

She pointed to a spot on my chest beside my tie. “Unless you decorate _all_ of your shirts with soy sauce.”

I tugged my tie a little to the side to cover the splotch. I’d forgotten about my little slip-up at lunch yesterday. “Teriyaki, actually.” Then I frowned at Emi. “Wait, I didn’t even see you yesterday. How did you know I stained it yesterday?”

She grinned. “I didn’t. Until now.”

I groaned. I couldn’t believe I’d fallen for that one.

“Relax, Hisao. It’s not like you’re the first boy to sneak out of the girls’ dorm in the morning.” She wiggled her eyebrows at me suggestively. “Or vice versa.” The sight of something as overtly sexual as a leer on her child-like face caused a little cognitive dissonance. I looked away from her.

We walked along in silence for a few paces. She broke the silence with, “So, you’re swimming in the mornings now?”

“Yeah. I needed to do something to get into shape.”

She nodded firmly. “Good.”

“Good?”

“Yeah, it’s good that you’re doing something for your health. It was obvious from the way Nurse bugged me about getting you to work out that you need _something_ for PT. I just wish you’d started sooner.”

“Huh? Why do you care? I thought you were pissed at me.”

We’d come to where the paths to the track and the pool split, so Emi stopped and faced me. She put her hands on her hips and stared up at me, shaking her head. “Just because I was pissed at you doesn’t mean I want you to _die_ , you jerk. I’m glad you’re taking your health a little more seriously.”

“Thanks?”

“Shizune may be a petty dictator at times, but at least she got you to start taking care of yourself.”

“Hey, what makes you think I didn’t decide to do this on my own?” I asked indignantly.

“Pffft. Right.” She punched me on the shoulder, and I flinched.

“ _Please_ don’t do that,” I said, visions of her missing her target by a few inches and putting me back in the hospital filling my head.

“Huh? What’s the matter, you can’t take a hit from a little girl?” She lifted her fist threateningly, and I took a step back away from her, crossing my arms defensively across my chest.

“No. I can’t, actually,” I said glumly.

Her grin faltered, and she lowered her fist. “What do you mean?” she asked quietly.

I sighed. Well, I’d told Misha and Shizune, I might as well continue the process of becoming a fully integrated Yamaku student. “I have a bad heart. Like, really bad. A sharp blow to the chest could kill me. Literally.”

Emi’s eyes went wide, and she tucked her hands behind her back as if to keep them from accidentally hitting me. “Oh, shit, I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

I shrugged. “How could you? I haven’t been telling anyone about it.”

A horrified look of realization blossomed on her face. “Oh my god, that time I ran into you in the hall…” She covered her mouth with her hand, looking stricken.

“Yeah, that was a close one. You almost put me back in the hospital. Or the grave.”

“Shit. I’m _sorry_ ,” she repeated.

I shrugged. “Hey, you didn’t kill me.” I forced a grin. “So I guess that means you must have made me stronger, right?”

She snorted. “Yeah, I guess.” She cocked her head and looked at me thoughtfully. “You’re swimming to strengthen your heart?”

“Yeah. Speaking of which…” I gestured down the path towards the pool.

“Right, right, I gotta get to my workout too.” She hesitated a moment, then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. She hugged me gently, not letting her head press too hard against my chest. I was startled, but after a moment I hugged her back.

It was a brief hug, and she didn’t look me in the face when she let go. “Well, I’m glad I didn’t kill you. And I’m glad you’re finally taking your PT seriously. See you around.” She turned and started jogging toward the track.

“See you later,” I called to her retreating back. She lifted a hand in response without looking back, and disappeared around the corner of the building.

Huh. Well, I wasn’t sure if that qualified as completely mending our relationship, but it felt like it came closer. I smiled as I headed toward the pool.

And the showers.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

Monday morning Shizune went to the doctor’s for a checkup on her arm and hand. When she came back, she was sporting slimmer, removable splints on her fingers, which allowed her to take them off for cleaning and physical therapy. The cast on her arm had been replaced with a cast which left more of the fingers on her left hand exposed, allowing her to gently use them for a few tasks. Unfortunately, her left hand still wasn’t fully mobile, and she still couldn’t sign with it, but she could at least tap at her keyboard more easily with two hands and hold small objects.

 _Dr. said I was healing well_ , she reported, looking pleased. _Finger splints off before end of month, begin PT on arm next month._

I checked to make sure Misha couldn’t see my hands. [I’ll continue to be available if you need assistance in the evenings,] I offered magnanimously.

She smirked and replied, _I'll keep you in mind._

I continued to provide her with “assistance” every few days, and we worked on finding new and different pain-free positions in which to work on her plural orgasms. Our exertions also proved to be remarkably effective soporific for me; occurrences of insomnia were less frequent when I spent the night with her.

Less frequent. But not entirely gone.

One gray morning I found myself staring at the ceiling of Shizune’s room for a ridiculously long time. Eventually, other biological pressures made themselves known, and I pulled on my trousers at around three a.m. to sneak downstairs to the boy’s bathroom. It was located on the ground floor by the common room, for use by male visitors. I listened from Shizune’s doorway for a moment before leaving the room, but heard no movement or noise aside from some amazingly loud snores emanating from Misha’s room. Even in her sleep, she was loud.

I got to the head of the stairs and paused, startled to see a body curled up on the steps partway down. I darted down, visions of another student having fallen like Shizune flashing through my mind. But it proved to be Rin, curled up on the steps with her head pillowed on her book bag, apparently sleeping peacefully. Somehow.

I wondered if I should wake her. On the one hand, it would reveal my presence in the girls’ dorm after curfew. On the other hand, that wasn’t really a huge secret, and I hated the thought of her possibly rolling over in her sleep and tumbling down the stairs.

I decided to wake her, but first I ducked into the restroom to take care of my own needs. When I came back to the stairs, she hadn’t moved. I crouched down next to her and gently shook her slender shoulder.

She shrugged my hand off her shoulder without opening her eyes, and mumbled, “Go ‘way, Emi.”

“Wrong person,” I said, amused.

She opened her eyes and blinked sleepily at me. “Hisao? Why are you Emi?”

“I’m not. See, two legs.” I gestured down at my lower half. Then I winced at my own insensitivity. I probably shouldn’t be allowed to talk to other people on zero hours of sleep. Fortunately, Rin didn’t seem to notice or care.

Her eyes didn’t travel that far down my body. She seemed to wake up a bit more as she eyed my chest scar with interest. “I guess your problem really _is_ your heart.” I flushed, and hurriedly buttoned up my shirt. She sat up and rolled her head on her neck, stretching. “I was already pretty sure the problem wasn’t in your pants, given the noises coming from Shizune’s room some evenings.”

My blush deepened. “Come on, Rin, you should be in bed. It’ll be a lot more comfortable than the stairs.”

“How can you be sure? Have you ever slept on the stairs?”

“No, but it certainly looked uncomfortable.”

She stood up and winced. “You’re right.” I picked up her book bag and draped the strap over her shoulder, the way I’d seen Emi do for her. She didn’t even acknowledge my assistance, she just trudged up the rest of the stairs. I followed her up, and she wandered down the hall towards her room, several doors past Shizune’s. I watched her go, wondering if she needed help, but she shrugged her book bag off her shoulder and dropped it to the floor. She pulled a key out with her toes, then deftly unlocked her door. “Good night, Rin,” I called quietly down the hall, but she didn’t respond as she slipped into her room, dragging the book bag in behind her with her foot. I shook my head and headed back to my nest of blankets on Shizune’s floor.

 

* * *

 

Shizune said, “Misha’s birthday is shoon. I need to buy her a preshent.”

I looked up from the English story I’d been struggling to read for class, happy for the distraction. “When is it?”

“November firsht.”

“Do you think we should throw her a party?”

Shizune looked thoughtful at that notion, and I hastened to add, [It doesn’t need to be a Student Council sponsored school-wide party. Just a few friends at the Shanghai or something.]

She gave me an amused look. “I know.”

I tried to think of who we might invite. She spent so much of her time with just Shizune and me that I wasn’t sure who else she would _want_ to have at a party. When I said as much to Shizune, she nodded in agreement.

“Maybe…we should just invite our homeroom class?” I suggested.

She nodded and pulled her laptop to her. _Yes, but we also need to invite some of the people who live near her in the dorm, like Emi & Rin & Tak-Tak. Maybe Lilly, too, if we want Hanako to actually show up. Lilly and Misha were friends, before my falling out with Lilly._

“Eh…” I waggled my hand in a so-so gesture. [It’s not like Hanako is that close to Misha. And having you and Lilly together at the same party might be…counter-productive to a festive environment.]

Shizune flushed a little at that. _Actually, we are getting along much better these days. Since she began assisting me._ She gave me a slightly embarrassed smile. _As long as we don’t discuss Student Council business, we’re fine._

Huh. Well, I was glad they were getting along better. Although I hadn’t spent a lot of time with her, I rather liked Lilly.

_And maybe we should invite some of the students in the advanced sign language classes—those are the other students she spends the most time with, outside of our homeroom classmates._

“Like who?”

_Ono, Takagi, and Kiyabu, at least. I know she studies with them sometimes._

I nodded. “Okay.”

_But what should I get her? This is our last birthday together. I need to find the perfect gift for her._

I almost groaned as I read that. The thought of Shizune on a quest for the “perfect” gift sounded potentially frightening.

[It doesn’t need to be _perfect_. It just needs to come from you, from your heart, for her to appreciate it.]

Shizune looked dubious. “I must thint about this.”

 

* * *

 

Speechreading lessons notwithstanding, Misha or I continued to translate for Shizune in classes, since teachers sometimes faced the chalkboard while speaking, or mumbled, or looked down at their notes.

But in day-to-day, one-on-one interpersonal interactions, Misha was no longer required to be constantly by Shizune’s side. It was interesting to watch, as Shizune slowly began to interact with people more personally, without Misha providing a filter. I began to realize that while Misha’s assistance had sometimes helped soften some of Shizune’s harsher words, there were other times that Misha’s boisterous interpretations might have scared or alienated the shyer and quieter students.

Now Shizune was interacting more on her own, and she was able to see what effect her words had on people directly, without filtering. No longer did she have to wonder how much other peoples’ reactions to her were due to Misha; it was all on her.

Ironically enough, now that she was largely unable to sign, her interactions with the other deaf students became more frequent. In addition to her lessons with Mrs. Shibata, she sometimes worked with Shori Takagi, another deaf student who spoke. Takagi pulled her into some interactions with the other deaf students, who much to my surprise were mostly fairly accepting of Shizune, despite her having largely avoided them for over two years.

One afternoon I bumped into Takagi in the library. She was a big girl, several centimeters taller and a few kilos heavier than I, pleasantly voluptuous. I'd seen her in town a few times, and when not forced to wear a school uniform her fashion sense seemed to skew towards the gothic Lolita look, all black and frilly. Black lace-topped stockings and a black feathery fascinator pinned to the side of her head next to her ponytail were her only nods to that style when she was in uniform.

[Hi, Takagi,] I said.

“Hi, Nakai,” she replied.

Since we were in the library, I continued in sign, since it was quieter. And I wanted to ask something potentially private. We chatted for a few moments about classes before I worked up the nerve to address what was on my mind.

[Do you mind if I ask you something about Shizune?]

She shrugged. [Sure. What’s up?]

[I’ve seen you and Shizune talking with other deaf students. Something I’d never really seen her do before. Why…] I hesitated, not quite sure of how to phrase my question without giving offense. Takagi looked curious as to where I was going with my question, but she didn’t offer any assistance. I sighed, and went for blunt. [Why are you all so nice to her, when she avoided you all for so long?]

Takagi grinned. [Meaning, after she treated us like second-class citizens for two and a half years?]

I winced. [Was she really that bad?]

“Eh.” [No, not really. I was exaggerating for effect. But she was definitely uncomfortable around us. Anyone could see that.]

[So, why…?]

She toyed with the fascinator on the side of her head for a moment, looking thoughtful. [Well, it’s certainly not _all_ of us. Nariaki still wouldn’t give her the time of day, and Ayana…] She shook her head. [But most of us could tell she had some… _issues_. Things to deal with. Everyone responds to their disabilities differently. Some people take longer to come to terms with it. And for some people, being around other people with the same disability just reminds them of what they’re struggling with.]

She waved a hand, gesturing at the school. [A lot of us have gone through something similar, or seen it in other friends here at school, dealing with their own disabilities. So, I don’t hold it against her. She’s finally getting her shit together, and I don’t want to discourage that.]

“Huh.” [That’s…amazingly nice of you,] I signed, as I tried to absorb all she’d said.

She grinned. [Or maybe I’m just self-serving, and trying to get closer to Misha.]

[Misha? She’s spending _less_ time around Shizune nowadays.] I was confused as to what she meant.

She rolled her eyes and waved a hand. [Never mind. I gotta go study, see if I can cram some more history into my brain.]

[Good luck. I hate history too,] I offered in commiseration.

She waved farewell, and headed out of the library.

 

* * *

 

Shizune may have been interacting with other students more directly, including the deaf students, but that didn’t mean she suddenly became a sweet and cuddly teddy bear. She still emphatically expected everyone’s best, and could be acerbic with those whom she thought were slacking. But her sharp edges rounded off a little. She seemed to finally grasp that not everyone could perform at the top of their game all the time. In large part because _she_ couldn’t perform at the top of her game all the time. Pain and exhaustion and tedious communications took their toll, and she had no choice but to submit to her healing body’s demands.

One evening as we were working late in the student council office, Shizune said, “Misha?”

Misha looked up from where she’d been frowning at a recalcitrant column of attendance numbers that didn’t quite add up. “Yes, Shicchan?” she replied with a smile. Like me, she seemed to take some pleasure in simply hearing Shizune say her name.

“What are you doin’ nest Thursday after dinner?”

Misha looked puzzled at the out-of-the-blue question. “Um. Student council work?” she guessed.

Shizune and I both smiled at that. “Not on your birthday you’re not,” I said.

Misha’s face lit up. “You remembered~!”

“Of hoarse I remembered. What hind of friend would I be if I forawt your birthday?”

“Would you join us in Shizune’s room after dinner?” I asked. “So we might share some birthday cake, and maybe you could even open up a few presents?”

“Presents~?” Misha blurted. “You don’t have to give me _presents_ ~!”

“But what if we want to give you presents?” I asked with a smile.

“I...but you…” She floundered for a moment, looking unaccountably uncomfortable. “That’s really not necessary~!”

I exchanged a glance with Shizune, who also looked puzzled at Misha’s reaction.

“No, it’s not _necessary_ ,” Shizune said. “But we _want_ to give you presents.”

“But I...I hardly do anything for you these days.”

Shizune and I both frowned. “It has nothing to do with that,” I said. “We give you presents because you’re our friend.”

“But…” She trailed off, staring at the floor and biting her lip.

“Misha,” Shizune said.

Misha looked up at Shizune. This time, hearing Shizune say her name didn’t make her smile.

Shizune stared intently at Misha, as if trying to make sure that Misha heard her. “Thant you.”

Misha’s head jerked back, as if in shock. “Thank me for what~, Shicchan?”

“For everythin’ you have done for me.” She continued staring at Misha, as if willing her to hear her, understand her.

Misha flushed, and said, “I haven’t done much. I’m doing even less~, now that you don’t need me to translate for you all the time.”

Shizune shook her head. “No. Now that you aren’t always translatin’ for me, I am realizin’ how mush you _did_ do for me. I toog you for rranted. I apoloshize. And want you to know I appreciate all you did.”

Misha’s face was almost as pink as her hair. She bit her lip, blinking hard for a moment, then said slowly, “You’re welcome, Shicchan. And…thank you. For thanking me.”

Shizune nodded, also blushing. “I thint...I should have said that to you lawn aho.”

Misha gave her a shy smile, and shook her head. “Thank you,” she repeated quietly.

I watched the two of them, smiling. Shizune noticed me, and gave me a raised eyebrow of inquiry. I said, “I’m just glad you two are getting along so much better these days.”

Misha smiled a little more broadly. “Yeah. Me too.”

Shizune nodded again.

“So. You’ll join us for birthday cake and presents?” I asked, steering the conversation back to its original course.

Misha took a deep breath and nodded. “All right. If you really want~ to.”

“We do,” I said.

“Okay.”

“Esselent,” said Shizune. “Now that we’ve settled that—how about those attendance numbers?…”

 

* * *

 

I continued to bump into Emi in the mornings after I spent the night with Shizune, and our walks together towards our respective workouts became a kind of routine for us. She was almost unbelievably chipper and cheery for that hour of the morning, always happy to be off for her run, whether the day was sunny or cloudy, warm or cold. It didn’t make getting up early any easier, but it was at least a little more pleasant. She was just so upbeat that I couldn’t help but feel better for spending those few minutes with her in the morning.

Unfortunately, Emi didn’t always confine her running to the track. I happened to be with Shizune the next time she caught Emi running down the hall between classes.

“Miss Ibarasati! No runnin’!” Shizune yelled.

I flinched. She still needed more work on her volume control. When she yelled, it was an all-out bellow, probably audible to everyone on this floor. Well, everyone who wasn’t also deaf, anyway.

Emi skidded to a halt, her expression one of shock. Her feet slipped out from under her, and she slid on her backside for a meter before coming to a stop. She gaped up at Shizune, who stalked over to the prone girl and offered her a hand up. I manfully didn’t stare at Emi’s pink-and-white striped panties while her skirt was bunched up around her waist.

“Miss Ibarizahi! How many times have you been told not to run in the halls?”

After a moment’s hesitation, Emi took Shizune’s proffered hand, and let herself be pulled to her feet. “Ahhh…” She put a hand out to the wall to steady herself as she regained her balance. “Shizune?” she asked incredulously. Although I was sure she’d heard through the grapevine that Shizune was now speaking sometimes, this was apparently her first time hearing her in person.

“Well?” Shizune barked.

[Lower your volume a little,] I suggested to Shizune. She didn’t respond to me, but her next words were at a more conversational level.

“I know Mister Nahai told you of his ghondition. And he is not the only student you might fatally injure with a holission.”

Emi seemed to recover from her shock at hearing Shizune chew her out verbally, and she flushed and looked guiltily at me. I strove to look properly somber and serious, as befitted a student council member chewing out a student for a serious infraction. “I’m sorry, I know,” she said, sounding contrite. She looked down, seeming to have a problem meeting our eyes.

Shizune scowled. “What will it tate to may you stop runnin’?”

“I’m sorry, Hisao, I didn’t see you in the hall.” Emi looked truly apologetic.

“Yes, well, that’s the point,” I said and signed. “You _didn’t_ see me. I don’t think you would intentionally try to kill me, but you might have nonetheless. Or shattered half the bones in Hayashi’s body, if you hit her instead.”

Emi winced. “Right.” She bit her lip, brow furrowed as she thought for a moment. Then she bowed to Shizune. “You are right. I apologize. I will accept whatever punishment you deem appropriate.” Since her face was toward the floor, I translated for Shizune.

I don’t think she could have shocked Shizune more if she had tried. [I think she really means it, finally,] I said to Shizune.

Shizune nodded at me. She was silent for a moment, as Emi held her bow, then she said, “Very well. If you deliver apologies to Hayashi, Yoshiota, Hatayama, and Amari, we will honsider the matter resolved, as lawn as you don’t do it again.” I recognized two of the names as students with “delicate” conditions like my own, at high risk from a collision with Emi, and I assumed the other two were in similar positions.

Emi grimaced as she straightened up, but she nodded. “I will.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Hisao. I…I really don’t want to hurt you. Or anyone else.”

“I know. Just remember, we’re not all as tough as you,” I said, offering her a smile to soften the blow.

“Right.” She made another brief bow to Shizune, then turned and walked away from us at a very sedate pace.

[I would be very surprised if we catch her running in the halls again,] I said to Shizune.

She stared after Emi, looking thoughtful, and nodded.

 

* * *

I was heading back to the dorm a few days later when I heard, “Hey, Nakai!” and I turned to see Shori Takagi walking toward me, waving her hand.

[Hi, Takagi. What's up?] I asked as she drew closer.

She smiled at me and said, [Shizune said there's a surprise birthday party for Misha coming up.]

I nodded. [Yeah, at the Shanghai, next Friday after dinner.]

Takagi nodded and chewed on her lip for a moment, looking thoughtful.

[Are you going to be able to make it?] I asked.

“Yeah.” [But I was wondering if you knew what she might like for a birthday present.]

I shrugged. [What kind of gift were you thinking of?] I asked.

She rolled her eyes. [If I knew that I wouldn’t be asking you.]

[Right, sorry.]

[I just wanted to get her something a little more personal than a phone charm or candy or a pen.]

I wondered why she cared enough to do that, but perhaps they were closer than I had realized. [Well, I’m getting her a parfait cookbook, because she loves parfaits.]

Takagi grinned. [That she does.]

[Maybe some parfait glasses and long spoons to go with that? So she can make her own?] I had contemplated buying some to go with the cookbook myself, but the book was large and full-color and pricey, so I’d settled for just the book.

Takagi looked thoughtful for a moment, then she smiled and nodded. [Yes, that could work.] She gave me a brief bow. “Thanks, Nakai!”

“You’re welcome.” I returned her bow, then watched bemusedly as she turned and skipped back to the girls’ dorm, her ponytail swinging in time to her skips. Her skipping generated some fascinating harmonics in her body’s mass.

 

* * *

 

One evening Shizune and I were cuddled together on her bed, watching a DVD on her laptop. She didn’t seem to be paying much attention to the screen, and about halfway through she reached out and paused the movie.

[Bathroom break?] I asked.

She shook her head. She minimized the movie and pulled up a document window to type in.

 _I’ve been thinking,_ she typed, then paused. Since she was sitting between my legs, leaning against my chest, it was awkward for me to sign. She wasn’t turned toward my face to read my lips, so I wrapped my arms around her and put my fingers on the keyboard.

 _Thinking about what?_ I typed.

She didn’t respond for a while. I was just about to put my hands back on the keyboard when she resumed typing.

_Change. How I’ve changed. How you’ve changed._

_How have_ ** _I_** _changed?_ I asked, curious.

She snorted. _How haven’t you changed? When you first got here, you were mopey. Feeling sorry for yourself. Depressed. Now? Not so much._

I blushed a little at her assessment of me, but I couldn’t really argue the point. _That’s thanks to you._

She shook her head. _Only some. I helped, yes. Love & support (& good sex :-) can help combat depression. But YOU have also done a lot of work. Swimming. Taking your meds. Supporting me. Supporting Misha. Making other friends. These all have made you a healthier person._ She turned her head to the side and kissed me on the cheek.

I fought with my initial impulse to deflect her praise and tried to take it seriously. There was no denying I was happier and healthier than when I’d gotten here last spring. It was a little uncomfortable for me to be praised for doing what I felt I should be doing. Of _course_ I should take my meds, work out, interact with my fellow students. It felt like those things were the bare minimum, not something praiseworthy. But…at least I had done them. Was doing them. Which I hadn’t always, for a while after I first got here.

I kissed the back of her head and took control of the keyboard again. _Thank you. For all of your help._

 _And how have you changed?_ _Aside from the obvious broken bones, & restarting your speechreading & speech lessons. _I moved my hands away to let her type.

 _You helped me, too_ , she said, _I’m not sure I ever would have restarted those lessons without your urging. And I would have been wrong to not take the opportunity._ She sighed. _Quitting my lessons 4 years ago was a foolish choice. I let my father’s stubborn refusal to accept reality adversely affect MY reality._

She paused for a moment, and I took over the keyboard again. _I think making our own decisions—realizing we don’t have to always do what our parents tell us to do—is part of growing up._ I felt a little pretentious putting it that way, especially seeing it written out like that, but it still felt true.

She snorted at that, and nodded. She pushed my hands aside gently. _But it’s more than that. It took almost three years of living at Yamaku, away from daily exposure to my father, to get to this point._

I nodded. I could well imagine a forceful personality like Jigoro’s could take some time to pull away from.

_You’ve helped me. Misha has helped me. Takagi has helped me. LILLY of all people has helped me. I’m not used to being helped so much. NEEDING help so much. My father has always emphasized that I could only count on myself in this world, that I needed to know how to get by on my own, despite my deafness. Asking for help is a sign of weakness, to him. And I believed that, too._

_The first couple of weeks after my accident were the hardest. Being so much more dependent. But_

She paused, and eventually I asked _But what?_

She turned her head to the side and kissed me on the cheek again, surprising me. Two spontaneous kisses in one evening was quite demonstrative for her. _But you never saw me as weak. Nor did Misha. Even Lilly. You all just saw me as ME, someone who just happened to require some additional help for the moment. Thank you._

 _Of course_ , I responded. _I’ve never seen you as weak because you’re NOT weak. Being hurt & needing help isn’t a weakness. You are_

She shoved my hands away from the keyboard, interrupting me. _I know that, thank you. Thanks TO you. And the others. It has taken me some time to absorb that notion, and I still need to remind myself sometimes, but I want you to know I appreciate what you’ve done for me. Not just physical assistance, but psychological._

_It seems paradoxical, but I think being more dependent has made me stronger. Because I’m learning that true strength isn’t solitary. I can be strong on my own, I AM strong on my own, but I’m stronger with others. With you. Strength in community, in friends. In helping, and, yes, in allowing myself to be helped. My father, with his toxic masculinity, fears being helped. Appearing weak. And that fear makes him weaker._

I found the phrase she used noteworthy. _You called it “toxic masculinity.” Lilly called it that, too._

Shizune nodded. _I got the phrase from her. I have talked with her a little about this. She knows my father better than anyone else here at Yamaku._

I had to suppress a laugh at that. Shizune had chosen to talk to Lilly about her father for reasons parallel to the reasons I had talked with Lilly about Shizune. I wondered what Lilly made of all this.

_So. Thank you. For all you’ve done. And if I ever seem like I’m forgetting some of these lessons, I hope you’ll remind me._

_Of course I will. Once it’s safe to do so,_ I joked.

She reached down and squeezed my knee, right where I was ticklish. I convulsed, giggling, and I could see her smile from the side of her face. I hugged her tightly around the waist, then added, _You’re welcome._

She twisted carefully in my arms so she was facing me, and gave me a kiss, and expressed her gratitude in a less verbal manner.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Feurox for beta reading & feedback!


	11. Chapter 11

Monday was a red letter day for Shizune in two different ways—it was finally Election Day in the morning, and after school, she was scheduled to get her finger splints off.

Shizune, Misha, and I all missed the first class of the day as we went from classroom to classroom distributing ballots, and then around again collecting them. Shizune was keen to make sure things went off without a hitch, and they did, aside from one candidate’s name being misspelled on the Braille ballots.

We left the filled out ballots locked in a drawer in Mutou’s desk, to await Misha’s and my attentions after school. I was sure Shizune wished she could dive into tallying them immediately, but she'd grumpily explained, _The ballot counting has to be supervised by a teacher. So it can't be done until after school._ She'd have to miss the actual counting because of her doctor’s appointment, but I promised to text her the results as soon as we had them. She even made sure her infrequently used cell phone was charged and turned on.

Misha and I bade Shizune farewell as she left at the end of the day for her appointment, then we turned to Mutou’s desk. He cleared it of papers, then unlocked his drawer and pulled out the box with all the ballots for us. Setting the box on the desk, he gestured to it with an expansive wave. “It’s all yours,” he said, then sat down in his chair and buried his nose in a science journal.

I wasn’t sure exactly what supervising the ballot counting was supposed to entail, but I was pretty sure that him reading while Misha and I counted was not exactly what had been intended. Not that either of us was tempted to mis-count anything.

Misha made a big show of counting out loud as she went, “One for Aoichan, one for Mirachan, one for Aoichan, one for Aoichan…” Meanwhile, I silently re-counted all the ballots as a double-check. It took her twice as long to count, but our numbers matched. We filled out a form with the results, Mutou signed it for us, then he waved an absent minded farewell at us as he left.

Aoi Ishida and Keiko Yokota had been elected as the new president and vice president, by a large margin. When I texted her the results, Shizune replied with a terse, _Excellent._

Misha and I went to the student council room to pack away all the ballot boxes and finish the associated paperwork. Which took us all of twenty minutes, then we waited for Shizune, since she had said she’d meet us there after her appointment.

“I’m glad Aoichan and Keikochan won~,” said Misha. “I know Shicchan wanted them to win.”

“I just hope Shizune can turn over the reins of power without too much pain,” I said. “I had a nightmare the other night that she decided to skip university and stay at Yamaku next year to keep on running the student council.”

“Haha~! Don’t ever let her hear you suggest that, Hicchan! You might get stuck in high school forever!” I laughed along with her. Her laughter in recent weeks had become less frequent, less raucous, and more genuine. I liked the change.

“I’m sure she already has her sights set on her university student government, no matter where she ends up at.” I regarded Misha for a moment. “Do you know what universities you’re going to apply to?”

Misha’s smile became nervous. “American universities operate on a different schedule. I’ve…already applied to two, and have three more applications I need to finish before the new year.”

“What? You did? Why didn’t you tell us? Which ones?”

Misha looked uncomfortable. “You and Shicchan have been busy. And I didn’t want…I was worried…I didn’t want Shicchan to know, in case I didn’t get in.”

I frowned. “It doesn’t seem like signing is such a common field that you’d have a lot of competition. And you’re so good at it—why wouldn’t you get in?”

Misha plopped down in a chair with a thump. She stared at the floor. “I don’t know, Hicchan. My grades in sign are good, but some of my other classes…” she grimaced. “I may have to take a ronin year if I don’t get into university.”

I was surprised to hear she was worried about her grades. Although her loud and exuberant exterior had lead me to classify her as a bit of an air head when I first met her, over time I’d come to realize that she was actually quite bright. She just…hid it well. Sometimes from herself as well as from others. “What schools have you already applied to?”

“Well, my first two choices, the University of San Francisco and New York University. They have really~ good programs in signing _and_ Japanese.” She frowned for a moment, staring into the distance, then she shook her head and smiled at me. “And you, Hicchan? Where do you want to go?”

 _Wherever Shizune goes_ , was my first thought, but I didn’t say that. “I’m…still working on that. I’ve been talking with Mutou about the sciences, or maybe even science teaching. I’ve been surprised at how much I’ve enjoyed the science tutoring I’ve done since I got here.”

“You’re really good at it,” Misha affirmed with a smile and a nod. “You’ve helped me and Hacchan a lot~!”

I shrugged. “I’d like to be close to wherever Shizune goes, but she’ll probably be at Tokyo, or Kyoto University. I’m not sure I’m in that league. Fortunately, there are dozens of other options in either of those cities.”

For a moment Misha looked wistful, as if imagining being in a university near Shizune, then she smiled. “You’re so smart, I’m sure you could get into Tokyo if you wanted~!”

I snorted. “Thank you for the vote of confidence, but…no. I won’t even be trying for that.” Then I frowned. “If you’ve already applied to two universities, are you going to take the entrance exams with us in the spring?”

She gave a somewhat hollow laugh. “Oh, yes. Just in case I don’t get into an American university. I need to have something~ to fall back on here. Unfortunately, I won’t know if I’ve been admitted to an American school until after the tests.”

“That’s too bad. Well, I hope you don’t need the fallback. But speaking of exams…” I sighed and glanced guiltily at my book bag.

“Yeah, we should do homework,” Misha conceded, a little mournfully. We both pulled out our books and set to work.

A half-hour later, Shizune entered the room smiling and waving her unsplinted hand at us. [I can talk again!] she said, using a mixture of signs and yubimoji fingerspelling. It wasn't as fast as pure signing, but that didn't seem to matter to her. She could speak aloud or type at need, but sign was her native language. She seemed cheered to finally be able to speak normally.

[That’s wonderful, Shicchan!] Misha said, with a broad smile.

[Indeed,] I agreed. I had rarely seen Shizune look so openly, simply, _happy_. She seemed almost giddy at even this partial return of her native speaking abilities. Words that could be signed using a single hand she did so, and words that would have required two hands to sign she spelled out with yubimoji.

I was used to doing that myself, as my sign vocabulary was still growing, but reading someone else doing it—especially at Shizune’s full speed—was somewhat more difficult. I kept having to mentally shift gears between trying to read a word and spell it out, and I kept losing track. I suddenly realized that this must be somewhat similar to what Shizune went through with speechreading, where she could only understand a quarter or so of the spoken words, and had to infer the rest from context. From what I could pick up, Misha was filling Shizune in on the ballot counting process, and Shizune was checking to make sure we’d done everything “by the book.”

Eventually, they noticed I wasn’t joining in on their conversation. [What do you think, Hicchan?] Misha asked.

“Er…” [About what?]

Shizune sighed. [Should we go to dinner to celebrate the election?] She seemed to realize what my problem had been, because she slowed down her signing speed for me.

I smiled. [That sounds good.] I noticed Shizune flexing her fingers and wincing a little, and I frowned. [Should you be using your fingers so much, so soon?]

Shizune looked a little guilty. [I’m supposed to exercise them.]

I arched an eyebrow at her. [I’ll bet the doctor said you were supposed to exercise them in _moderation_.] She rolled her eyes, but didn’t disagree.

[Don’t hurt yourself, Shicchan!] Misha urged. [You don’t want the doctor to put you back in splints again!]

Shizune nodded. [I know. But…it’s just so nice to be able to talk normally again!]

I smiled at that. [If we go occupy our hands with eating, that might give your fingers a little rest,] I suggested.

Misha laughed. [Yes! Let’s go eat!]

As Misha preceded us out the door, I slipped my left hand into Shizune’s right, and lifted our joined hands to my lips so I could kiss her newly healed fingers. She blushed charmingly at that, then glanced ahead to make sure Misha wasn’t looking at us before she kissed my hand in turn. I suddenly realized that there was a single-handed sign she could now use. I released her hand, and said, [I love you.]

She smiled back at me. [Of course you do.] I laughed at that, and she added, [I love you.]

Misha stuck her head back into the room. [Come on, you guys! Dinner awaits!]

Smiling, we followed her out of the room to dinner.

 

* * *

 

 

Wednesday evening Shizune and I were camped out in my room studying. She was plugging away at English, her least favorite subject, while I struggled to memorize a list of historically significant dates. After an hour I sat up and stretched, closing my history text.

“All done?” asked Shizune.

I turned to face her. [For now. Will you quiz me on these dates in an hour or so? Make sure they stuck in my brain.]

She nodded. [What next?]

I grimaced and pulled a stack of university brochures out of my book bag. [I promised Mutou I'd look these over by the end of the week, and I don't think I'll have time tomorrow or Friday.] Tomorrow evening we were celebrating Misha’s birthday with the three of us, and Friday was the surprise party for her at the Shanghai. So if I was going to look at them, tonight was the night.

Shizune’s eyes lit up. [Where are you looking? What are you thinking of studying?]

I hesitated, then admitted, [ _Where_ is partially dependent upon you. If you don’t mind.]

She went very still for a long moment, then asked, [What do you mean?] Even though I was pretty sure she knew what I meant.

[I mean…] I paused and flexed my fingers nervously. [I mean, I would like to be near you. In whatever city you end up in. Be it Tokyo or Kyoto or whatever. I don’t think I can get into _those_ schools, but there are many other fine schools in those cities that I _could_ get admitted to.]

She hesitated a moment, then she said, with unusual diplomacy, [You’re probably right. Having missed four months of schooling makes getting into Kyoto University or the University of Tokyo unlikely, or at least very difficult.]

I snorted. [And I’m not driven enough. Not like you. You’ll get into whichever one you put your mind to.]

She blushed and shrugged. [I hope so.]

[Do you have a preference?] I asked.

She nodded. [Kyoto. I’ve already reserved a time to take their tests.] The top universities had their own, custom tests that they administered, in addition to the standardized tests that everyone took.

[Well, then. I should probably look at schools in or near Kyoto. If you don’t mind,] I repeated. I held her gaze, willing her to respond to that last sentence.

She bit her lip, looking uncertain. [You really want to follow me?] she asked.

I smiled. [Yes. Of course I do.]

[Sentimental fool,] she replied, but she was smiling as she said it.

[Yes. I’m foolishly fond of you.]

[Well then. I suppose you should look for something in Kyoto. As I have grown fond of you, too.]

I smiled, relief making my shoulders release a tension I hadn’t even been aware I was holding. [Excellent. That easily eliminates two thirds of these brochures.]

[What do you want to study?]

I had been thinking about that more since Monday, when Misha had asked me the same thing. [I think I’d like to be a science teacher. Like Mutou. Or rather…] I hesitated.

She giggled. [But perhaps a bit more awake and enthusiastic than Mutou Sensei?]

[Yes.] I cocked my head, curious. [And what of you? What are you going to study?]

She wiggled her fingers, and pulled her laptop over to us. She switched to typing when her fingers got sore, as that was less stressful on her healing fingers than signing.

_I have been thinking about that, too. Especially since Monday._

[Monday?]

_The election. It felt…odd. To set up and supervise a competition that I was not a part of._

I nodded. [Okay. What does that have to do with career choices?]

 _I’m so used to everything being a competition between myself and someone else. Or even myself and_ **_everyone_ ** _else. But Monday I found myself thinking of what you said, the first night we spent together in my room: “We win.”_

I smiled. [That we did.]

_I was reminded of the old proverb, “Wise men plant trees in whose shade they will never sit.” We were doing something for the future of Yamaku. Even if it’s just a student council, nothing as grand or significant as national elections, or providing a million yen endowment to the school, it’s still improving the school, the world. In our own small way, in our own little corner of the world._

I nodded again. The election wasn’t earth-shaking news, but hopefully Aoi and Keiko would continue to use the student council to make Yamaku a better place for those attending it.

_I know everyone thinks I’m too competitive. I disagree, but I do think perhaps my competitive nature has been misapplied. I need to direct it more constructively. I want to plant trees, to make the future a better place. I’m not sure if that means working in philanthropy, or non-profit foundations, or politics, but I’m beginning to have a better sense of where I want to go in university. Probably starting somewhere in the business world, with a business degree._

_I want to make sure We win._

She paused, then grinned at me and added: _Except for in RISK, where I shall continue to excel at world domination and kick your ass._

I laughed as I read that last line. Shizune looked pleased at my reaction. I gave her a kiss. [I think you would make a wonderful philanthropist. Or politician. I would vote for you.]

She gave me a mock frown. [You had better. Now, let's look at those brochures...]

 

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

Given that Misha’s birthday party had been my idea, I had expected to have to organize it, but Shizune had taken over that task early on.

 _You have enough to do with Student Council work_ , she’d said. _I’ll take care of this._

I was surprised that her quest for the perfect gift didn’t involve a dozen shopping trips, with myself as designated pack mule. But Shizune had made only two trips to the city, without me or Misha along, and she’d refused to say what she’d found when I asked her about it.

My only responsibility for the party was getting Misha to the Shanghai on Friday evening, the day after her birthday. We figured that having the party a day after her birthday would make it more of a surprise. And since Saturday was only a half-day of school, we could celebrate a little later and longer.

Shizune and I got together with Misha Thursday night in her room, and had a small cake and gave her presents.

“I don’t know if they’ll have the kinds of parfaits you like in America,” I told her when she unwrapped the parfait cookbook I’d gotten for her. “But this way you can always make your own if you want to.”

“Awww~! Thanks, Hicchan! That’s really thoughtful. Or should I say—really _sweet_ ~!” She gave me a peck on the cheek, which made me blush, and Shizune giggle.

Then she opened the card from both of us. I’d found it almost by accident, but it was so apt for her that I was immensely pleased with it. The outside of the card was just a quote from some American author, done in lovely brush calligraphy:

_Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see._

_—Mark Twain_

Inside, Shizune had written, _Happy birthday to the kindest girl we know._ And we’d signed it, _Love, Shizune & Hisao_

Misha stared at the card for a moment, then she threw her arms around us both and hugged us tight. “You guys~!” she exclaimed, “I love you both so much too~!”

After a prolonged hug, in which my shoulder got damp with Misha tears once again, she finally released us and reached for a handkerchief. “Sorry,” she said as she dried her eyes. “I’m just…so _happy_.”

Shizune smiled broadly at that. She pulled a small wrapped box out of her bag and handed it to Misha. “Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you, Shicchan~!” Misha smiled and tore into the paper with her usual enthusiasm. Lifting the lid of the box revealed two smaller identically gift-wrapped boxes inside. Misha gave Shizune a puzzled look as she pulled them out.

[Read the labels,] Shizune prompted her.

Each box had a small tag attached to the ribbon wrapped around it. Misha looked at one label. “To Misha,” she read dubiously.

[And the other.]

“To…Shizune~?” Misha’s confusion was written all over her expressive face.

“Thant you!” said Shizune with a smile, as she plucked the box addressed to her out of Misha’s hands.

Misha laughed. “All right, Shicchan. I guess you wanted a present too~?”

“Lesh open them tohether.”

Misha tore into the paper, and Shizune matched her pace, so that they both opened their boxes at the same time. Inside each box was a necklace chain, with what looked to be a tiny sculpted silver hand hanging from it. Misha held it up and examined it, still looking puzzled. “Thank you?”

I examined the small hand-shaped pendant, and I could relate to her confusion. The fingers were all curled slightly inward, as was the thumb. If it was supposed to be a yubimoji hand sign, it wasn’t very well formed—it could have been a sloppily signed _e_ , or _o_ , or _wo_.

Shizune smiled at our confusion, then held up her matching pendant. “May I?” she asked, reaching for Misha’s necklace.

Misha just nodded and relinquished the necklace. Shizune took the two small hands and placed them together with a little twist, then hung them from their chains for us to see. Suddenly they made sense.

The two hands interlocked together, to form the sign for _friendship_. Misha covered her mouth with her hand, and her golden eyes filled with tears. I never thought I’d see her at a loss for words. After a long silent moment, she threw her arms around Shizune and hugged her tight. “Thank you, Shicchan, I’ll wear it always,” she said into Shizune’s hair. For a change it fell to me to translate for Misha to Shizune. Shizune smiled and hugged Misha back.

[Well, it looks like you succeeded in finding the perfect gift,] I said to Shizune, as Misha clung to her. Shizune just smiled smugly and nodded.

 

* * *

 

Friday evening, as we ate dinner in the cafeteria, I said to Misha, “You know, I looked through that parfait cookbook for a while before wrapping it, and I’ve been craving a parfait ever since. Let’s go to the Shanghai after dinner and get parfaits for dessert. My treat.”

Misha grinned. “I’ll never say no to a parfait~! But you don’t have to buy for me, Hicchan.”

I smiled. “Consider it part of your birthday present.”

“Well…if you insist~!” She turned to Shizune. “Do you want to get one too?” It was still somewhat startling, but nice, to hear Misha not automatically assume that she and Shizune would be going everywhere together, joined at the hip.

Shizune pursed her lips for a moment, then said, [I don’t know—can I trust you alone out on a date with my boyfriend?]

Misha blinked at that, then burst into laughter. “Haha~! I don’t know, Shicchan! He _is_ awfully cute~!”

“I’m not _that_ cute,” I muttered under my breath. I didn’t think I’d enunciated clearly enough for Shizune to read me, but she still shot me an amused look at my slightly dour reaction.

[Thank you for the invitation, but I think I should go to the library to research my history paper.]

“Your loss!” said Misha.

“I want to go to my room and change out of my school uniform before we go. Should we meet at the front gates in a half hour?”

“Hmmm, that sounds like a good idea. A girl should dress up pretty for a date, right~?” She winked at me.

“Right!”

“See you soon!” She cleared her tray and bounced out of the cafeteria.

[I’ll see you in about forty-five minutes,] I said to Shizune, who would be going ahead to the Shanghai to set things up.

She nodded. [Yes.]

I knew she wouldn’t approve of my kissing her in the crowd of the cafeteria, so I just said, [I love you.] I used the ASL sign she’d taught me, so most of the people around us wouldn’t understand it.

[Of course you do,] she replied, her eyes twinkling.

Chuckling, I cleared our dinner dishes, and headed back to my room to change. I chose my sharpest looking sweater vest in honor of the occasion.

I had assumed Misha would just slip into a pair of comfy jeans and a sweatshirt or something similar, but she was wearing a pretty dress under her winter coat when she met me at the gates. I wondered for a moment if she suspected what was waiting for us at the Shanghai.

“Hi, Hicchan!” She spun in a circle, allowing the dress to billow out around her legs. “Ready for you ‘date’ with the birthday girl~?”

I grinned. “Yup. You look lovely.” I noticed a glint of sliver at her neck. “Wearing your new necklace, I see.”

She put a hand on the pendant and smiled brightly. “Always!”

“Well, let’s go. Our parfaits await!”

She grabbed my hand and we headed down the hill to town.

We chatted about classes and the upcoming exams, and even a little about the student council as we walked. As we approached the Shanghai, I tried to keep her attention focused on me, so she wouldn’t look in the windows and see who was there. I held the door open for her as we got there, and gave her a doorman’s bow. “Ladies first.”

She giggled. “Such a gentleman, Hicchan!”

She was looking at me as she entered, and so was taken completely off guard when a large group of people called out, “Happy Birthday Misha!” Shizune’s voice was perhaps the loudest, easily distinguishable from the crowd; she still needed more work on her volume control when raising her voice.

Misha turned toward the crowd, her jaw dropping, utterly stunned into silence. I saw her mouth move a few times and her fingers vaguely wiggle before she finally managed a quiet little, “ _Oh._ ” She just stared around at the smiling crowd of her classmates and friends, who all began singing Happy Birthday to her.

“Happy birthday, Misha,” I added as the song ended. I placed a gentle hand on the small of her back and urged her forward. “Come on in and join the party.”

Misha just stood there looking stunned, so Shizune stepped forward and pulled on her arm. “Gum in! We have parfaits!”

For a moment I was afraid Misha was going to burst into tears, but then she unfroze and burst into laughter. “Wahaha~! You sure surprised me!” She gave Shizune a quick hug, then pulled back to ask playfully, “But what about your history paper, Shicchan?”

Shizune smiled. [That was a pretense. Happy Birthday.]

Someone, I think it was Miki, placed a party hat on top of Misha’s head that said “Birthday Girl” on its front. I scanned the crowd as the others pulled Misha in, smiling at her and wishing her well. It looked like most of our class was here, except for Taro and Suzu—or, no, Suzu was asleep at a table in the corner. Even Hanako was here, hovering at the outskirts of the crowd, accompanied by Lilly.

I saw Takagi with a couple of other deaf students in the mix. She was dolled up in black lace and crinoline, with a satin bustier, and her long black hair was done up in long spiral curls, like Misha’s old drills but smaller and more numerous. Topping it all off was a mini black top hat, pinned to the side of her head. She was quite the picture.

I must have been staring at her, because Shizune poked me in the arm to get my attention. [See something you like?] she asked, smirking at me.

“Ahhh…” [Just admiring Takagi’s hat.]

Shizune pursed her lips. [Hat. Right. Not her abundant cleavage.]

I blushed, and fumbled for something to say. [Yours is the only cleavage for me.]

Shizune’s eyes rolled so hard I feared for her ocular health. [Not even going to comment on that one,] she said. Not quite truthfully, as her eye-roll spoke volumes. I sighed. That had _not_ been my smoothest comeback.

[Come on, let’s get the parfaits handed out.] She lead me towards the kitchen. I discovered I’d been wrong about Taro not being here when he came out from the back with a tray full of parfaits balanced on his good hand.

“Hey! Hisao! Take this and start handing ‘em out before they all melt,” he said, shoving the tray at me.

I grabbed the tray without thinking. “Ah, sure. Did you get a job here recently?”

He grinned. “Nah, just helping Yuuko out. I like to cook, and she’s a little overwhelmed by the size of this crowd.” Indeed, I didn’t think I’d ever seen the little restaurant so full.

“That’s awfully nice of you.”

“Yeah, yeah, now go hand those out,” he said, making a shooing motion at me.

Shizune grabbed a handful of spoons and napkins from the containers by the kitchen, then we started wandering, handing out parfaits and chatting with people as we went. It was actually kind of fun, making me feel like Hoteiosho, distributing presents to the deserving children of Yamaku. I made several trips back to the kitchen, where Taro and Yuuko restocked my tray. We had so many parfaits I even handed out some to a couple of local villagers who wandered in looking for some tea.

Through it all, I kept an eye on Misha, who seemed to be glowing as the center of attention. It warmed my heart to see her looking so happy as she talked and laughed with so many different people. A couple of times I saw her holding up her new necklace and gesturing toward Shizune, as if explaining its significance.

Unsurprisingly, Hanako was the first to leave, although I’d been surprised that she’d lasted over an hour in the crowd. Lilly went with her, and gradually a few others began to trickle out, stopping by the table where Misha sat to wish her happy birthday one last time before they went. The party slowly shrank, but kept on going for a few more hours.

Shizune and I sat with Misha at her table, picking at the remains of a couple of different flavored parfaits and talking. Shizune excused herself to visit the restroom, and I pushed the mostly empty parfait glasses away from me, groaning slightly.

“Oh…” Misha rubbed her stomach in sympathy and grinned at me. “Given how many parfaits I had tonight, Hicchan, the cookbook you gave me almost seems redundant~!”

I laughed, and switched to sign for privacy. [Well, I suppose I could have gotten you some more yuri mangas for your collection instead,] I signed to her teasingly. [But I was trying to be discreet.]

Misha’s smile disappeared and she turned pale at my comment, and I heard someone at the next table giggle.

Oh, _shit_. I’d forgotten that Takagi was still at the party. Misha looked utterly stricken at my words, at potentially having been outed. Takagi stood up and approached our table, and I glanced up at her, fearing for the worst, my stomach churning with guilt. “Misha, I’m sorry—” I began.

But Takagi slid into the seat next to me and gave Misha a sly smile. [If you need some more yuri to read, you can always borrow some of mine,] she said.

“I… _what?_ ” Misha was so flustered that she didn’t even sign her response, but Takagi was skilled enough in speechreading to pick up what she said.

[I mean, assuming your girlfriend doesn’t mind,] Takagi added.

[My girl— _girlfriend_?] Misha replied, eyes wide. I’d never seen anyone stutter in sign before.

[Madame President?] Takagi asked, eyebrows arched inquisitively.

Misha blinked rapidly and her face shifted from pale to bright red. [Shicchan isn’t my girlfriend!] she protested. She pointed at me. [She’s his!]

[Oh. How… _interesting_.] Takagi’s smile became almost predatory. [Does that mean you’re available?] She twirled one of her long curls coyly around a finger.

It almost felt voyeuristic, watching Misha’s emotions bounce up and down like a yo-yo. Her embarrassed blush slowly faded, but didn’t disappear entirely as a smile began to return to her face. [That depends. Are you asking?]

Takagi shot me a look, probably knowing that I was the only other person currently in the room who could follow this conversation. I wanted to look away, to give them privacy, but I also couldn’t help but want to know what happened next. [I think that might be the best possible birthday present you could give her, if you did,] I said encouragingly. Trying to make up for my initial slip of the tongue. Er, fingers.

“ _Hicchan~!”_ Misha squeaked.

[You mean it wouldn’t be?] I asked, striving for a wide-eyed and innocent expression.

Takagi hid her mouth behind her hand, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter. A few people around us were glancing at us curiously, but they were all used to silent conversations.

Misha’s mouth opened and closed a few times without speech, and she vaguely waved her hands in the sign-language equivalent of wordless babble. Eventually, she took a deep breath and pulled herself together. She faced Takagi squarely and said, [Yes. That would be a lovely present.]

Takagi grinned, looking quite pleased. [Well then, happy birthday, Misha. Would you like to go out on a date with me this weekend?]

Misha smiled and nodded hard enough that I worried about whiplash for a moment. I felt a rush of relief that my indiscretion had worked out okay. Shizune chose that moment to return to the table. She glanced curiously at Misha’s beaming face, and Takagi’s smug smile.

[What did I miss?]

[I’ve got a date!] Misha exclaimed, bouncing in place. Even when she wasn’t speaking out loud simultaneously, Misha managed to sign loudly. Takagi looked slightly surprised that Misha would just blurt something like that out, but she seemed reassured when Shizune smiled broadly at the two of them.

[Excellent. It’s about time you asked her,] she said to Takagi.

Misha and Takagi both gaped at her. [You knew?] Misha asked.

Shizune smirked as she sat down on my other side. [Of course.]

[The student council knows all,] I said, waggling my eyebrows at them. Misha and Takagi both laughed at that.

The four of us sat and talked for another hour or so, until Misha and Takagi left, leaving just me and Shizune and Yuuko at the restaurant. I watched them go, smiling at the sight they presented. Takagi was a full head taller than Misha, and dressed all in black, in contrast to Misha’s bright happy colors. They made an interesting study in contrasts. 

As we waited for Yuuko to tally up the final tab for our evening of parfaits, Shizune smiled at me, looking quite pleased. She pulled her little keyboard out of her shoulder bag, which surprised me. Though she _had_ been talking a lot in sign this evening, so maybe her fingers were sore. _I was beginning to be afraid Takagi would never get around to asking Misha out_ , she typed. Which explained why she was using the keyboard, since it was more private than speaking out loud. _Your little fumble was quite fortuitous._

[You knew Takagi was a lesbian?] Despite my crack about the student council knowing all, I hadn’t really been sure why Shizune hadn’t been surprised by that development.

Shizune rolled her eyes. _Please. The way she was always watching Misha? Even Lilly could have seen that._

“Oh.” Which I guess made me blinder than the blind girl. At least where affairs of the heart were concerned. I took some comfort in the fact that apparently Misha had missed it, too.

[Well, matchmaker, well done. That’s two perfect gifts you got for Misha. It’s certainly a birthday she’ll never forget.]

A warm, satisfied smile spread across her face. _Good. She deserves it._

[Indeed.]

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

It seemed like Misha’s birthday party was the last time any of us got to relax. It was the final calm before the storm, as the end of the year started rushing closer, and the specter of university entrance exams loomed ever larger.

I had hoped that having made a decision about what I wanted to study, I would feel less stressed about exams, but the reverse was the case. Now that I had committed to sticking close to Shizune, I was more determined to do well on my exams, so I could get into a university in Kyoto. Shizune, in her gloomier moments, reminded me that it wasn't _guaranteed_ that she'd get into Kyoto University––the competition _was_ fierce––but my faith in her ability to get in was absolute. Which she appreciated.

Our decision to stick together also increased her focus on _my_ study habits. Now, she not only wanted to get into KU, she wanted me to be in a school near her. Whenever _I_ got discouraged, she stared at me with a ferocious scowl and said, [If you can’t get admitted to a university near Kyoto, I will be… _very_ … _disappointed_ …in you.]

It was a very Shizune kind of encouragement.

I had thought that, Misha having acquired a girlfriend, we might not see her as often. But instead, our group of three became a group of four, as Takagi joined us. In fairly short order she asked us to call her Shori. She dove into her studies for exams whole-heartedly, and Misha perforce went with her. I got the impression that Misha was trying to hedge her bets. Both in case she failed to get into an American university, and also in case she decided she wanted to stay in the same country as Shori. I added Misha and Shori to my list of “students” I was tutoring in science, and Shori in turn helped me with Japanese literature.

One thing that surprised me about their relationship was that Misha called Shori Shori. Not Shochan, or some other nickname. When I asked Misha why, she just blushed, and looked at Shori. Shori arched an eyebrow at me and asked, “Do I _look_ like a Shochan to you?” She was a big woman, taller than me, and even when dolled up in the black lace and crinolines that were her preferred garb, she didn’t look tiny. A diminutive nickname just didn’t seem right.

* * *

I was sitting at my desk one evening, conjugating some irregular English verbs, when my brain hit its limit. I threw my pencil across the room and slammed the book shut. I don’t know if it was my motion that drew her attention, or if I’d actually slammed the book hard enough for her to feel it, but Shizune looked up at me from where she was sitting on my bed and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” If she was involved in a task that used her hand—such as writing, which she had been doing—she spoke out loud more and more often lately, as her confidence in her voice slowly grew.

I turned my face away from her and waved a dismissive hand in the air. [Nothing.]

“Would you lut at me, please?”

I didn’t want Shizune to see the frustration in my face. I took a deep breath, and tried to smooth my face. I turned to face her. [I’m just…having problems with English.]

Shizune looked thoughtful for a moment, then put down her pen. [If you are having troubles with English, you should ask Lilly for help. She’s fully bilingual, and plans to be an English teacher.]

I sighed. [I hate to bother her. She’s undoubtedly cramming for exams too.]

Shizune arched an eyebrow at me. [What did I just say? She wants to be a _teacher_. So helping you would be like getting some practice.]

Huh. I hadn’t thought of it like that. [Kinda like my tutoring Misha and Hanako and Shori in science.]

[Yes.] She got a distant look on her face, a contemplative expression that filled me with some unease. [You excel in science. Lilly at English. Kapur is good at math. Hayashi in literature. Kiyuba is a history buff.]

I frowned. I didn’t know Hayashi or Kiyuba well enough to confirm that, but I’d believe her. [Okay. What of it?]

She stared off into the distance for a while longer, then nodded firmly, as if coming to a decision. “We win,” she said with a smile.

[Pardon me?]

[We win,] she repeated.

[I understood you just fine when you spoke aloud, I just don’t know what you _meant_.]

Her smile broadened. [I mean, we’re going to make sure as many students as possible pass their university entrance exams. Come on.] With that, she stood up from my bed, and stalked out of my room, like a general striding onto a battlefield.

“We are?” I asked her retreating back. Pointlessly. Then I sighed, shook my head, and followed her out the door.

* * *

Despite that grandiose sounding objective, her plan actually wasn’t all that outrageous. We—that is to say, the student council—created formal study groups. Plenty of students already worked together in little ad hoc study groups, usually comprised of their circle of friends. Shizune’s plan was to formalize study groups and focus each of them on a specific topic area, with each group lead by a student who excelled in that area. We found multiple leaders for each subject group, so no one person was responsible for everything, which was fortunate. We didn’t want to cause the group leaders difficulty in other areas by taking up too much of our time.

Which is how I found myself one evening after dinner attempting to explain wave-particle duality and the double slit experiment to a group of visually impaired students. Given that the experiment results were fundamentally visual in nature, this tested my nascent teaching abilities to their limit. Many metaphors were created and died in the process, and I made extensive use of a sand table for “drawing” diagrams that they could feel.

Afterwards, I went to Shizune’s room and collapsed on her bed. [That was not easy,] I said.

“I gan’t understand you when you sign while lying on your bat,” Shizune said. Were she better at emotional inflection, I’m sure she would have sounded annoyed, instead of her usual monotone.

I sighed and sat up. [Sorry. I said, that wasn’t easy.]

[Then you will have learned as much as they did,] she said complacently.

I rolled my eyes. [I’ve learned things that will only be useful if I come back to Yamaku to teach.]

She cocked her head to the side and looked thoughtful. [Would you want to do that?]

I blinked, surprised by the question. [Why? Mutou is already the science teacher here.]

Shizune waved a hand. [He won’t be here forever. He might want to move on to another school, or retire.]

I snorted. [He’s not _that_ old. I don’t want to have to wait twenty years to get a job.]

[So, perhaps not at Yamaku. But you do have a secondary skill set that is marketable—you speak sign. There are other schools for the deaf where you could teach, if you wished.]

The thought was intriguing. I had not thought of my signing as being a marketable skill. I was still only a beginner. I spelled out with yubimoji almost as many words as I signed, sometimes. But if Shizune continued to be a part of my life as I hoped, I should become fairly fluent and proficient in a few years. By the time I graduated from university, certainly.

[Not only would you be teaching science,] Shizune continued, [You could be helping disabled students as well. I know Yamaku sometimes has problems finding good teachers who are willing or able to deal with the secondary, non-academic issues, that teaching at a school for the disabled entail.]

I was surprised to hear that. Certainly our teachers were, by and large, very good. I would be proud to be among their numbers. [It could be…nice,] I said hesitantly, thinking as I spoke, [To come back to Yamaku. To help other students, the way I’ve been helped.]

Shizune smiled and nodded. [It’s a worthy notion. Worth thinking about, anyway.]

I nodded back. [But first I have to figure out where I’m going to school.]

[You should talk with Lilly about what schools are good for becoming a teacher. She’s wanted to do that for a long time, so I suspect she has done a lot more research on the subject than you have.]

[As long as I can find one in Kyoto.]

Shizune shook her head. [Ideally. I want you near me, yes. And I appreciate that you want to be near me. But university is important. If the best possible school for you is in Sapporo, that is where you should go.]

I shuddered at the thought of being that far north. [I sincerely hope I don’t have to go _that_ far.]

Shizune smiled. [Me too.]

[But meanwhile…] I pulled my book bag up onto the bed. [I still have history reading to do tonight.]

Shizune nodded. [Me too. And English.] So we dove into our work.

Shortly before curfew, I asked Shizune, [Do you have much more work to do?]

She grimaced and looked regretful. [Unfortunately, yes.]

I nodded, [Yeah, me too.] My tutoring session had cut into my study time. I began packing up my books. Given how uncomfortable sleeping on the floor was, there was no point in staying the night unless there were other, more amorous, reasons to do so. Alas, it had been a week or two since we’d had the time for such. As I rose to go, she also stood up, and wrapped her good arm around me, her cast an ever-present lump between us. I wondered if, when she got it off, it would feel unnatural to me to be hugged by two arms.

She lifted her face and gave me a slow, sweet kiss, that let me know she genuinely regretted having more homework to do. “We need to find an evenin’ for us,” she said. “And I don’t mean for study.”

I smiled and nodded in agreement, and kissed her again. I regretfully let her go, and slung my bag on my shoulder. [Good night. I love you,] I said.

She smiled. [Love you too.]

* * *

The following morning, as I headed toward the pool, I bumped into Emi. She was standing, apparently waiting for me, at the intersection where the paths from the boys’ and girls’ dorms met. She looked a little under the weather, with bags under her eyes. “Late night cramming?” I asked.

She grunted. “No.” We started walking down the path. She glanced sideways up at me, and said, “Misha and Shori…” She paused, and shook her head.

“What about them?” I asked. Hoping I sounded casual.

“How long have they been dating?” she asked.

“Dating? I don’t know—”

“Trust me, Hisao, it’s not a secret. At least, not on our floor.”

Well, given Misha’s general levels of discretion, that didn’t seem too surprising. “Since Misha’s birthday.”

“Huh. Well, last night they finally took their relationship to the next level.”

“Oh.” I blushed as I contemplated that. It had been a little over a month, which, honestly, was longer than I’d thought Misha would wait. “And, uh…”

“One of the couple is deaf, and the other…”

“Is Misha,” I finished, suddenly understanding her exhausted mien.

Emi sighed. “Yeah. I’m happy for them and all that, but if this is going to become a regular occurrence, I’m going to need to buy earplugs. I don’t suppose you can ask them to keep it down a little?”

“ _Me?_ Why me?” Suddenly I understood why Emi had lain in wait for me this morning.

“Yeah, you. You and Shizune are her closest friends, aside from Shori. And I’m not going to talk to either of _them_ about it..”

I snorted. “Do _I_ look like a natural advisor for Misha’s love life?”

“No, but I bet you could talk to her and not make her feel bad about it. I mean, really, I’m happy for them, but I need my sleep. I’ve got a meet next weekend.”

We’d come to where our paths diverged. We stopped, and I rubbed my face tiredly. “Suddenly, explaining wave particle duality to blind students doesn’t seem so difficult,” I sighed.

“What?” Emi looked baffled.

“Never mind. I’ll try.”

Emi smiled. “Thanks, Hisao. I know I’m not the only person on our floor who’d appreciate it. Shizune was probably the only person who got a good night’s sleep last night.”

“That loud?”

“That long. _Damn_ , but that girl’s got some stamina.” She shook her head, almost looking admiring as she headed towards the track. “She should’ve been a long-distance runner.”


	14. Chapter 14

Christmas was traditionally a romantic holiday, and this was the first time I’d actually have someone to be romantic with. I hesitantly broached the subject with Shizune, and was somewhat surprised to find that she was actually enthusiastic about the notion.

She poked my arm in response to my surprise. [I’m not _solely_ pragmatic,] she said. [I appreciate a bit of romance in my life now and then, too.]

I suddenly wondered guiltily if I’d been romantic enough with her. I mean, I never bought her flowers or sent her sentimental cards. But I’d never gotten the impression she wanted such either. Had I misjudged her?

My worry and guilt must have shown on my face, because she rolled her eyes. [ _Now and then_ ,] she reiterated. [If you’d been lacking in that respect, I would have told you.]

Well, that was true enough. I smiled at her. [So, what should we do?]

[Anything that gets me out of my father’s house for a few days would be a blessing,] she said with a grimace. [Winter break is far too long for my tastes.]

[It’s less than two weeks.]

[Even so. Maybe I can stay at school for the first week, tell him I need to catch up on student council business.]

I was startled. [I didn’t think we were that far behind.]

She gave me a long-suffering look. [I didn’t say we were. I said I would tell _him_ that we were.]

“Ohhh.” I considered that for a moment. [Maybe I could stay here with you here. From what Hanako tells me, supervision over break is pretty much non-existent. We’d have most of the school to ourselves.]

Shizune arched an eyebrow at me. [Staying at school is your idea of a romantic Christmas holiday?]

[I was just building on _your_ suggestion!] I spluttered indignantly. [And besides, Christmas isn’t until Tuesday after break starts. Maybe we could rent a hotel room in the city for a night or two. Someplace with a bed big enough for the two of us.]

Shizune smiled approvingly. [That’s more like it, Romeo.]

[ _Thank_ you.]

But what with study groups and school work and student council work, I forgot to look for a hotel room until just a couple of days before winter break began. Which was when I discovered that I wasn’t the only “Romeo” who thought a romantic stay in a nice hotel or ryokan was the perfect way to celebrate Christmas. I called almost two dozen places, to find they were all booked up, and I was beginning to panic a little.

I decided to hit the library to see if we had any local travel guides. When I explained to Yuuko what I was looking for, she smiled wistfully. “That sounds lovely, Hisao. You’re a good boyfriend.”

I groaned. “No, a _good_ boyfriend would have booked this months ago. I’m afraid I won’t find anything at all, at this late date.”

She bit her lip, then said, “If you wouldn’t mind a suggestion…I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your personal life…”

Hope surged through me. “Please, intrude away. I’m getting desperate here.”

“Well…my aunt run a minshuku. They’re rarely full, she says. There might still be a room available.”

I considered it for a moment. A little bed and breakfast place might not be as fancy as a hotel or ryokan, but at this point I was getting desperate. I could probably sell it to Shizune as “quaint” and “homey.”

“It’s a lovely place; Aunt and Uncle are very diligent hosts,” she added persuasively.

“It sounds perfect.” I said. “Can you call her right now?”

“Uh. Shouldn’t _you_ call them? Since you’ll be making the reservation? I mean, I’m happy to help, but, uh…”

She was probably right. “Sure. Can I have their phone number?”

She grabbed a scrap of paper from under the check-out counter and scrawled a number on it.

“Should I tell then you sent me?” I asked with a smile. Hoping a little bit for a “friend of the family” discount, not that I’d ever be so crass as to say so.

Yuuko’s eyes went wide. “Ah, no! No, I think…I mean…perhaps it would be better to not mention…you should just…I mean…”

I didn’t understand her sudden discomfort, but I held a hand up. “All right, I won’t mention you.” I wondered if she got along with her family. Surely someone as socially awkward as Yuuko didn’t just come out of nowhere. I wondered, for the first time, what her family must be like.

“Will you be visiting your parents for Christmas?” I asked.

Yuuko shook her head. “No, I managed to get some extra shifts at the Shanghai over the holidays. I need the money.”

I nodded sympathetically, having heard Yuuko’s laments about the sad state of her finances several times.

“Well, thank you for the tip. I’m going to go call right now,” I said, as I turned to leave the library.

“You’re welcome. I hope you have a lovely Christmas.”

“You too!” I replied without thinking, then I grimaced as the library door closed behind me. Yeah, a lovely Christmas waiting on folks at the Shanghai.

As luck would have it, there was a room was available. I felt my shoulders drop a little in relief when Yuuko’s Aunt, also Mrs. Shirakawa, told me that. As I was about to hang up, it occurred to me to add, “By the way, I should probably mention, my girlfriend is deaf. Just so you don’t think she’s ignoring you when you speak to her.”

“Oh. And…how should I talk with her?” She sounded a little taken aback and wary.

“She can speechread fairly well, and I can translate when we’re together. Which should be most of the time.”

“Very well.” She recovered her professional demeanor. “We look forward to seeing you.”

Armed with the minshuku’s address, I did some research on what was in the area that we might do for fun during the day. It was about a half-hour train ride away from Yamaku, so it was in an area I’d never been to. There was a glassworks that looked intriguing, as well as a kaleidoscope museum not too far away. And I was delighted to discover that there were a couple of onsens within walking distance of the minshuku.

Then I hesitated—hadn't some doctor back at the hospital said something about onsens and my condition at some point? But I was getting stronger, my morning swims had shown that. I resolved to ask Nurse about it later, and called the onsen that listed couples’ onsens as a feature. It would be lovely to be able to share the soothing bath with Shizune, instead of having to use the more common sex-segregated public baths.

My luck with making reservations seemed to have finally turned around, because I was able to get us a couple of hours on Christmas Eve. The price made me wince a little, but I was pleased and relieved to have solidified my plans. I’d have to remember to thank Yuuko the next time I saw her.

[So, that’s three nights at Yamaku, then two nights at the minshuku,] I summarized for Shizune later that evening. I didn’t mention the onsen, wanting that to be a surprise. [From there…if you want to continue to avoid your father…] I hesitated. [Do you want to come visit my parents with me?] I asked.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled. [That could be nice. I am assuming your family is more… _restful_ …than mine?]

I laughed. “Oh, yes.”

[Would your parents mind?]

[I’ll ask, of course, but I’m sure they’ll want to meet my girlfriend.] I smiled. [And, I admit, I want to show you off.]

She poked me in the arm. [I am _not_ some trophy for you to display!]

I smiled at her. [No. But that doesn’t mean I’m not smugly pleased to have won your heart. Just as you won mine.]

She didn’t seem to know what to say to that, so after staring at me for a silent moment, she kissed me. Which, come to think of it, was a perfect response.

 

* * *

 

Friday finally rolled around, and the student population evaporated. It was somewhat startling how quickly the school emptied, leaving just us and a second year boy, Sachio, whose parents were in the Netherlands until Tuesday. Even Hanako was gone, traveling with Naomi. We were on our own for meals, and Nurse let us know that someone would always be available at his office in case of emergencies, though not him. 

Shizune abused her presidential keychain by getting us into the dorm storage room, and we (well, I) lugged a second mattress into her room and placed it on the floor next to her mattress, making a bed large enough for us to share. As I contemplated all the nights I’d spent sleeping on the floor with just a blanket for padding, I asked her, [Why haven’t we done this before?]

[Don’t be silly. When could we have dragged another mattress through the halls without generating comment and gossip?]

[At three a.m., when I couldn’t sleep due to the hard floor?] I suggested drily.

She looked abashed for a moment, then she scowled at me and thrust her shoulders back and planted her feet wide. “It’s good for you! Builds moral garacter! You younsters these days are too soft!” Her voice was almost as loud as Jigoro’s, though higher pitched.

I shuddered at how accurately she could channel her father. [If I have to sleep with Jigoro tonight, I’m going back to the boys’ dorm.]

She laughed silently, and returned to her normal posture. [Gods forfend.]

We prepared for bed and collapsed into sleep, too tired for anything more amorous than a few kisses after all of our end of term work.

It was nice waking up next to her. Asleep, her face relaxed, she was even more beautiful. I lay there admiring her and marveling at my good fortune for a while before getting up and slipping downstairs to make us breakfast.

My culinary skills wouldn’t win me any awards, but I was capable of making coffee, rice, and scrambled eggs. I brought the food back to her room and found her sitting up in bed stretching, her good arm raised above her head. The stretch did marvelous things to her breasts under her pale lilac pajamas, and I paused in the doorway to admire the view.

She opened her eyes and saw me, standing there staring at her with a happy smile on my face. She blushed, and donned her glasses. [Breakfast in bed?]

I closed the door behind me and set the tray down on the bed between us. [Nothing but the best for my lady,] I said, giving her a little bow as I sat down opposite her.

She smiled, and stroked my cheek with her good hand. I blushed at the implied compliment.

Since there was no one present to life guard, the pool was locked for the winter break, so I had a respite from swimming for a while. I was utterly unsurprised that Shizune and I did, in fact, end up spending most of Saturday doing student council paperwork. But it was only one day’s worth of work, not a full week, and we were done with it all before dinner time.

[The Shanghai for dinner, or more cups of instant ramen?] I asked her as we left the student council room. I’d meant to buy some groceries in order to be able to make us meals in the dorm, but the last week had been too busy for either of us to go shopping.

[Shanghai. Definitely. And we can stop at the Aura Mart on the way back to buy some groceries,] she said.

We stopped talking as we came to the stairs, and she went down with her good hand on the rail. I took her hand in mine as we left the building, content to walk in silence, enjoying the opportunity for a “public display of affection” on the school grounds with no one around to comment or object.

As we passed the boys’ dorm, Shizune asked me, “What about Sachio? Should we invite him to dinner?” Ever the conscientious president, looking out for the students.

Sachio was the second year who was waiting on his parents’ return to Japan. I stopped walking so I could sign to her. [I talked with him on Thursday. He’s got a freezer full of microwave meals, and plans to enjoy unfettered access to all of Yamaku’s internet bandwidth playing WoW for the next three days. His parents may have to pry him out with a crowbar.] When last I’d seen him on Friday morning, he’d been busy setting up his system in the common room, to take advantage of the large screen TV in there. [I just hope he remembers to sleep and bathe occasionally.]

Shizune sighed and shook her head. [Boys.]

We continued on our way, holding hands as we walked down the hill to our dinner.

 

* * *

 

Monday morning, we left Yamaku early to catch a train to Taihaku, where the minshuku was. Shizune fell asleep on my shoulder almost before the train left the station, and I settled in to read for the short ride.

When we arrived at the minshuku, I was a little surprised by its appearance. The neighborhood looked like it was in the middle of gentrifying, with older, slightly shabby houses mixed with some newer construction. The minshuku stood out for being one of the old buildings, but it was also immaculate. It was practically a museum piece, brightly painted, with a formal garden worthy of a shrine. It had tall fences on both sides of it, as if to keep away the riff-raff.

Shizune shot me an inquisitive look, and I double-checked the house number I’d written down. Definitely the right place. Taking a deep breath, and feeling slightly under-dressed for the location, I opened the front gate and we approached the house. I hesitated when we got to the front door—I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to ring the doorbell, like at a house, or just walk in, like at a hotel. My question remained unanswered when the door opened without my doing anything.

An older woman, presumably Yuuko’s aunt, greeted us. She was dressed in an unusually formal blouse and long skirt. “Welcome! Are you Mister and Missus Nakai?”

I had automatically translated for Shizune. She arched an eyebrow at me with a small smile, apparently wondering how I was going to answer that question.

“Ah…I’m Nakai, yes. And this is Ms. Hakamichi.” I was facing the proprietor, but out of the corner of my eye I was relieved to see that Shizune looked pleased with my response.

“Of course, of course, welcome. I am Azumi Shirakawa, proprietor of this humble minshuku. I am so pleased you’ve chosen to honor us with your custom.” We exchanged bows, her bow seeming excessively deep and formal for someone so much my senior, even if she was a proprietor. “Please, enter and be welcome.”

She stepped aside, holding the door for us, and we entered the minshuku. Having never stayed at a minshuku, I had been uncertain what to expect. My initial expectation of a “normal” but tidy living room was quickly supplanted by the showcase in front of us. I stopped just inside the door and gaped at the living room, which could have been pulled directly from an interior design magazine. Two beautiful prints hung on the wall flanking the hallway entrance opposite us. The shōji room dividers looked spotless, with no scuff marks or patches in the paper. There was a beautiful low table in the center of the room, surrounded by immaculate white cushions. There were two small tables on either side of the room. One held a simple but perfectly designed flower arrangement, the other a lovely glass vase.

The meticulous garden outside was almost messy by comparison. The room looked like it had never seen the touch of a human hand. I glanced at Shizune, somewhat relieved to see that she was similarly taken aback by the spectacle in front of us.

Mrs. Shirakawa looked smugly pleased at our stunned reactions. “It is but a humble abode, but we do enjoy sharing it with our guests,” she said. Shizune blinked rapidly at that when I translated it for her.

I said to Mrs. Shirakawa, “It is beautiful.”

She smiled and bobbed her head. “Thank you. We have slippers here for you,” she said, gesturing to the shoe holder by the door. Sitting atop the holder was a box with an assortment of different sized white slippers, each pair wrapped in plastic. I had assumed we’d just go stocking-footed indoors, but apparently not.

“Thank you,” I said, as I selected slippers for myself and Shizune did likewise. We sat on beautiful stools in the entry way to slip out of our shoes, and we tucked them into the shoe holder.

As we rose, an older gentleman entered the living room, and crossed over to greet us. It was Mr. Shirakawa, and he, too, bowed inordinately low as we exchanged greetings. He picked up our bags and walked down the hallway, and Mrs. Shirakawa said, “My husband will show you to your room.”

I thanked her, and we followed along. I was almost tip-toeing, not wanting to scuff the spotless floor.

The room Mr. Shirakawa took us to was almost as intimidatingly beautiful, stark and simple and perfectly appointed. He pulled out a lacquered wooden suitcase stand and set our somewhat grubby bag on it. “The bathroom is the last room at the end of the hall to your left,” he said, his voice soft. “If you wish to dine with us this evening, please let my wife know within the hour so she may plan accordingly. Dinner will be at nineteen, breakfast tomorrow morning is between seven and ten.” With that, he bowed again and let himself out.

Shizune and I stood there for a moment, looking around, and I said, [I’m almost afraid to touch anything.]

She smiled and nodded. She strolled over to the window at the back of the room and slid open the shade. She gestured for me to join her, and we stood and admired the view for a few minutes. The backyard garden was a work of art even more well attended than the front yard. As we looked, Mr. Shirakawa entered the back yard with a basket and trowel in his hand, and he knelt beside a flowerbed to work.

[I have been in four-star ryokans that were less well appointed than this “humble” little bed and breakfast,] Shizune said, a wry smile on her face.

I nodded. I’d never been to a four-star ryokan, but I’d certainly never stayed at a place as nice as this. [Shall we dine here tonight? I hadn’t made any reservations for dinner,] I said.

She nodded. [I will be intrigued to see if the cuisine is as fine as the accommodations.]

We did a little bit of unpacking, then left to visit the kaleidoscope museum. On our way out, we told Mrs. Shirakawa that we’d love to dine with them this evening, an announcement which seemed to please her greatly.

The kaleidoscope museum was fun, and surprisingly educational. We wandered the town for a while after that, enjoying seeing new sights. We returned to the minshuku in time for dinner. It was a surprisingly normal home-cooked meal, with rice and soup and a whole cooked fish. Tasty and well prepared, but not as artisanal as the rest of the house. It was almost reassuring to know that the Shirakawas weren’t professionally adept at _everything_ they touched. But we praised the food and thanked them mightily, and it wasn’t a stretch to do so.

After dinner, we returned to our room. [What would you like to do this evening?] Shizune asked with a small smile.

I smiled back. [Actually, I’ve already made plans for us.]

[Oh?] She looked skeptical.

I nodded. [We have a reservation at a small onsen down the street at nine o’clock.]

Her skeptical look faded, and she smiled approvingly. [That sounds lovely. Although it will be a shame to spend part of our romantic holiday apart.]

I smiled, feeling smug. [But we won’t have to. This onsen has a few couples’ rooms, smaller baths that can be reserved for just two people.]

She looked pleased. [It will be nice to have my back scrubbed.]

I leered cheerfully at her. [Is that all?]

She frowned at me. [We are _not_ going to defile an onsen! How crass!]

I laughed. [I know, I know. But that doesn’t mean we can’t cuddle.]

She nodded. [True.]

We asked Mrs. Shirakawa if we could borrow towels to take to the onsen, but when we told her where we were going, she assured us that that particular onsen provided towels. She offered to drive us there, but since it was only a few blocks away, we opted to walk. Though I must admit I had some small curiosity as to whether or not her car was as neat and tidy as the house.

The onsen was beautiful and cozy, but also warm and personable in a way that the minshuku wasn’t. We were shown to a room with a large tub set into the floor, taking up a third of the room. Steaming water was flowing into the tub via a trough in the wall. The air was filled with steam rising off the water, redolent with the smell of minerals. Not at all sulphurous, I was relieved to find.

I helped Shizune undress, then placed a plastic bag over her cast and wrapped a rubber band around her bicep to help keep the water out. Naked, she was gorgeous as always, but with the bag on her arm the sight she presented was a little amusing. We turned to the low stools and buckets set beside the tub for washing.

[Shall I scrub your back?] I offered with a smile.

She returned the smile. [I’ll scrub yours if you scrub mine.]

I washed a bit more than just her back, but she shoved my hands away from her breasts when they lingered there. She turned around. [No sex in the onsen!] she scolded, her cheeks flushing.

I sighed, disappointed but not surprised. I strove to look innocent as I said, [I just wanted to make sure you were clean.]

[Right, because my nipples are always so filthy,] she replied with an arch look.

[It never hurts to be thorough.]

She laughed her silent laugh, then she motioned for me to turn around. She scrubbed my back with almost ruthless efficiency. Alas, _she_ was able to control her roaming hands.

“Sorry, dude,” I muttered down at my semi-erect cock. “Maybe later.”

The water was hot enough to sting when I put my feet in, and we sat on the edge of the bath for a few moments, with just our legs in, getting used to the heat. Shizune leaned against me, and we snuggled, relaxing in the heat.

She slipped into the bath first, hissing slightly as she submerged herself, carefully keeping her plastic-wrapped arm above water. I entered the water more cautiously, but the sting of the heat quickly faded, turning relaxing. I smiled at Shizune, and she slid over next to me. She rested her left arm on the edge of the tub and slipped her right shoulder under mine, leaning up against me.I sighed happily at feeling her close, her smooth skin feeling even more slick and smooth in the mineral water. I turned my head sideways and kissed the top of her head. She turned and smiled up at me, her beautiful eyes not hidden behind her glasses for a change. Perhaps not surprisingly, given that almost the only time I saw her without her glasses was while we were making love, I associated her naked eyes with intimate activities. I felt my pulse quicken as I bent to give her another gentle kiss, and—

No, my pulse wasn’t quickening. It was…stuttering. I gasped, and Shizune smiled, perhaps assuming that my reaction was one of passion. Her smile faded as I gaped at her, wide eyed. I squeezed her tight with my left arm as my right hand grabbed for my chest. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to take a deep breath, trying to calm my heart, calm myself. Shizune slithered out of my grasp, slick with the mineral water, and I heard splashing as she got out of the tub. I tried to keep myself from sliding further into the water— _It’s rude to submerge your head in the onsen_ , I suddenly remembered my father telling me when I was a little boy, during my first visit to a public onsen.

Before I could slip under water, Shizune’s right hand was under my armpit, yanking upwards. I feebly shoved my feet under me, trying to help her, and between the two of us I managed to slide my ass up to the edge of the tub, and flopped onto my back on the floor beside the tub.

Shizune stared at me for a long moment as I lay there gasping, then she started to rise. I had a sudden, terrifying mental image of her running naked through this respectable little onsen, screaming for help, and I grabbed at her wrist. I shook my head at her. “No,” I gasped. “I’m okay, I’m fine, I’m good,” I said, repeating myself in different ways to make sure she could read my words. I shakily waved my other hand in the sign for [okay,] but I wasn’t sure if I was understandable.

“You are _not_ okay,” she snapped, tension adding some emotional color to her tone of voice for a change.

“But…I will be,” I panted. “It’s just a flutter. I’m better already.” I was surprised and relieved to realize that I was telling the truth. My heart was settling down into a steadier rhythm even as we spoke. Hooray for working out.

I cautiously tried to sit up. Shizune looked for a moment like she was going to push me back down onto my back, then she changed her mind and helped me. I pulled my legs out of the tub, and rubbed at my chest scar as I leaned against her. I took several deep breaths, focused on slow and steady breathing. After a minute of that, I looked up at Shizune and tried to give her a reassuring smile. “See? All better.”

She gave me an exasperated look. “Was that ‘all better’?” she asked. “I don’t thint so.” She moved in front of me so we could sign more easily.

I shrugged, conceding the point. [Better than I was,] I said. [I’m sorry I scared you.]

[What happened? Was the heat too much for you?]

I was already red from the heat of the bath, so hopefully my embarrassed blush wasn’t visible. [Maybe. I meant to ask Nurse if it was okay for me to visit an onsen, but I forgot.]

[You. Forgot.] Her eyes sparked dangerously as she glared at me.

I almost told her how beautiful she looked, wet and naked and her chest heaving with emotion, but then my sense of self-preservation kicked in and I just nodded meekly at her. [Sorry.]

Shizune covered her eyes with her hand. Her shoulders started to shake, soft choked noises coming from her, and I was startled to realize she was crying. Hesitantly, I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder, but she knocked it aside and glared at me, tears leaking down her face.

[I. Am. _Furious_ with you right now. You do _not_ get to die on me just because you _forgot_ to ask a basic medical question!]

I was embarrassed by my absent-mindedness, and sorry for scaring her, but I was also annoyed by her reaction. [It’s not that big a deal. I’m fine,] I protested.

She just stared at me, looking incredulous.

[Really, I’m fine,] I reiterated.

She stood up and turned away from me. She grabbed a towel off a stack and began drying off, her motions jerky and angry. She yanked the plastic bag off her cast and tossed it in the trash. She grabbed her clothes and started to put them on.

I rose to my feet, swaying only slightly as I did so. I stepped over to her and touched her arm, to get her attention. She spun towards me, still scowling. [What?]

[Will you face me so we can talk?]

She glared at me for a moment, then shook her head. [No. I’m too angry to talk right now.] And she turned away from me and resumed dressing. She yanked on her shirt, shoving her bra into her purse instead of asking me to help her fasten it.

Sighing, I also picked up a towel and dried off, getting dressed in the angry silence. I glumly reflected that I should have only booked a single hour at the onsen, not two.

Shizune exited the onsen and waited for me at the curb while I returned the room key and checked out. At least she didn’t stalk off without me.

[Thank you for waiting for me,] I said as I joined her.

She shook her head. [I need to stick with you to make sure you don’t drop dead on the walk back to the minshuku.]

I scowled back at her. [It’s not _that_ bad.]

She held up a hand, shaking her head. [I don’t want to have this conversation here.]

[Why not?]

Her jaw rippled as she ground her teeth. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Exhaling slowly, she opened her eyes and said, [I have too much to say. Let’s wait until we’re indoors again.]

Well, at least our argument would be silent, and not disturb the Shirakawas and their other guests. Reluctantly, I nodded to her, and started to walk towards the minshuku. I walked on her right side, unsure as to whether or not I should try to hold hands with her like we usually did.

Shizune solved that question for me when she grabbed my hand, and squeezed it tight. I glanced sideways at her, startled, and she lifted our hands and planted a brief firm kiss on the back of my hand, never looking at me. Well, I guess that was reassuring, to a certain extent. She may be pissed, but she still loved me. I hoped.

Back at the minshuku, I was relieved we managed to get to our room without bumping into anyone else. Shizune sat down cross-legged on the futon, and looked up at me.

[I’m thirsty. Do you want some water?] I asked. The heat of the onsen, brief though it had been, had dehydrated me. Also, I might have been stalling, a little.

She hesitated, then nodded. I went to the bathroom down the hall and got two cups of water. I drank one, and refilled it before going back to our room.

Shizune nodded thanks to me as she took the cup from me, and she also drained it. I offered her the second cup, but she set her empty cup to the side and shook her head. While I was gone she’d pulled out her laptop. I guess she had a lot to say. Since I was out of delaying tactics, I sat down beside her so I could see the screen.

[So…] I began, feeling awkward. I’d never had an argument with a girlfriend before.

Her mouth twitched in a little humorless smile. [So,] she agreed.

[I…get that you’re angry. But…] I wasn’t so stupid as to say she I thought she was being irrational, but that _was_ what it felt like. Instead, I just shrugged helplessly.

She took a deep breath, and typed, _You really don’t understand why I’m so upset?_

I shook my head.

She nodded slowly, then said, _I sometimes forget that you’ve lived with your condition for less than a year. You lack certain ingrained habits that will hopefully come with time._

[Like not forgetting to ask Nurse about onsens?]

_Like that, yes. But even more than that, you don’t think about how you affect others—_ **_me_ ** _—when you forget such basic precautions._

I flushed. [I said I was sorry.]

She shook her head. _I don’t want you sorry, I want you_ ** _alive_** _._ I was startled to see tears in her eyes, but this time they didn’t look like angry tears. She stared at the laptop, not meeting my eyes. _I love you, you ass, and I don’t want to lose you over a simple oversight like this. Tonight, I had a horrifying vision of you dying in front of me, and there was nothing I could do to help._ ** _Nothing_** _._ Guilt stabbed my gut at that thought. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then she wiped her tears away. Opening her eyes, she scowled at me for a moment, but it looked less ferocious than it had before. An odd mixture of angry and sad.

_I just thought of something. Have you done any research or reading about your heart condition?_

What? What did that have to do with anything? I shook my head.

Shizune closed her eyes, her scowl replaced by a look of resigned frustration. Opening her eyes, she shook her head. _Of course not._ ** _I_** _have. When I learned what your condition was called, I looked it up. I wanted to know what I was getting into. Just how likely you were to drop dead on me._

Morbid curiosity compelled me to ask, [What did you find out?]

_That you’re incredibly lucky. Your case must be fairly mild, or you would have died your first day at Yamaku, when Emi ran into you._

I winced at the memory of that encounter. [Well…that’s a good thing, right?]

She rolled her eyes. _Yes. But “mild” isn’t the same thing as “completely healthy.” Despite the fact that you’re taking care of yourself—taking your meds, working out—you’re still in denial about your condition. You haven’t done any research on your condition, you just accepted whatever information your doctors and Nurse gave you and left it at that. You didn’t explore your other options for better health until Misha and I pushed you into it. You didn’t ask Nurse about, or read about, your limitations. Like the onsen. Or other things._ She paused to glare at me.

_You can’t continue to live in denial of your condition. You need to address it more directly. If you had, tonight would have never happened._

I blushed, feeling a combination of embarrassed and angry. My emotions must have shown on my face, because Shizune asked me, _Why are you mad?_

I frowned back at her, trying to figure out what I could say. I was angry because I thought she was making a big deal out of nothing, but I was pretty sure that was the wrong thing to say just now.

 _Almost dying in front of her is_ ** _nothing_** _?_ prompted a little voice in the back of my head. I grimaced and looked down. I tried to imagine what it must have been like for her, to watch me gasping and clutching my chest, not knowing if I was dying or not. Being with her when she broke her arm had been distressing for me, and that hadn’t been a life-threatening situation. I shuddered to imagine what watching her have a heart attack in front of me would feel like.

I sighed, and rubbed my face in my hands for a moment. I looked back up at her. [I’m angry because…you’re right,] I admitted. I saw a brief flash of triumph in Shizune’s eyes, that little delight in victory she got when she won an argument, but it was almost immediately replaced by a softer, gentler expression. One of caring and concern.

[I _have_ been in denial. It’s been hard to adjust to my new limitations. I just…] I blushed, embarrassed to be saying this to my deaf girlfriend, but I was sure she’d understand. [I just want to be _normal_ again.]

She gave me a sad, sympathetic smile, and shook her head. She reached over and stroked my cheek before returning her hand to the keyboard. _That’s never going to happen. You’re stuck with this for life._

I snorted. [However long that might be.]

Her expression hardened again. _It had better be a damn long time. I don’t intend to give you up anytime soon, so you had better start taking more care of yourself._ ** _Learn_** _about yourself, your condition, your limits. The ways you can get better, and ways to avoid getting worse._

I grimaced, still annoyed that she was right, but…well, she _was_ right. [All right. I will. I’m sorry my…ignorance and denial gave you such a scare tonight.]

This time, she smiled at my apology. _I know this is hard for you. It’s been a major life change. But Yamaku has a lot of resources to help you adjust to that change. So far, you’ve been doing the minimum you need to get by—or, no, that’s not fair. You working out is more than the minimum. But…_

[But I need to own up to the facts, and start looking at my condition seriously. Learn about it. Learn how to live with it better.]

She nodded. _Yes. Please. I do love you, heavens know why, and I don’t want to lose you any time soon._

I chuckled. [You sweet-talker, you.]

She smiled. _How’s your heart doing?_

I blinked. [It’s fine. I’ve been fine since before we left the onsen.]

_No other flutters or palpitations?_

I shook my head.

_You’re certain?_

I looked at her curiously. [Yes, I’m certain. Why?]

Her smile became a smirk. _Because it is traditional to make up after an argument with sex. But I don’t want to kill you in the process. That would be just too much irony for my tastes._

I laughed out loud at that. [Indeed.] I reached over and gently closed the lid of her laptop, and put it carefully to the side. I pulled her closer, and for a while we just talked with our bodies.


	15. Chapter 15

The next morning we woke up in time for breakfast. Barely. It was simple but delicious fare, elegantly presented. Afterwards, we went out to explore town a little more. We visited the glass works I'd read about, and Shizune indulged my fascination with the glassblowing as we sat through an hour of demonstrations. I understood the science behind it all, but there was still an aspect of the magical in how the glowing orange molten glass was formed and cooled to a variety of shapes and colors.

After lunch, we passed by a small chocolate shop, then Shizune stopped and pulled me back. [Do your parents like chocolate?] she asked.

I shrugged. [Sure. Who doesn’t?]

[Good. I’ve been looking for a proper gift.] We went inside, and my mouth started watering from the smell, despite having just eaten lunch. The chocolates were on display in glass cases, and looked both beautiful and delicious. And expensive. I grimaced. [I don’t think I’ve ever eaten _anything_ that cost that much per gram,] I said.

She gave me an incredulous look. [These aren’t even that expensive, for good chocolates. You’ve never had good quality chocolate?]

I blushed, for some reason embarrassed by her question. [Well, I guess not? I usually just buy it at the grocery store.]

She blinked at me, then a smile slowly spread across her face. [Okay. I’m buying chocolate for your parents _and_ for you. I can’t wait to see you eating a chocolate truffle for the first time.]

She bought two assortment boxes, one large, one small, and had the large one gift-wrapped. I was a little boggled by the price, but she seemed to think it was reasonable. She refused to let me munch on the chocolates as we walked. [These should be savored sitting down, appreciated. The chocolatier’s artistry must be respected.]

I thought that sounded a little pretentious, but I didn’t say so. I just waited until we got back to the minshuku.

Once we returned to our room, Shizune pulled out the small assortment box of chocolates and opened it. The smell was still wonderful, if fainter than in the store. She studied the box for a long moment, as if debating something, then she pulled out a small dusty looking sphere. Setting it on top of the box lid, she said, [Let’s start you with a simple dark chocolate truffle, covered in cocoa powder. Don’t need anything fancy at first.]

I nodded and picked up the chocolate. I was about to pop it into my mouth when Shizune said, “Wait!”

I blinked, startled, wondering what had provoked her into verbalizing.

She sighed and gave me a long-suffering look. [This isn’t a Crunky chocolate bar. You don’t just eat it all at once. Bite in half. Allow the filling to melt on your tongue. Savor it. Slowly.]

“Okay…” I said dubiously. I did as she instructed.

Despite the way she’d been building this up, I was unprepared for what I tasted. It wasn’t even just the taste. It was also the feeling, the texture, the way the truffle melted and spread out on my tongue, liquifying just by body heat alone. It was not like any chocolate I’d ever tasted before, rich and creamy and subtle. The faint bitterness of the plain cocoa powder on the outside contrasted with the only slightly sweeter inside. It was glorious, in a way I’d never known chocolate could be.

My expression must have been all that Shizune had hoped for, because she actually giggled out loud, sounding gleeful. “Wow,” I said, forgetting to sign. I let the chocolate linger on my tongue for a long moment, then swallowed, floored by what I’d experienced. “That’s…” I caught myself. [That’s amazing.]

Shizune was grinning, looking pleased and smug. [So, you like?]

I laughed. [Oh, yes.] I looked down at the other half of the chocolate in my fingers, then held it out to her. Her smile broadened, and she slowly sucked the chocolate hemisphere from my fingers, sending a small electric jolt through my body at the feeling of her tongue.

She closed her eyes and appreciated the chocolate for a moment herself, then opened her eyes and sighed happily. [Yes, that should do for a gift to your parents.]

[They’ll never know what hit them,] I said. [I don’t think they’ve ever had chocolate that good either. Or at least, if they did, they never shared it with me.]

She grinned. [Why would they, if you were happy with Pocky?]

We worked our way though another three chocolates, feeding them to each other, enjoying them slowly. After the last one, Shizune closed up the box and tucked it away. [We’ll enjoy more tomorrow,] she said.

When we wanted to cuddle and also have conversation, we usually sat facing each other with our legs intertwined, leaning back against pillows. It wasn’t as intimate as having her cuddled up in my lap, but it was necessitated by needing to be able to see each other’s hands. And at least I could run my hand along her lovely calf while listening to her.

[So, since I’m going to be meeting them tomorrow, tell me about your parents,] Shizune asked.

I gave her an unamused stare. [Like you told me about Jigoro in advance?]

She covered her mouth and giggled silently. [I wanted to see how you would cope.]

Hrmph. [Perhaps I’ll return the favor, and let you find out for yourself.]

Shizune smiled and shook her head. [No, you won’t.]

[Won’t I?]

[No, because you’re a much nicer person than I am.]

Well, hell, how do you argue against that? I shrugged and gave her a rueful smile. [My parents…are boring, compared to your father. Stolid, respectable, almost stereotypically normal. They’re rarely at home, except to sleep. They work a lot.]

[Hard workers? They sound like my kind of people.]

I snorted, then thought about it for a moment. I shook my head slowly. [Not…exactly.] I tried to find a way to verbalize my objection to her observation. [You…are very driven. Goal oriented. A hard worker. But you work hard for _others_. You try to make sure our fellow students are doing well. And you take time out to play now and then. My parents…] I trailed off, reluctant to speak ill of them, but I was realizing some things even as I spoke.

[My parents also work hard, but honestly, I am not totally sure _why_. I don’t know what drives them. It seems like they feel they always _need_ to make more money. Like what they have is never enough. But we’ve always been fairly well off, since I was a kid. Solidly middle to upper-middle class. But they never take time out to enjoy the things their money could buy them. I can’t complain, their hard work made it possible to afford my attending Yamaku, and I know they’ve set aside enough money for my university, but…I would have gladly had a few less toys and DVDs growing up in exchange for spending more time with them.]

Shizune regarded me seriously, and I shook my hands out, stretching them. I didn’t often sign that much all at once.

[Do you resent their work?] she asked.

I started to shake my head _no_ , then thought a moment. “Maybe?” I frowned. [It feels churlish, ungrateful, to resent that which gave me a comfortable life growing up, but…]

[But you miss them.]

I gave her a sour smile. [I’m not sure I can miss something I never had. I attended after-school day care when I was young, then took care of myself at home as I got older. I ate a lot of frozen food, or junk from fast-food restaurants. Sometimes, they came home after I went to bed, and left before I woke up. Even when they didn’t work six days a week, what little time they were home on weekends was often spent catching up on their sleep.]

[That sounds lonely.]

[No, I hung out with my friends, spent probably too much time in arcades with them, or at their houses. I wasn’t _alone_ , I just…didn’t have much in the way of parents.]

Shizune leaned forward and stroked my cheek, looking sympathetic. I caught her hand and kissed it, and smiled at her. Releasing her hand, I added, [But I can tell you one thing for sure. I’m _definitely_ going to be a major part of my children’s lives.]

She blinked, looking startled by my talking about my future children, and I realized that I might be talking about _our_ children. Or not. Depending upon how our relationship worked out.

But the thought having risen in my mind, I found myself hoping that they _would_ be ours. I swallowed nervously, and asked, [Do you think…you would ever want to have children? Someday?]

Shizune stared at me, wordless, for a long moment, before nodding slowly, solemnly. [I would like children someday, yes. Although I sometimes fear I’m too selfish, too driven, to be a good mother. But you…you would definitely be a good father.]

I blinked back tears, my emotional reaction to that simple statement taking me by surprise. [I hope so.]

She smiled. [I know so.]

I slid closer to her and hugged her tight, cutting off communication for the moment. But she surprised me by saying, “Any child would be luggy to have you for a father.”

I drew a deep, shuddering breath in response, my reaction to that statement overwhelming me. I pulled back so she could see my face, and smiled at her. “I love you.”

She smiled back, and ran a thumb down my cheek, wiping away an errant tear. “I love you too.”

We just cuddled together for a while then, not saying anything. It was probably too soon to be talking about “our” children, but this felt like it came one step closer to that. I idly ran a hand up and down her back, enjoying the feel of having her close.

Eventually, we pulled back apart so we could continue our conversation. [I don’t want to give you the wrong impression of my parents. They aren’t bad people. They provide for me, they love me, and want me to do well. They’re just…]

[Absent.]

I nodded. That was a good way to put it.

[Well, I shall attempt to reserve judgement until I meet them for myself. Although I think anyone who doesn’t want to spend time with you is foolish, and missing out.]

I laughed a little at that. [You’re too kind.]

It felt like the time was finally right to ask her about something I had wondered about for a while now, but had been too shy to bring up. [As long as we’re talking about parents…] I hesitated, then drew a deep breath for courage. [You’ve never said anything about your mother. I know nothing about her.]

Shizune had stiffened at the word “mother,” then she sighed and relaxed. She stared at the floor for a long moment, then looked back up at me. [My mother died when I was nine. Cancer. It was quick, less than three months between her diagnosis and death.]

[I’m sorry. I didn’t know.]

[Of course you didn’t. I never mention her.]

[Why not?]

She closed her eyes for a few moments, brow furrowed. [Habit, I suppose. My father never wants to talk about her, or be reminded of her. So I’ve just stopped talking about her.] She looked sad. [Which isn’t fair. She deserves to be remembered. Cherished. I still miss her.]

[She must have been a saint, to put up with Jigoro.]

Shizune smiled. [She was good for him, yes. My father…] She grimaced. [He was not always as bombastic and overbearing as he is now. I think she tempered him, brought out his better qualities. He’s always been larger than life, flamboyant, but he was more caring and affectionate when Mother was alive. Less quick to judge.] She paused, staring off into the distance. [Akira once said she thought that something inside him broke when Mother died, and I think she’s right. He loved her with all his being, and when she died, she took part of him with her. Now, I think he’s so abrasive partly to make sure no one can ever get so close to him again. Can never hurt him like that again.]

[Unfortunately, that also seems to include you, and Hideaki,] I observed.

She nodded, looking sad.

I tried to turn the conversation to less a depressing track. [So, if your mother deserves to be remembered, tell me more about her. What are some of your favorite memories of her?]

Shizune smiled, her face softening in reminiscence. [I remember the first time I beat her at Gomoku. She was so proud of me for beating her. She bragged about me for days.]

[How old were you?]

[Seven.] I was impressed. [Once I graduated from simple children’s games, she never played other than to win.] She grinned. [Mind you, it was over a year before I beat her again, but that memory kept me going for a long time.]

[So, you don’t get all of your competitive nature from your father.]

Shizune shook her head. [Far from it. It was part of why they worked so well together. But she was the one who played games with me. Father took his competitive spirit to the workplace.]

[Did she introduce you to RISK?]

Shizune’s smile faltered, and she shook her head again. [I didn’t discover that game until middle school.] She looked wistful. [I would have loved to have played it with her, though. She would have given me a good fight.]

[Unlike me?] I teased, trying to lighten the mood. She grinned.

[Indeed. She would have eaten you alive. But…I also think she would have liked you.]

I cocked my head, curious. [Why?] Not that I was fishing for compliments or anything.

Shizune smiled fondly at me. [Because you’re good to me. And good for me.] She reached out with her functional hand and captured one of my hands before I could respond, and kissed it.

I kissed hers in return, then retrieved my hand and smiled at her. [So, tell me more about her…]

 

* * *

 

 

We arrived at my parents’ house shortly after lunch the next day. At _my_ house, I guess, although it no longer felt like such, after nearly a year away. I almost felt like an intruder, unlocking the door and letting myself in.

My old beat-up slippers were still in the shoe cubby by the door. I slipped them on, and looked around the living room. Nothing much had changed since I was last there. No new furniture, no new pictures on the walls. It was, however, a lot tidier than when I had lived there. In some ways, it reminded me of the Shirakawas’ place, it was so orderly, but here that tidiness just felt unlived-in, vacant, not an anal-retentive’s showpiece of a perfect room. I took a deep breath, and even the scent of the place had changed. I wondered if that was due to my absence, or something else.

“Nice,” said Shizune behind me, and I realized I’d just been standing there staring. I shook my head, and turned to face her.

[It feels odd being back here. I haven’t been here since before my heart attack.]

She looked surprised. [You went straight from the hospital to school?]

I nodded. [I think my parents wanted to keep me under constant medical supervision, which I wouldn’t have had if I came home.]

She cocked her head as if considering that notion, then shook her head. [Maybe. But that must have been hard on you.]

I shrugged, a little embarrassed. [Somewhat. But after four months in the hospital, mostly I was just happy to be _anywhere_ else.]

[No wonder you were depressed when you first arrived.]

I blushed, and decided to change the topic. [Shall I show you around?]

Shizune regarded me for a moment, then nodded with a small smile. [Sure.]

Although it was a nice house, it was nowhere near as large as Shizune’s, and our “tour” took less than ten minutes. I ended in my old room, where Shizune looked around at my cluttered shelves and walls with interest. [So you haven’t _always_ had such a boring room as your dorm room.]

[I prefer to think of my dorm room as _uncluttered_ and _serene_ , like a Zen garden,] I replied loftily.

Shizune laughed. [Maybe we should take some of these posters back to school for your room.]

I contemplated the various posters adorning my wall, from games I used to play, and soccer and pop stars, and astronomical photographs. [Maybe the ones of the nebula, and Saturn,] I said. [The rest…just don’t mean much to me anymore.]

Shizune nodded.

I plopped down on my bed, automatically pulling my pillow up behind my back as I leaned against the wall. [My mother said they’d come home early tonight, which for them means around six o’clock. What would you like to do for the next four or five hours?]

She looked thoughtful for a moment, then she sat down next to me, turning to face me so we could talk. [Do you have something you wish to do? Someone you’d like to see? Meet up with your old friends?]

I shrugged uncomfortably. [I…didn’t exactly end on the best of terms with them when I left.] I’d told her of my hospital stay, and how Mai, Takumi, and Shin had drifted away, driven away by my bad moods.

[How long have you known them?] she asked.

The question surprised me. [Since early grade school.]

[So, seven to ten years?]

I nodded. [About that.]

[Do you think you should throw away that many years of friendship just because you were in a bad place after a life-altering accident?]

[Well…no, but…why would they want to see me?]

She gave me one of her flat stares. [Because you’re their friend?] she asked. [It might be nice to show them you’ve gotten better. That you haven’t just continued to sink into that pit of gloom and despair they last saw you in.]

I winced at the way she summed it up, but she wasn’t wrong. I sighed.[Yeah, but…] I trailed off, uncertain of what to say.

[But you’re embarrassed to contact them.]

Was I? I thought about it for a moment, then realized she was right. Again. Dammit. [Yeah, of course. I was a jerk to them. I didn’t appreciate what they tried to do for me.]

[So, start with an apology.]

I thought about that for a long moment. [How?]

Shizune looked exasperated. “Hey, I’m sorry I was so cloomy and rude last sprin. Would you lite to ket to’ether for tea?”

I snorted and shook my head. It wasn’t that easy.

Was it?

Shizune regarded me. [You want to see them, don’t you?]

[Yes, but…]

[Is apologizing really so hard?]

[It’s not just that.] She waited, regarding me with a patient expression. Finally, I admitted, [What if they won’t accept my apology?]

[Then they probably weren’t very good friends to begin with, so, no loss. Do you really think that’s likely?]

I shook my head. [Not really.]

She reached over and slid her good hand into my pants pocket, and for a moment I thought she was getting amorous, but she just pulled out my phone and held it out to me. “Gall them. Who should you gall first?”

I gave that some thought. I took my phone from Shizune so she’d have her hand free to speak again. I stared at it, considering, then I pulled up Shin’s number and, after a moment’s hesitation, hit _call_. After a couple of rings, Shin picked up. “Yo. Hisao?”

I had to swallow before I could reply. “Yeah, hey, Shin, it’s me.”

He laughed. “Hey, wow, dude, I thought you’d fallen off the face of the earth. What’s the matter, you got no cell phone reception at that katawa school?”

I winced a little at the phrase. “No, there’s phone service there. It just…I needed some time to get my head out of my ass before I could talk to you again.”

He snorted. “Yeah, that sounds like something that could take some time.” There was a hint of bitterness under his joking tone.

I took a deep breath. “Yeah. It did. I know I was an ass last spring. I’m sorry for the way I treated you guys.”

Shin was silent for a long moment. Finally he said, “Huh. Whaddya know. Mai was right.”

“Mai? Right about what?”

“She said you’d come around eventually, get your shit together. Takumi and me, we figured…well, never mind.”

I wondered what it was that they’d thought, but I was probably happier not knowing. “Glad to know at least _she_ had some faith in me. It was more than I did, at times.”

“But now you’re calling me up to, do what, exactly?”

I sighed. “To apologize,” I reiterated. “And…I’m in town. For a couple of days, visiting my folks. I’d…kinda like to see you all. Again. Maybe apologize in person. See how everyone’s doing.”

“We’re doing fine, same old, same old.”

I glanced over at Shizune, and added, “Also, I’d like to introduce you to my girlfriend.”

He laughed. “ _Girlfriend?_ Dude, I’ve already met your right hand.”

I snorted. _That_ sounded more like the Shin I knew. “And when will I get to meet _your_ girlfriend?” I challenged, knowing he’d never had a date.

His laughter trailed off. “Er. Uh. Well, actually…”

Oho. “ _Actually?_ ” I drawled. “Did you and Mai finally confess to each other?”

He choked. “What? _Mai?_ Dude, she’s like my freaking _sister._ I couldn’t date her! Gross! Get your mind out of the gutter!”

I blinked, surprised. The two of them had been squabbling and teasing each other for so long, I had always assumed that they’d eventually end up together. I guess that’s the problem with getting your relationship advice from anime. “So…if not Mai…who’s the lucky girl? Anyone I know?”

“Uh…Oh, hell.” He groaned, then said, “Yeah, I’d say you know her. It’s, um, Iwanako.”

I froze, stunned. Iwanako? And _Shin?_ I tried to picture brash, loud Shin with the quiet and poised Iwanako, and failed.

I must have been silent for longer than I thought, because Shin said, “Hisao? You still there, dude? I didn’t give you another freaking heart attack, did I?”

At that, I had to laugh, breaking my paralysis. “No, I’m still alive. For now. Though if you hit me with too many more stunners like that I may not be for long.” I shook my head. “Iwanako? Seriously? And you? You’re not just jerking my chain?” It would be the kind of joke Shin would make.

“Nah, not about this. She’s…well, I don’t have to tell you, she’s really special.” His voice held a quiet, gentle note I’d never heard from Shin before. “I never thought I could get so lucky, y’know?”

Wow. I shook my head. “Uh, well, congratulations.”

“Really? You mean that? You’re not pissed at me for stealing your girl?”

I stopped and thought about that for a moment. “Yeah, I mean it. She was never actually my girl to steal in the first place. Not really.” I glanced at Shizune again, and smiled, relaxing. “And besides, I found someone even better.”

Shin laughed, sounding relieved. “Well, I’d have to disagree, but to each their own, dude.”

“Yeah. Congratulations,” I repeated.

“Thanks.” He cleared his throat. “So…you really want to get together with us?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Well, Mai and I were going to hit the arcades this afternoon. I could see if Takumi wanted to join us.”

“And Iwanako?”

He hesitated. “You want to see her again, too?”

“If she’s willing to see me, yeah,” I said, hoping I sounded more certain than I felt. “I figure I owe her an even bigger apology than I owe you guys. Though I could understand if she didn’t want to see me again.”

“I’ll ask her. Dunno what she’ll say. She was pretty pissed at you for a while.”

I winced. “Yeah, I’m sure. Well, do whatever feels best. I’d understand if she doesn’t want to see me in person, just let her know I’m sorry for how I treated her, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.”

“So, where were you meeting Mai?”

“The arcade just off Ekimae-dori. Do you remember it?”

I snorted. We must have spent hundreds of hours there. “I had a heart attack, not amnesia.”

“Ass. We’re gonna meet around two. You wanna call Takumi, or should I?”

I wasn’t sure which would be better. “Which way is more likely to get him to come? Is he pissed at me too?”

“Eh…I’ll call him,” Shin said, not answering my question. “See you at two.”

“See you.”

I put down my phone, and looked over at Shizune. [Were you able to follow any of that?]

She shook her head. [You looked down, looking embarrassed, so I couldn’t read you. Actually, at some points you looked like you wanted to curl up into a little ball.]

I rolled my eyes. [Yeah, sorry about that.] I gave her a synopsis of the conversation.

Her eyebrows shot up partway through my recap, but she waited until I was done to ask a single-word question: [Iwanako?]

I sighed. [Yeah.]

[Good.]

I blinked, surprised. [Good?]

[Yes. You owe her the largest apology. And also…] Her smile acquired a razor-sharp edge. [I want to meet the woman who could give you a heart attack just by confessing to you.]

I groaned.

Shizune changed clothes, out of her traveling outfit into something sharper and sexier. Or at least as sharp and sexy as she could get, when a cast and a sling were unavoidable fashion accessories. I wasn’t sure if she did it to help me “show off” my new girlfriend, or if she was dressing to make sure she out-shone Iwanako, and I was afraid to ask.

We caught the bus downtown. I tried to point out to Shizune various landmarks as we went, places I remembered fondly, but I was a bit distracted. We garnered some curious glances on the bus as we talked, and I was reminded that not everywhere is like Yamaku, used to seeing signed conversations.

We walked the short distance from the bus stop to the arcade hand-in-hand. When we approached the arcade, Shizune asked, “Where do you meet?”

I turned to face her. [Usually by the token dispensers over there,] I pointed. We wandered over there, but none of my friends were there yet. It was more crowded than usual for a weekday, probably due to the holidays. I took the opportunity to buy some tokens. Shizune shot me an inquiring look, and I shrugged. [Habit. We usually play a bit before going for snacks and drinks.] She nodded.

After a few minutes of nervous waiting, with me continuously scanning the crowd, Shizune asked, [Are they usually late?]

[Takumi frequently is, but Mai and Shin are usually pretty on-time.]

[If they were all meeting up together before coming to meet you, they may be delayed by Takumi, then,] she observed.

Possible, I supposed, but why would they be meeting up together before hand? Deciding who gets to chew me out for which offense?

Shizune must have noticed my increasing unease, because she said, [Let’s play a game while we wait.]

I nodded, agreeable to the notion of a distraction. [What would you like to play?]

[We should stick to one of the games near here, so we can find each other.]

I nodded, and looked around for a game which could be played with one hand, or at least, with one hand and a simple button-push for the other hand; she could manage that much with her arm in a cast. Shizune tapped my arm and pointed to a console behind us.

It was a two-person shooter, with plastic light-guns. It wasn’t one I’d played a lot, but I recalled one of the nice features of this game was that the guns had recoil, they actually jerked in your hand when you shot. I nodded in agreement, and we stepped over to the console. [Have you ever played this one before?] I asked.

She shook her head. [I’ve played shooters, but not this one.]

I fed the machine its requisite number of tokens, while Shizune picked up her gun and hefted it. I selected the simplest, tutorial level, to give her a chance to get familiar with the game mechanics. I picked up my own weapon, and she gave me a grin and a nod. I hit the _start_ button and faced the console.

I knew she wouldn’t appreciate my going easy on her, so I played as best I could. I got in a few good shots early on, but she rapidly improved, picking up the system’s quirks and quickly copying my own tricks. I beat her, but not by as much as I’d expected.

She didn’t look at all disappointed at losing. She grinned at me, and asked, [Again?]

I looked around the arcade, but there was still no sign of my friends. I pushed down my nervousness at that, and nodded to Shizune. I again ponied up the tokens for our game. I started to select the tutorial level again, but Shizune said, “No. Do the nezt level.” I looked at her, and she nodded firmly, so I did as she asked. I thought she was jumping the gun (so to speak), but sometimes her competitive nature got the better of her.

It was a blood bath. I scored barely half as many points as she did.

“Well, at least you found someone who can properly kick your ass,” I heard Shin’s voice behind me as the game ended. I put down the gun and turned to see we had an audience. I touched Shizune’s arm to get her attention, and she turned too.

They’d all come, even Iwanako, who was hanging back a bit, behind Shin. I was surprised at the surge of relief I felt at seeing them all. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed them until now. Of course, that relief was tempered by the memory of how I’d treated them all when last I saw them. Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but grin to see them. “Hey, guys,” I said, automatically signing for Shizune as I did. “It’s great to see you.” My three old friends looked puzzled by my moving hands, but Iwanako, oddly enough, just looked intrigued.

As they all nodded and replied with variations on “Good to see you too,” I continued, “I’d like to introduce my girlfriend, Shizune Hakamichi. Shizune, this is Shin Obara, Iwanako Koyanagi, Takumi Sera, and Mai Yasui”

Shizune bowed, and said, “I am honored and delighted to finally meet you all.”

As they returned her bow with varying degrees of formality, Shin just barely nodding his head, I added, “I should mention, she’s deaf, so I’ll be translating for her. Though she can speechread, it’s not very reliable, especially in group situations.”

Iwanako startled me by stepping out from behind Shin and signing, [I am pleased meet you. I am Iwanako.] Her gestures were slow and stiff, but understandable.

I looked over at Shizune, who was smiling broadly in delighted surprise. I was glad to notice that I wasn’t the only one staring at Iwanako in amazement. Apparently no one else had known she could sign either.

[I am most pleased to meet you, too. Please, call me Shizune,] she signed in return, slowing her hands to a pace closer to Iwanako’s. Iwanako frowned in concentration as she stared at Shizune, working out the odd mix of single-handed signs and yubimoji that Shizune was forced to use, then she smiled as she figured out what Shizune was saying. [How is it you know sign?] Shizune asked.

Iwanako paused, as if trying to remember her words, a pause I was all too familiar with from my own stumbling signing. [My sister marriage a deaf man,] she said. [I want make him welcome. Sister teach me.]

I was reflexively translating Iwakano’s signs out loud for the others, which earned me a flustered look from Iwanako, as well as curious looks from the other three.

“Ah, sorry,” I said, blushing a little. “Habit. I translate for Shizune at school sometimes, so I often sign and speak both sides of a conversation so no one is left out.” Of course, my hands were signing as I spoke, and Iwanako smiled approvingly at me.

“That’s very kind of you,” she said, then she paused and signed the same thing. She frowned. [And not easy.]

“It takes practice,” I agreed and signed. “But I have a stern task-mistress to help keep me motivated. Ow!” I jumped as Shizune punched me in the arm at that last.

The others laughed, even Shizune, with her silent laugh.

“But she spoke to us just now,” said Takumi, sounding puzzled.

“I am deaf, not mute,” Shizune said. “Though behause I gan’t hear my own voice, I know I sound odd to hearin’ people.”

“Right. Well, did you want to play more games, or should we go grab a drink?” Shin asked, his words a little loud and slow. Shizune, Iwanako and I all grimaced at the way he spoke.

“She’s totally deaf, Shin,” I said. “Speaking louder won’t make her hear you any better. And if you speak slowly and exaggeratedly, it actually makes it _harder_ for her to speechread what you’re saying.”

“Just speak normally,” Iwanako added. “Or better yet, just let me do the talking.” Since she seemed to be trying to sign her own words as she spoke, I didn’t translate for her.

When she finished, Shizune grinned. “Indeed, the boys would be better off to let us always do all the talging,” she said to Iwanako. Iwanako giggled at that, and even Mai, who’d been silent up til now, snorted a little laugh.

“Hey!” Shin and I protested, which just garnered more amusement from the female half of our group. Though in reality, I was mostly relieved that Shizune and Iwanako seemed to be getting along instead of fighting.

Takumi just rolled his eyes and turned toward the exit. “Come on, let’s go get a snack.” We followed him out of the arcade, Shin falling in step beside him, followed by Shizune and Iwanako. That left me with Mai, who’d been almost totally silent this whole time.

“Hey, Mai,” I said, feeling a little nervous because of her stony-faced silence. “How’ve you been?”

“Fine,” she replied curtly.

“It’s good to see you,” I offered, but she just grunted in return.

I sighed. Shin had said Mai had expressed faith that I’d eventually pull out of my depression, but apparently that faith didn’t preclude her also being pissed off at me. “Listen, I’m sorry I was such a jerk last winter,” I began, but she snorted and shook her head. “What?” I asked.

She gave me a side-long glower. “Last winter? Really?”

I frowned, uncertain as to what she was getting at. “Um. Yeah? I feel like I owe you an apology for how I treated you when I was in the hospital.”

She shook her head again, a look of disbelief on her face. “Hey, ‘Nako,” she called ahead. “Do you know the sign for ‘oblivious idiot’? Ask Shizune if Hisao is still an oblivious idiot.”

“ _What?”_ I spluttered, as Iwanako laughed. The four of us stopped walking, and I watched as Iwanako slowly translated Mai’s question to Shizune.

Shizune arched an eyebrow in surprise at the question, but then she smirked and said, “He’s not totally oblivious. Not as lawn as I hit him with big enough glues.”

“Oh, now, _that’s_ just not fair,” I grumbled.

Shizune eyed Mai and me, then shook her head. “Be shentle with him, Mai. He’s cot a good heart under it all.” She paused, frowned, then added, “Metaphoritally speagin’, I mean.”

Iwanako and Mai laughed at that last. I rolled my eyes, and pointedly started walking towards the cafe. Thankfully, Iwanako and Shizune took the hint, and resumed walking too. The two of them seemed to be getting by with Iwanako signing slowly and Shizune speaking out loud in return.

Mai resumed walking beside me, her hand stuffed in her jacket pockets. She sighed. “It’s hard to be mad at you when you don’t even know what I’m mad at you for.”

“Um. I guess I really don’t. Know, I mean,” I said cautiously. I felt like I was having a flashback to my argument with Shizune of a couple nights ago. “I mean, I thought last winter…”

She looked up to the heavens for a moment, as if looking for strength, then said, “Last winter you’d just had a heart attack. Yeah, you were an ass, but it was understandable. Your whole world had been turned upside down. You’d become disabled overnight, at seventeen. No one could really blame you for getting depressed and mopey under those circumstances. Although I _do_ appreciate the apology.”

“Thanks—er, you’re welcome—I mean—” I stopped. “I don’t know what I mean.”

“Yeah.” We walked in silence for a few more steps. “But that was last winter. It’s been _eight months_ since then, you jerk, and you’ve never called or emailed or texted a single one of us. It was like you really _had_ died.” She scowled. “And then you just pop up and are like, _hey, wanna go to the arcade and meet my new girlfriend?_ like nothing ever happened.”

I could feel my face burning. “That goes two ways, you know. _You_ could have called _me_ any time in the last eight months.”

“Really? You made it pretty plain when we last saw you that you didn’t want us around, didn’t want us to talk to you. You never replied to the letter ‘Nako sent to you, which seemed like a pretty strong signal.” She sighed. “I dunno, maybe I _should_ have ignored your wishes,” she conceded. “But it felt like the ball was in your court. It was your move.”

We walked along in silence, arriving at the cafe. I could see Shin and Takumi already at a table inside, and Shizune and Iwanako were joining them. Mai and I paused outside, staring at each other. She was one of my oldest friends, and, like Shin had said, almost a sister to me. And I’d just ignored her for eight months. No wonder she was angry. Maybe she could have called me, too, but so could have I. In the end, where the blame lay didn’t really matter.

“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s been a long and weird journey, getting my head together, dealing with _this_ ,” I rubbed my chest. I snorted. “I’m _still_ learning how to cope with it, as Shizune could tell you. But…” I smiled hesitantly down at her. “I do know I don’t want to lose you. Or Shin or Takumi. So…forgive me? Please?”

Mai just stared back at me for a long moment, frowning. Then her frown slowly melted into a rueful smile. “Well, how can I refuse such a lovely request?” She leaned forward and gave me a hug, startling me. I could count on one hand the number of times she’d hugged me over the years. I gently hugged her back, enjoying the feeling of her in my arms, smelling the floral scent of her shampoo under my nose. She was shorter than Shizune, short enough to fit under my chin, and it was almost like hugging Emi.

“You’d better do a better job of keeping in touch, you jerk,” she said, as she pulled away from me.

“I will,” I promised. I wiped at my eyes, and gestured toward the cafe door. “Shall we go in?”

 

* * *

 

From there, I was amazed at how smoothly things went. I wasn’t sure if Mai had been the designated spokeswoman for my friends’ complaints about me, or if the other three were just less upset, but after a little while, it felt as if I’d never left. Even the addition of Iwanako and Shizune to the group felt natural. The two of them got along surprisingly well, much to my relief. They fell to talking together while I chatted with the other three, catching up on the last eight months.

Before I knew it, a couple of hours had passed. Shizune and Iwanako had started teaching the other three some basic signs, and we were all laughing at their fumbling attempts at communication.

“I’m afraid we’ve got to get going. My parents will be home soon,” I said regretfully.

“ _Your_ parents? Before midnight?” asked Takumi with only slightly feigned incredulity.

“They probably miss good old what’s-his-name, their son,” said Shin drily.

“No, I think they must really want to meet the new girlfriend,” said Iwanako with a smile.

I suspected the last was closest to the truth, and, judging by the slightly nervous look that flashed across Shizune’s face, she must have agreed. But any visible doubt was quickly suppressed. “I luh forward to meetin’ them, too,” she said. “I am happy to have seen this window into Hisao’s past today. Than you all for makin’ me feel welgum.” She smiled at Iwanako. [Thank you,] she repeated.

Iwanako returned her smile warmly. [You’re welcome. I’m glad to see Hisao happy with you.]

[And I’m glad to see you happy with Shin. Remember what I said about keeping him in line,] Shizune replied. I decided that that last line didn’t need to be translated for the larger group.

We paid for our food and drinks and headed out to the bus stop. Shin, Mai and I were all on the same bus line, so we said our goodbyes to Iwanako and Takumi at the bus stop. I was charmed to see Shin, usually so bold and certain, looking awkwardly affectionate with Iwanako as they parted ways. He waved to her as she and Takumi boarded their bus.

[Do you mind if I sit with Shin?] I asked Shizune just before we boarded our bus.

She shook her head, and pulled out the pen and notebook she kept handy, presumably to allow her to converse with Mai.

“You’ve got a good thing going there with Iwanako,” I said to Shin after we sat down, with Mai and Shizune behind us.

He gave me a slightly nervous smile. “Yeah. I know. I just…”

After a moment of silence, I prompted, “You just what?”

He sighed. “I just hope I don’t mess it up, y’know?”

“How would you do that?”

He shook his head. “I…I’m not sure. But sometimes I just feel so damn lucky, and it seems like it’s too good to be true. Like I’ll wake up one day and it’ll all be a dream.”

I wasn’t sure what I could say to reassure him on that front, since I didn’t really know how they worked together. Which prompted me to ask, “So, how _did_ the two of you end up together, anyway?”

He grimaced. “After your heart attack…Iwanako got shunned at school.”

“ _What?_ Why?”

“People were calling her ‘heartbreaker’ and ‘killer.’ It was pretty ugly, for a while. Mai was the only girlfriend who stuck by her, and ‘Nako began to hang out with the three of us. Kinda taking your place in the group, in a weird sort of way.”

I frowned, thinking. “This…shunning…must have started pretty soon after my heart attack?”

“Yeah, once word got around about what happened, and why you weren’t coming back to school.”

“You mean the whole time she was visiting me in the hospital…getting the cold shoulder from _me_ …”

“Yeah.”

“Ah, hell.” I buried my face in my hands for a moment, guilt rushing through me.

“Yeah, well, like I said, she _was_ pissed at you for a while after you left.”

I just grunted in response. That was hardly surprising. What _was_ surprising was that she’d even come out to see me at all today, and had been civil, let alone pleasant.

“She started spending more and more time with the three of us, and she and I…I dunno, I sometimes wonder why she didn’t hook up with Takumi, he’s more her style, but…we just sorta fell in together. Kept joking and bantering, and eventually Mai got fed up with us dancing around each other and shoved us out on a date together.” He gently nudged me in the ribs with his elbow. “And, unlike you, my heart was up to the task.”

I tugged on my lower eyelid and stuck out my tongue at him, but he just laughed. After a moment, I had to laugh too. “Well, I guess it’s true, that opposites attract.”

“Yeah. Y’know, she’s even got me studying more. My grades have come up this semester.”

I snorted, smiling. “Now _there’s_ a miracle for you.”

“Yeah. My parents love her.”

“What about you?”

“Huh?”

“Do you love her?”

He was silent a long time, and I wondered if he was going to answer the question. “I dunno, man. I’m not sure what that really means, y’know? It’s kinda scary.”

“So I take it you haven’t told her you love her? Or vice versa?”

“No.” He shot me a curious glance. “Have you?”

“What, told Iwanako that I love her?” I teased.

“Ass. You know what I mean.”

I chuckled. “Yeah. I have. We have. Whatever.”

He glanced over his shoulder, as if making sure Shizune wasn’t listening to us. I didn’t bother pointing out that that was needless. “When did you first say it?”

“Ah…” I felt my face turning red.

“Or did she say it first?”

“Uh…in a manner of speaking, yeah, I guess she did. But I didn’t realize it at the time.”

“Huh? How can you not realize it?”

“It’s…I mean, she’s deaf, right? She talks with her hands, and her body.”

“Yeah, so? Did you not know the sign for ‘I love you’ or something?”

“No…it wasn’t that.” I coughed. “After _I_ said I love you to her for the first time, she told me that she never would have let me inside her if she didn’t love me. So she’d already said I love you to me, non-verbally, a few weeks before that. Sorta.”

“Let you in— _oh!”_ Shin gawked at me, and his face went as red as mine. “Oh. Uh. Wow. Congrats, dude.”

I grinned, still blushing, but also feeling a trifle smug. “There’s _some_ advantage to being at a boarding school. Like having your own rooms. And bored security guards.”

He laughed at that, and shook his head.

“So, have you and Iwanako…” I trailed of suggestively, curious.

His face reddened even more, and he shook his head. “Nah. I’ve got two little brothers for roommates. We barely ever get the privacy for a few kisses.” His expression softened. “Though those are pretty nice.”

“Yeah, they are,” I agreed.

As the bus came to a halt, Mai stood up and tapped Shin on the back of the head. “Come on, lover boy, this is our stop.” Shin glared at her as he stood too, and Shizune and I bade them farewell as they exited the bus.

Shizune moved up to sit next to me. [Did you have a good talk?] I asked her.

She smiled. [I was about to ask you the same. Yes, it was nice to get to know her a little. To hear about some of your youthful exploits.]

Oh, boy. I glanced at the pad of paper still clutched in her hand, presumably full of Mai’s stories about me. [Can I see what she said?] I asked.

Shizune smirked. [Maybe later.] She tucked the notepad back into her purse.

Things with my friends had gone so well, it boosted my confidence for introducing Shizune to my parents. I felt more relaxed on the bus ride back home than I had on the ride out.

I heard Shizune muttering under her breath, the first time I’d ever heard such a behavior from her. After a moment of listening, I realized she was practicing saying my name over and over, “Nah-kai, Nakai, Nagai, Nakai…” When speaking out loud, she had the greatest difficulty with the sounds produced at the back of the throat, like _K, G_ , and _NG_. And of course, my family name had a K in the middle of it. I guessed she wanted to make a good impression on my parents, and not mis-pronounce our name. I touched her arm to get her attention, then smiled at her. [It’ll be fine, you’ll do great,] I said reassuringly.

She grimaced, then closed her eyes and took a deep breath, visibly relaxing herself. Opening her eyes, she replied, [I’ve never met a boyfriend’s parents before. You can’t blame me for being a little nervous.]

[Well, I survived meeting _your_ father. Surely meeting my parents can't be so terrifying?] She snorted, and shook her head. [I've never introduced a girlfriend to my parents either,] I added.

[What about Iwanako?]

[They met her over my unconscious body at the hospital, or so I’ve been told. At least this time I’ll be conscious, and with you.]

She gave me a mock scowl. [Yes, you'd better not pass out or have a heart attack before I meet them.]

[I’ll do my best,] I promised with a smile.

I pushed the button for our stop, and stood up as the bus came to a halt. After paying our fare and getting off, I said, [Well, that was my friends. Now on to my parents.] Shizune nodded, took my hand in hers, and we set off.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	16. Chapter 16

 

As we walked up to the house, the lights shining through the windows told me that my parents were already home from work. I gave Shizune another reassuring smile before opening the door.

“I’m home!” I called out as we entered the house. As we took off our shoes and coats, I heard movement in the kitchen, then my mother darted out, followed more sedately by my father.

“Hikkun!” my mother called, making me grimace. Maybe it was marginally better than being called Hicchan, but I still didn’t care for it.

“Hello, Mother,” I said, trying not to sound aggrieved. She wrapped me in a warm embrace and squeezed me, then she jumped back, her hand flying to her mouth, looking stricken.

“Oh! I’m sorry! Was that too tight? Your heart…”

I smiled reassuringly at her. “That was fine. I’m not made of glass. Just don’t punch me, and I’ll be okay.” I took the opportunity to gesture to Shizune, angling my body so I could sign to her too. “Mother, Father, I’d like you to meet my girlfriend, Shizune Hakamichi.”

Shizune bowed, and said, “I am very pleased to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Nakai.”

My mother gave her a stiff smile and nodded, then turned back to me. “Did your train just get in? How was your trip?” My father frowned slightly, looking uncomfortable, but he said nothing.

“No, we got in just after lunch. We visited with my friends this afternoon.”

“Oh! Did you see Iwanako?”

I shot her a puzzled look. “Er. Yes? Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering. She’s _such_ a nice girl.”

“Yeah, she and Shin are dating now.”

“Oh.” She frowned. “Why are you waving your hands around like that?”

“I’m interpreting for Shizune. I told you she’s deaf.”

“Oh. Well, surely you don’t need to tell her _everything_ we’re saying.”

“What?” I was taken aback. “Of course I do. I don’t want her to be left out.”

“That is good of you,” said my father, breaking his silence. He smiled and nodded at Shizune. “I am pleased to meet you.”

Shizune seemed to relax a little, to finally be addressed by at least one of my parents. “Thang you for invitin’ me into your home.”

My father said, “You are most welcome,” then he watched my hands curiously as I interpreted that for Shizune.

“Well, come in, come in,” my mother urged me, “Dinner is almost ready.” She grabbed me by the arm and dragged me toward the dining room.

I shot Shizune an apologetic glance over my shoulder as we went. I saw my father standing awkwardly by Shizune, looking at a loss for what to say—or perhaps, how to say it. He settled for just smiling at Shizune and gesturing towards the dining room, and they followed me and my mother.

“Can we help?” I asked, but my mother just shooed me toward a seat.

“No, no, everything is ready. Sit down, relax.”

I looked at Shizune. “She says she doesn’t want any help in the kitchen,” I told her, since I was pretty sure she’d ask.

She nodded. [Where should I sit?] I indicated the fourth seat, the one not usually set, as being hers. My mother always sat in the spot closest to the kitchen, my father on her left, me on her right, which put Shizune on my right, across from my mother.

We had just barely settled in when my mother brought out the food. I was relieved to see that the fish was prepared sashimi style. She had a tendency to over-cook fish, so raw was far preferable.

My mother twitched and shot Shizune a startled glance when she said _itadakimasu_ with the rest of us before beginning. Then she looked at me. “So, Hikkun, how has school been going? Your letters have been somewhat _lacking_ in details.” I tried to squash the surge of guilt I felt at the note of reproach in her voice.

“It’s going well,” I said and signed. “We’re all busy getting ready for university exams. Shizune and Misha and I have organized study groups, to help everyone get ready.”

“That’s good thinking,” said my father approvingly.

“Who is Misha?” asked my mother.

“She’s the vice-president of the Student council. Shizune is the president, and I’m…” I hesitated. If I had an official title, I wasn’t aware of it, and I doubted I would impress my mother by saying I was their chief lackey and pack mule. Though that was what it felt like at times.

“Hisao is our segretary-treashurer,” said Shizune, filling in. “He is a vital part of our studen council.” I shot her a grateful look, and she smiled back at me.

“So you’re the president?” my father asked Shizune. “That’s quite impressive.”

Shizune smiled, trying to look modest but mostly looking proud. “Thang you. It is a lot of work, but it is rewardin’ to help our fellow students.”

“Have you made any other friends at school?” my mother asked.

“Well, I already mentioned Misha. I’m also friend with Emi, who’s Yamaku’s leading track star, and I suppose I could list my neighbor Kenji. If forced.” Shizune gave a silent giggle at that last.

“Track star! I would not think a school for people with…physical difficulties…would have a track team,” my mother said.

“Oh, sure. Emi calls herself the fastest thing on no legs. If she’s in a race, the other competitors might as well give up.”

“The fastest thing…on no legs?” my father asked, sounding puzzled.

“She’s a double amputee, but she has special running prosthetics— _blades_ , she calls them—to compete in track. She was a runner before the accident that took her legs, and she continued to run afterwards.”

My father looked impressed by that little story, but my mother looked disquieted. “How…inspirational,” she said, not sounding at all sincere.

I chose to ignore her tone of voice. “We all have our disabilities. We all cope with ‘em as best we can.” I smiled at Shizune. “And we also help each other out,” I added, thinking of her urging me to face up to my own disabilities. She smiled back at me. My mother looked at the two of us for a moment, then turned her attention back to her meal.

The rest of the meal passed in fairly mundane discussion of life at school. My mother didn’t address Shizune directly very often, but my father picked up the slack, asking her about the student council and her studies. He, at least, was suitably impressed to hear that she was applying to Kyoto University.

When it came time to clear the table, I grabbed a stack of dishes and headed to the kitchen. Shizune tried to rise and assist, but my father put a hand on her arm and smiled at her. “You are our guest. Please, just sit.” He seemed to have realized that he could speak to her as long as he was facing her directly and she was looking at his face.

Shizune settled back down and smiled. “Thank you.”

As my mother put away the leftovers, I continued to clear the table. Shizune and my father angled themselves a bit more towards each other, facing each other directly, and I heard my father asking Shizune about her student council work. I smiled, happy to see my father making the effort to get to know her.

Mother and I worked in silence for a while, before I finally decided to approach the issue head on. “So, what do you think of Shizune?” I asked.

“Well…she’s certainly a very _pretty_ girl,” my mother said as she rinsed dishes off and handed them to me to load into the dishwasher.

“Yes,” I said, trying to be agreeable. “And she’s very bright, and very driven, too. She works very hard as the president of the student council.”

“Oh. That’s…nice.”

“If you’d actually _talk_ with her a little, you could get to know her better.”

“But how do I do that?”

“What do you mean? You talk, she talks, it’s called conversation.”

“Don’t get sassy with me, Hikkun. How do I talk with her when she can’t hear me?”

“I can interpret, or if you face her directly and talk one-on-one, she’s pretty good at speechreading. That’s what she and Father are doing right now.” I heard my father’s low rumbling chuckle in the other room, and wondered what they were talking about. Was she telling him embarrassing stories about me?

“And her _voice.”_ My mother shook her head. “I mean…she sounds…” She sighed and put down a bowl and faced me. “Do you really think she’s the right girl for you?”

I frowned as I put the last plate she’d handed me into the dishwasher. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“She’s just so… _different.”_

“Different, how?” I asked. I knew what she meant, but I was hoping she wouldn’t actually come out and say it.

My mother gave an exasperated sigh. “She’s _handicapped,_ Hikkun. Do you really want to go through life saddled with that burden?”

I felt my body go cold, even as my pulse accelerated. “She is not a burden, mother,” I said, struggling to keep my voice even and level. “And are you forgetting that _I’m_ handicapped, too?”

My mother waved that aside. “You’re not handicapped, you just need to be careful of your heart,” she said, displaying a level of denial that made my own seem almost non-existent by comparison. “And she may not seem a burden now, while you’re at that special school, but what about in the real world? Do you really want to spend your life translating for her wherever you go?”

Several possible retorts swirled through my head before I settled on, “She got along just fine before she ever met me. She’s not dependent upon me.”

“She’ll only drag you _down_ , Hikkun.”

I was having a hard time believing I was actually having this conversation with my mother. “She doesn’t drag me down. She makes me _better_. She’s the one who urged me to start exercising, to get healthier.”

“Exercising! Is that a good idea, in your condition?”

“ _Yes,”_ I snapped, then paused, trying to calm myself. “The nurse recommended it, in fact. To strengthen my heart.”

“And what if _her_ condition is genetic? Do you want my grandchildren to be deaf, too?”

I was startled that the thought had never occurred to me. I had no idea of Shizune’s condition was genetic, teratogenic, or just some odd fluke. I didn’t even know if she knew. But as I contemplated the notion of deaf children, I was surprised to find how little the idea bothered me.

“It’s a little early to be discussing grandchildren, Mother. We’ve been dating less than a year. But in any case, I would love them just the same. I would _be there_ for them.” The meaning of that last sentence seemed to pass right over her head, unfortunately.

“Oh! You’re hopeless. Condemning me to grandchildren who might never hear the sound of my voice.”

At the moment, that sounded like more of a blessing than a curse, but I somehow managed to refrain from saying so. Then I shook my head. “How is this about you? She’s _my_ girlfriend, not yours.”

“ _Obviously_. I would never _dream_ of dating a katawa girl like that.”

I froze in place, my vision going red. That kind of symptom was usually indicative of a heart problem, but this time it was purely psychological in origin. From rage. Nonetheless, I closed my eyes and struggled to keep my heartbeat steady, breathing slowly. My jaw hurt, I was clenching my teeth so tightly around the angry words that I would not, _could_ not, say to my mother.

“Hikkun? Are you all right? Is…is your heart bothering you?” my mother asked nervously.

I opened my eyes and looked down into her worried face. “Mother,” I said tightly. “Please do not ever use that word again.” I was pleased that I managed to speak so civilly. Even if my tone of voice was cold. I focused on breathing at a slow pace. My face felt like it was on fire, and I actually did have a bit of worry about my heart, not that I’d admit that to her that just now.

“What word? Katawa? But she _is_ —”

I cut her off sharply. “ _No._ She is _not._ What she _is_ is a brilliant, strong, kind, and beautiful woman whom I love very much, and I _will not_ hear you refer to her in such _ugly terms!”_ I hadn’t realized I was shouting until that last phrase echoed in my ears.

My mother just stared up at me in shock, eyes wide and mouth open, before she flushed and snapped her mouth shut, turning away from me. “That is no way to address your mother, young man,” she said sternly, grabbing another dish from the stack to rinse it off in the sink.

I just stood there, panting, grinding my teeth.

My father said from the doorway to the kitchen, “Is everything all right in here?”

I looked at him, standing in the doorway, with Shizune peering around him at the kitchen. I was suddenly very grateful that Shizune hadn’t heard our argument, although I was sure I’d have to tell her about it.

“Excuse me, Mother, Father,” I said and signed. “I’m feeling a little unwell. I need to lie down for a moment.” I wiped my hands on a dish towel and stalked out of the room. I heard Shizune say “Escuse me,” and her footsteps followed me to my bedroom.

I was so angry I found it hard to see straight. I sat down on the edge of my bed staring at the floor, trying to not remember what my mother had just said. I kept focused on my breathing, trying to calm myself. I remembered with bleak amusement that I’d promised Shizune I wouldn’t have a heart attack tonight. I regulated my breathing and my pulse steadied, but my hands kept opening and closing, clenching in tight fists. Shizune just stood looking at me for a while, before she sat down beside me and gently touched my arm.

“What happened?” she asked.

I closed my eyes. [My mother and I argued.]

She waited until I opened my eyes to reply, [So I surmised. About what?]

I studied her face, and reached out to stroke her cheek.

[Me?] she asked.

I nodded.

[It’s not unusual for mothers to take a while to warm to their son’s girlfriends,] she began, but I shook my head.

[It’s not just that.] I bit my lip. I was embarrassed on my mother’s behalf, to say what she had been upset about. [It was…] I wasn’t sure how to phrase it.

[Because I’m deaf?]

I nodded again, feeling depressed and angry and sad and, and…so in love with this wonderful woman. How could my own mother be so wrong-headed about her? I know I’d said that I didn’t understand my parents very well, but this… _this…_

Shizune said, [Your father seemed…a bit distracted while we were talking.]

I flushed anew. [We were perhaps a bit loud. I…I shouted at her.]

Her eyebrows went up. [At your mother?]

I pressed my lips together, my momentary shame at that disrespect overcome by my anger. [She deserved it. She called you…never mind.] I looked away from Shizune.

She touched my arm, pulling my attention back to her. [I’ve heard them all.]

I shook my head. [I won’t say it.]

She nodded understanding. After studying my face in silence for a few moments, she asked, [What are you thinking about?]

I looked at her. My brilliant, beautiful, wonderful girlfriend. The woman I loved, and that my mother had just so deeply insulted. [I am so very sorry for how my mother spoke about you,] I said.

She gave me a sad smile, and shook her head. [It’s all right—] she began.

I scowled. [No, it’s _not!_ How dare she—]

Shizune trapped my hands between her good hand and the back of her other hand. She held me still, silent, for a long moment, then she lifted my hands and kissed my fingers. Releasing me, she said, [If you had not defended me so vigorously, if you were not so upset at her, _then_ I might be upset. But I have your defense, and your love and faith in me.] She paused for a moment, looking like she was gathering her thoughts. She leaned forward and kissed me, gently, on the lips. “Thank you.”

I stared into her brilliant blue eyes, and was shocked to realize that I was trembling. The aftermath of my fight, the emotional impact of it, finally hitting me. Looking at her, seeing the love and pride in her eyes, I made a decision.

[Let’s get out of here,] I said.

[What?]

[I have no desire to spend the night under this roof. We can spend the night with one of my friends, or find a cheap motel. Sleep in a manga cafe. _Anything_ would be better, at this point.]

Shizune frowned. [Running from the fight?]

I hesitated, and thought. Was I running away? It felt a little bit like it, but I wasn’t giving up. I _couldn’t_ give up, not as long as Shizune and I were a couple. I shook my head. [It’s a retreat. I do not think either I or my mother can have a calm conversation on this topic right now. Better to withdraw, to give her—give us both—a chance to cool down. So we might talk later.]

Shizune looked at me for a long moment, then finally nodded in agreement. [Yes. I have some experience in dealing with…difficult parents]—

I snorted at that understatement, smiling for the first time since the argument.

—[and withdrawing is sometimes the wisest option. If you don’t want to say something you’ll later regret.]

I sighed. [Yeah. She’s still my mother, and I still love her. Even if…] I shook my head. Even if I didn’t understand how she could say such things.

Shizune gave my arm a reassuring squeeze before saying, [Trust me, I’m living proof that one can violently disagree with a parent and still love them.]

I chuckled.

[So, where should we go?] she asked.

I thought a moment. [Do you have a preference for which of my friends we might impose on?]

Her mouth quirked in a little smile. [Iwanako was the only one I really got to know at all well, and that might be…awkward.]

Heh. [True.] Though I _would_ like to talk with her sister sometime, see if she had any problems getting her husband accepted by their family. And how they coped if they did.

I thought about our options. I was closest to Shin, which was why I’d called him first this afternoon, but I knew his family had little extra space; he was the oldest of four children. But Mai, on the other hand, was the youngest child, and her brother and sister had already moved out of their parents’ apartment. I explained this to Shizune, and she nodded. [That could work. If she’s willing.]

[She probably will be. And I’ve always gotten along well with her parents.] I picked up my phone and dialed Mai’s number. This time I remembered to put the phone on speaker, and set it down, so I could sign for Shizune as we talked.

After three rings, she answered with, “You know, when I said you should call more often, I didn’t necessarily mean the same day.”

“Hi to you too,” I replied with a smile.

“Hey, Hisao. What’s up?”

“I need to ask for a favor.”

She grunted. “Okay, maybe you _shouldn’t_ call more often.”

“Very funny.”

“Wha’chu need?”

I took a deep breath, and looked at Shizune. “I was wondering if Shizune and I could sleep at your place tonight.”

“Uh. Say what?”

“We need a place to stay tonight.”

“Is something wrong with your parents’ place?”

“You could say that. My mother and I just had a nasty fight about my dating a ‘katawa girl.’” My face flushed anew just from saying that word.

Mai whistled. “Ouch. Shit. That sucks.”

“Yeah. So, do you think you could put us up for the night? I’m sorry to be asking so last minute.”

“Eh. No problem. I doubt you got to choose the time and place of your fight with your mother.”

I groaned. “Yeah, or I’d have chosen ‘never.’”

“Should be no problem. Let me ask my folks. Just a sec.”

“Great. Thanks, Mai.”

As we waited, I trailed my fingertips across Shizune’s cheek, admiring her, and making her smile a little.

Mai came back on the line, “They say, of course, they’d love to see you again, and meet Shizune.”

“Thanks, Mai, you’re a life-saver. We’ll be over within a half-hour.”

“See you.”

[Well, that was easy,] I said after I hung up.

She nodded. [Did your mother really call me katawa girl?] she asked.

I winced. [Yeah. Sorry.] A fresh wave of anger and guilt rushed through me.

She shook her head, looking somber. [Not your fault. I’ve heard worse.]

[I wonder if she even realizes that that term could be applied more accurately to _me_ than you. I'm more broken and useless than you'll _ever_ be,] I said bitterly, staring at the floor.

“Stop that!” Shizune said loudly, startling me. I looked up at her to see her scowling at me. [You are no more katawa than I. Do not insult the person I love like that.]

I rubbed my face in my hands for a moment. [Sorry. I…] I wasn’t sure what to say. I gave her a helpless look.

[You’re depressed and feeling guilty because you had a fight with someone you love,] Shizune observed. [But being sad doesn’t mean you should feel useless. Because you are not.]

I stared at her for a long moment, wondering anew what I’d ever done to deserve her affection and approbation. [Thank you.] I pulled her close and hugged her, and we spent a few moments just holding onto each other. I slowly felt my tension ease and my pulse return to normal, and I gave a sigh of relief.

I flinched when I heard a tap at my bedroom door, which made Shizune pull back and give me an inquiring look. I gestured with my chin towards the door, not wanting to let go of her, and she nodded her understanding. “Should you answer it?” she asked.

I grimaced. I didn’t really want to, but then I heard my father saying, “Hisao? Can we talk for a moment?”

I sighed, and said quietly to Shizune, “My father.” The mouth shapes for “mother” and “father” were different enough that I was sure she’d know which one I’d said. She nodded, and released her grip on me. I stood up and went to the door and opened it.

My father looked nervous and sad. He had never been a very emotionally demonstrative man, and I suspect just listening to my argument with my mother must have been very uncomfortable for him. “Father,” I said, with a formally polite little bow. I was relieved to see that my mother was nowhere nearby.

He nodded back, and asked, “May I come in?”

I stepped back and gestured him in. “Of course. It’s your house.”

He winced, and entered the room. His gaze fell on Shizune, still sitting on the edge of my bed. He pulled himself upright, then bowed to her. “Miss Hakamichi.”

She looked momentarily startled, then stood and returned the bow. “Mr. Nakai.”

My father glanced at me, as if to make sure I was interpreting his words, then said, “I wish to apologize for how my wife…spoke of you. That is not how I would wish guests to be treated under my roof, especially not a guest who is so important to my son.”

I bit my lip and avoided editorializing, letting Shizune handle this. She bowed and said, “It was no problem. I am sorry for being a gause of gonflict.”

He shook his head. “It was not your fault.”

He turned towards me, and said, “On the one hand, I do not wish to condone you being disrespectful of your mother.” As I took a breath to respond to that, he held up a hand to stop me. “On the other hand, I…think it must be admitted, she acted in a manner that was perhaps less than worthy of respect. I do not wish for you two to fight, and I would hope that in the future you could perhaps discuss your differences in a more… _civilized_ …manner.”

I blushed at that, and nodded. “Yes, Father.”

“Your mother has retired for the evening, so, ah, it is safe to come out, if you wish,” he said with a small smile.

I shook my head. “I think…we might spend the night at Mai’s house. Give both Mother and me some space to cool down.”

I wondered if I imagined the flicker of relief I saw cross my father’s face. He inclined his head. “If you wish.” He hesitated a moment, then added, “You had originally planned to stay two nights. Should we expect you for dinner tomorrow?”

Shizune and I exchanged a glance, then I said, “I’m not sure. We’ll let you know tomorrow.”

“Very well.” His posture slumped a little, and he sighed. “I’m sorry your first visit home in so long has been so contentious.”

“Me too. I’m sorry I…” I hesitated. I couldn’t honestly say I was sorry I had defended Shizune. Though perhaps I _could_ have done it a bit more calmly. I settled on, “I’m sorry I lost my temper.”

He put a hand on my shoulder. “Even so, it’s been good to see you. I’m glad to know you are doing well.” He turned and smiled at Shizune. “And I am pleased to have met you, Miss Hakamichi. I hope we can meet again someday soon, under less…stressful circumstances.”

“Thang you, sir. It was kood to meet you too.” They exchanged short bows, and my father let himself out.

Shizune had a faint smile on her face. [That was nice. I think I like your father.]

I nodded. [He’s always been the quieter one of the two. I’m just glad he’s being reasonable about…well, you.]

She nodded. [Shall we head out?]

I nodded back.

We’d barely unpacked anything, so it was the work of moments to pull things back together. Shizune paused with the beautifully gift-wrapped box of chocolates in her hand, which she hadn’t yet had a chance to present to my parents, and she looked at me inquiringly.

I sighed. [I don’t know. Maybe…wait until tomorrow evening, and if she’s being civil, give it to them then?]

[Or should we give it to Mai’s parents, for letting us spend the night?]

“Eh…” I considered that for a moment. [Her parents are more like relatives, almost. We’ve all spent so much time at each others’ houses,] I said, referring to Mai and Shin and Takumi. [On the other hand, I’ve never spent the night there.]

[Well, how likely do you think it is that we’ll be back here tomorrow?]

I scoffed and shook my head. [The way I feel right now? Not likely. It’s your gift. I’d vote to give it to Mai’s parents, if you don’t mind. They’re great people, her mother especially, and they deserve it. If we do come back here…we can pick up a bouquet or something on the way.]

Shizune nodded. [All right.]

I lugged our suitcase downstairs, and and we put on our coats and shoes. As I turned to close the door behind me, I paused, looking back into the house. When we first arrived, the place had felt a little strange, empty and almost foreign. Now, it felt even more alien to me. Unwelcoming. I wondered sadly when I would next speak with my mother again.

Shizune touched my arm, and as I turned to her, she gave me a sympathetic smile. [It’ll all work out eventually,] she said. [She just needs time.]

I nodded, then gave a little huff of laughter as an odd thought occurred to me. [Who could have guessed that I would last longer visiting with Jigoro than with my own parents?] I hadn’t even been here twelve hours, yet.

Shizune smiled. [See, maybe he’s not so bad after all.]

I waggled my hand side-to-side in a “so-so” gesture, and she laughed.

[Let’s go,] I said. [Mai’s apartment is just a few blocks that way.] I extended the suitcase’s handle and pulled it behind me, and we headed off.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're so used to it being the name of a game, I think we lose sight of the fact that "katawa" is a somewhat nasty slur...


	17. Chapter 17

Mai buzzed us in to the apartment building, and we crossed the small lobby to the elevators. Shizune gestured to a sign to the side of the elevators, which pointed down the hall toward a pool.

I took her meaning, but I shook my head. [I didn't bring a swimsuit.]

[Perhaps you can borrow one from Mr. Yasui?] she suggested.

I grinned. [No. I'd be swimming in the suit.]

[He's a large man?]

The elevator arrived and I pulled the suitcase on and pressed the button for Mai’s floor before replying. [Very. But also very quiet. Well, unless he's watching soccer. Mai plays, and I think he's the team’s number one fan.]

Shizune nodded approvingly. [It's good of him to support her. Not all fathers like athletic daughters.]

The elevator doors opened, and we got off. Before I could ring the doorbell, Shizune put a hand on my arm. “Wait. Am I pronouncin’ Yashui correctly?”

I hesitated. She was close enough that they probably wouldn't even notice, but Shizune relied on me to honestly correct her when she asked me to. [Almost. You slurred the “s” a little.]

She frowned, then said carefully, “Ya-sui. Yasui.”

I smiled. [Perfect.]

She smiled back, and pushed the doorbell.

Mai answered the door. [Hello,] she said with a smile, then she apparently exhausted her knowledge of sign from the afternoon’s impromptu lesson. “Come on in.”

“Thanks,” I said, and Shizune nodded in agreement. As we took off our shoes and hung up our coats, I quietly asked Mai, “Did you tell your parents why we were asking for asylum tonight?”

“Only in general terms. I said you’d had a fight with your mother.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Oh, and did you tell them that Shizune is deaf?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” We stepped from the entry foyer into the living room, where Mr. and Mrs. Yasui were sitting. Mrs. Yasui looked up first, and smiled broadly. “Hisao! It’s so good to see you. It’s been too long.” She rose from the couch, and Mr. Yasui likewise stood up, smiling but not saying anything.

I bowed to her, smiling. “Thank you, Mrs. Yasui. It is good to see you too. Mr. Yasui. Thank you for putting us up on such short notice.” I gestured to Shizune. “May I introduce my girlfriend, Shizune Hakamichi.”

Shizune bowed too, and said, “Hello, Mr. Yasui, Mrs. Yasui. Thang you for your hoshpitality.”

Mr. Yasui looked startled for a brief moment, but then he hid it. Perhaps he'd assumed she was mute as well as deaf. He smiled and said, “It is a pleasure to meet you.”

“Indeed. Mai has spoken highly of you,” Mrs. Yasui said. Shizune and I both shot Mai startled questioning looks at that, and Mai’s mouth twitched in a little smile.

“Mostly that anyone who can put up with Hisao must be a saint,” Mai said.

“Mai!” Mrs. Yasui scolded. “That's not _all_ you said!” I couldn’t help but notice her implication that Mai _had,_ in fact, said that. Shizune covered her mouth to hide her smile, and I rolled my eyes.

“Can we put our bags down somewhere out of the way?” I asked Mai for distraction.

“Sure, come on,” she said, heading down the hallway to the bedrooms. Shizune and I followed with our luggage. “You’ll be in Kisho’s old room,” she said to me, pointing to her brother’s room. “And Shizune can have Aimi’s bed in my room.” Mai and her sister had shared a room until Aimi had gone off to University a couple of years ago.

“Thant you for sharin’ your room,” Shizune said, when I got a chance to relay that information to her. “I hope I am not imposin’ too much.”

Mai waved this aside. “Nah, no problem. I’m sure you can’t snore as loudly as my sister did.”

“I have no idea,” Shizune said.

“She’s a quiet sleeper,” I assured Mai.

“Oh? And you know this, how, exactly?” she asked with a smirk.

I sighed. I’d walked right into that one. Shizune gave one of her silent giggles, then said, “Well, I have no idea if Hisao snores.”

“According to Shin he does,” Mai said. “Maybe you’re lucky you can’t hear him.” I tensed a little at the comment, but Shizune didn’t react.

“It does make a peaceful night’s sleep easier,” Shizune agreed amiably. Normally she’d have something biting to say about the supposed “advantages” to being deaf, but apparently she was trying to be polite to our host for tonight.

I set our bag down next to Aimi’s bed, and Shizune pulled out the gift box of chocolates.

“Should we give this now, or before we leave?” she asked.

“Now, I think.”

“Give what?” asked Mai. 

“A guesting gift for your folks,” I said.

Mai gave me a funny look. “We're a few years past that kind of thing, don’t you think?”

Shizune shook her head. “Hisao may be, but I've never met them. And he's never spent the night here, either.”

“I guess,” Mai said dubiously. “Well, maybe they'll share with me. Is it something yummy?”

Shizune smiled sweetly. “You'll just have to wait and shee.”

I dropped my book bag in Kisho’s old room. It looked like Mrs. Yasui’s sewing supplies were slowly taking over his room. But the bed was still there, which was all I needed.

We returned to the living room, and Shizune presented the gift-wrapped package to Mrs. Yasui. “It’s nothin’ special, but here is a little somethin’ to thang you for your hospitality.”

“Why, thank you, but that wasn't necessary,” said Mrs. Yasui with a smile as she accepted the box. “Hisao practically grew up here.”

“But I didn't, and wished to espress my gratitude in this small way,” Shizune replied, with a little bow.

“Well, thank you,” Mr. Yasui said. Mrs. Yasui put the box on a shelf beside the TV.

Mai dropped down on the couch, and Shizune sat, more gracefully, next to her. I sat in a chair across from her, nearer to Mr. and Mrs. Yasui, so Shizune could see my hands more easily as we talked with them.

“How are things at your new school, Hisao?” Mrs. Yasui asked me.

I smiled briefly at Shizune as I translated for her. “Well, I’ve certainly met some wonderful people. Such as Shizune.” They chuckled at that. “And my classes are going well.”

“You’re certainly looking healthy,” said Mrs. Yasui. “Is your new school being helpful in your recovery?”

I nodded. “There’s a full-time medical staff on the premises, and a pool. I’ve been swimming every morning to strengthen my heart.”

“And how go your studies, Shizune?” asked Mrs. Yasui, obviously wanting to include her in our conversation. “Are you feeling ready for exams?”

Shizune, Mai, and I all grimaced at that. “As ready as I gan, I shuppose,” Shizune replied. “I’ll be studyin’ up to the last minute, I’m sure.”

“Shizune is also taking the exams for Kyoto University,” I said proudly, a bit of bragging about her that I’d not had the chance to work into conversation with my parents. “And if anyone can get in, she can.” The Yasuis looked suitably impressed.

Shizune blushed, and waved away my compliment. “Nothin’ is certain. I have my hopes, but I don’t gount on it. I will apply several other places, too.”

“Yeah, I feel like I’m planning to apply _everywhere_ ,” Mai said. “I just hope someone will want me.”

“You’ll do fine, Mai-chan,” said her father, his quiet voice firm with confidence in her. She blushed, and ducked her head.

“Do you know what you want to study?” Shizune asked Mai.

Mai glanced at her parents, then said, “Sciences. Maybe neurology. But it’s a tough area to get into.”

“You’ll do fine,” Mrs. Yasui repeated her husband’s assurance.

Mai sighed. “Well, it won’t be for lack of preparation. I’ve got tutoring sessions every morning over break. Speaking of which, I need to finish my homework for tomorrow,” she said apologetically as she stood up.

“Of gourse,” Shizune said with a nod.

“Trust me, we know how that goes,” I assured her.

Shizune sent me a questioning look as Mai said good night to her parents, and I asked, [Do you mind if we stay and chat a while with her parents? I rather like them.]

Shizune nodded. [That’s fine.] Mr. Yasui noticed our flickering fingers, and he smiled at our covert conversation.

As the elder Yasuis settled back down after bidding Mai good night, Mrs. Yasui asked, “So, do you know what you want to study, Shizune?”

We chatted amiably about Yamaku, university plans, and life in general for almost an hour. They understood immediately the implications of Shizune’s accident, and how it limited her to have both hands restrained. It was comfortable and relaxing, pleasant in a way that conversation with my parents hadn’t been. They seemed genuinely interested in what we had to say, curious about how Yamaku was different from standard schools, interested in where we planned to go from here. It made me feel a little sad, that they were better hosts to Shizune than my mother had been, but I tried to push that melancholy aside and enjoy the conversation at hand.

Later, as I showed Shizune where the bathroom was and we prepared for bed, I said, [This is not at all how I had imagined our visit home to go.]

Shizune nodded sympathetically. She paused in brushing her teeth to free up her hand to speak, her toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. [But it turned into a pleasant evening nonetheless.]

[Yes. I’m just sorry we couldn’t have had a pleasant evening with my parents. But I’m glad you got to know the Yasuis a little. They were a large part of my childhood, especially Mrs. Yasui.]

Shizune nodded, rinsed, and put down her toothbrush. [They seem like lovely people. Mai is lucky to have them for parents.]

I gloomily reflected on how different they were from our own difficult parents, and had a moment of envy. [I should tell Mai stories of Jigoro, to make sure she appreciates her parents more fully,] I said, only half joking.

Shizune poked me in the arm. [You may _not_ hold up my father as a bad example! He may be…annoying…but he is still my father.]

I smiled at her. [Living proof that one can still love a parent while disagreeing with them,] I said, parroting her own statement from earlier in the evening.

[Indeed. Take some heart in that. Things will work out with your mother eventually.]

I sighed. [I certainly hope so.]

 

* * *

 

My medications sometimes induced sleepless nights, but I was pretty sure that my meds weren’t to blame for my inability to fall asleep that night. Despite the distraction of talking with Mai and her parents, my argument with my mother weighed heavily on me. I tossed and turned, my stomach churning, words playing over and over again in my mind. I kept thinking of things I could have said differently, or wondered if I could have made some other argument to win her over. The anger I’d felt while talking with her kept returning, disturbing my equanimity, and I spent several restless hours before giving up and getting out of bed. Sometimes a change of scenery could help settle me down enough to sleep.

I slipped out of Kisho’s bedroom and padded quietly to the living room. I was just reaching for a lamp to turn it on when Mai’s quiet voice said out of the darkness, “Leave it off, please.”

I jumped, my heart pounding at the surprise. “Shit! Are you _trying_ to give me another heart attack?” I hissed quietly.

There was a pause, as if she were waiting to see if I actually was having a heart attack, then she said, “Nah, you said you’ve been working out. You’re tough enough.”

I took a deep breath, settling my racing pulse. I sat down on the couch opposite the armchair where she sat. I could just make out her profile against the city lights coming in through the balcony glass doors. “What are you doing up this late?” I asked.

“I could ask you the same.”

“Some of the meds I have to take for my heart give me insomnia,” I said, omitting the emotional turmoil that was also a factor.

“That sucks.”

“Eh. I’m used to it. Or at least resigned to it. It’s increased my addiction to coffee rather significantly, however.”

She snorted. “I’ll bet.”

“What about you? Why are you up so late?”

She was quiet a long moment, then said, “Don’t laugh.”

“Why would I laugh?”

She sighed. “Because it’s such a cliché. I’m awake because I’m stressing out over the university exams.”

I repressed my impulse to chuckle sympathetically, afraid she’d take it the wrong way. “Is the tutoring helping you to feel any more confident?”

“Eh. More like, it seems to point out to me just how much I _don’t_ know. No matter how much I learn, it seems like there’s always more.”

“I know what you mean. We’ve set up study groups on different subjects at Yamaku to help us all get ready. Well, I say ‘we,’ but I mean the student council, which translates into Shizune, mostly. She’s the powerhouse behind it all.”

“Really? She takes the student council that seriously?”

At that, I had to laugh. “You have no idea. It’s how I got to know her in the first place. She and Misha dragged me into working with them on the council. Things just snowballed from there.”

“Misha?”

“She’s the vice-president, a sign interpreter, and our dear friend.”

“Sounds like a nice person.”

“Aside from her habit of nicknaming everyone something-chan, she’s great. Well, almost everyone. Her girlfriend refused to answer to ‘Shocchan.’”

“Girlfriend?”

I silently cursed my insomnia-addled brain, then sighed. It wasn’t as if Mai was ever likely to meet Misha. “Uh, yeah. Girlfriend.” I smiled into the darkness. “They actually started dating because I accidentally outed Misha to Shori. Much to Shori’s delight.”

“Shori being the girlfriend?”

“Yeah.” I shook my head. “It's kinda strange. I’ve never known any lesbians before, and now I know two.”

After a long silence, Mai said quietly, “Three, actually.”

“Eh?” I was groggy enough that I had to think about that statement for a few moments to figure out who she was talking about. “Oh. _Oh!”_

“Though I’d appreciate it if you didn’t accidentally out me, too.”

“Of course not. It was an…unusual circumstance, with Misha.”

“How so?”

“I was talking with Misha in sign for privacy, and I forgot that Shori was in the room and could understand me. She’s also deaf.”

“You have a lot of deaf friends.”

“Well, I _do_ attend a school for the physically handicapped,” I said drily. “It would almost be odder if I didn’t.” I squinted through the darkness at her shadowed form, wondering if I was imagining her tense posture. I tried to think of something to say that didn’t sound too stilted or trite. I finally settled on, “Thank you for trusting me with that information,” managing to sound both stilted _and_ trite.

She just grunted, sounding startled by my response, but her shoulders dropped a centimeter or two.

“Does anyone else know?”

“Kisho. And Shin. I think Shin figured it out before I did, actually. He was the first to say anything about it, anyway.”

“Wow. When was that?”

“Um…” Mai was silent for a moment. “About three, four years ago, I guess?”

Huh. I had never suspected. And I was amazed that Shin had never dropped a single hint or comment about her preferences. I hadn’t known he was capable of that kind of discretion.

Although Mai was a bit of a tomboy, always hanging out with Shin and Takumi and me, I’d never thought she might be inclined towards girls. She’d certainly never expressed any interest in any that I could recall. But nor had she ever shown any interest in guys, if you didn’t count us three.

“Why didn’t you tell me until now?”

She gave a bitter laugh. “Don’t be naïve, Hisao.”

“Sorry, I guess I should have phrased that, why did you choose to finally tell me _now_?”

“Ah. I guess…I’m tired of the hiding from my friends. And you said Misha was a dear friend. And you didn’t sound like you disapproved of her when talking about her and her girlfriend.” She chuckled. “You actually sounded kind of proud about getting them together.”

I smiled at that. “Yeah, I was extremely grateful that that turned out okay. I thought _Misha_ was going to have a heart attack when Shori walked up to us and joined our conversation.”

“I’ll bet.”

“Have you…um…found anyone to date?” I asked tentatively.

She sighed. “Nah. I thought maybe…well, never mind.”

“Not to be stereotypical, but is there no one on the soccer team?”

She chuckled. “Yeah, there are definitely a few others on the team, but no one I’m interested in dating.” She shrugged. “Maybe I could have found someone if I spent more time with other girls, instead of always hanging out with you three idiots.”

“And Iwanako.”

“Yeah, but she’s neither an idiot nor gay.”

I chuckled. “Lucky for Shin.”

“Oh, yeah.”

“Shin said you pushed them together.”

“Yeah, well, I guess I can’t blame her for being gun-shy about dating after what happened with you, but watching the two of them trying to flirt-not-flirt with each other was just…painful. I had to do something. For my own sanity, if nothing else. And it’s nice to see two of my friends happy together.” She sounded a little wistful.

“You’ll find someone someday. You’re too nice a person not to,” I said, trying to be encouraging.

“Thanks. Maybe at university.” She yawned. “Well, at least you’ve managed to distract me from my exams by making me brood about my love life. Or lack thereof.” She stood up, and patted me on the shoulder as she walked past me. “G’night, Hisao.”

“Good night, Mai. Thanks again for letting us stay here.”

“No prob.”

After she left, I just sat in the dark a while, distracting myself from thoughts of my argument with my mother by thinking about Mai. Years of her hanging out with me and Shin and Takumi, her always being just ‘one of the guys,’ suddenly took on a different cast. I’d always assumed that her teasing and arguing with Shin hid a romantic core, but upon reflection, there had never been any flirtatious elements to their banter. Just joking around, much as the rest of us did. I wondered about her playing match-maker, hooking up Iwanako and me, or Iwanako and Shin. Was she living out her frustrated romantic impulses vicariously?

I shook my head. Now I was getting silly. She just liked her friends to be happy, like she’d said. I heaved myself up off the couch, and staggered back to bed. I felt like I could finally sleep, and maybe get a few hours of rest before the new day.

 

* * *

 

I’d planned to wake up in time to say goodbye to Mai before she set out to her tutoring session, but I awoke a couple of hours too late. I pulled on clothes and staggered out, to find Shizune and Mrs. Yasui sitting in the living room. Shizune was sitting cross-legged on the couch, writing something on her laptop, and Mrs. Yasui was working on some needlework while watching TV. “Good morning,” I said to Mrs. Yasui, feeling abashed at rising so late. Shizune must have noticed some motion out of the corner of her eye, because she looked up, and I repeated my greeting in sign.

“Good morning. Mai said you’d had problems sleeping last night, so we let you sleep in,” Mrs. Yasui said. She put aside her needlework and rose. “Would you care for a cup of tea?”

“Yes, thank you, but I can get it,” I protested. I’d spent enough time at Mai’s house over the years to know where things were in their kitchen.

“I was just about to get up and prepare a cup for myself,” she said. “Could you ask Shizune if she’d like some?” she asked as she entered the kitchen.

I sat down on the couch next to Shizune and relayed the question to her.

She closed her laptop and glanced towards the kitchen. [Would it be polite to accept, do you think?]

I shook my head. [I don’t think it matters to her one way or the other. She’s always been a very informal and comfortable person. The easiest parent to get along with, in our circle of friends.]

[Then, no, thank you.]

“Shizune says, thank you, but no,” I called to Mrs. Yasui.

“All right.”

[So you had problems sleeping?] Shizune asked.

[Yeah.]

[Your medications, or the argument?]

I sighed. [Both. Well…mostly the argument, I guess.]

[Understandable. Did you come to any conclusions or have any insights about the conversation?]

I shook my head. [Mostly just brooding, wondering what I could have said better. Mostly…just wondering how my mother can be so wrong-headed about this. About you.] I nodded toward her laptop, wanting to think about something else [What were you writing?]

[Just working on some practice essay questions.] I felt a little stab of guilt, realizing that I hadn’t studied as much over break as I’d virtuously planned.

Shizune tilted her head toward the kitchen. [I think Mrs. Yasui has a question.]

I turned to see her standing in the kitchen doorway, watching us with curiosity on her face.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there,” I said and signed. “Did you need something?”

“No, I just wanted to ask you if you like furikake on your tamago gohan.”

“I can prepare my own breakfast,” I protested. “You don’t need to wait on me.”

She smiled and shook her head. “It’s no trouble to crack an egg into some rice. I’m happy to do it for you.”

I hesitated, feeling awkward. I was in an odd sort of liminal state, of being a guest but also not quite a guest. I’d spent so much time at the Yasuis’ apartment over the years that it was practically a second home in some ways, and I felt like I should fend for myself instead of making Mrs. Yasui cook for me.

Shizune seemed to sense my unease, because she said, “Would you mind if I helped? It sheems everyone maze tama’o gohan a little differently. I would lite to know how you do it.”

Mrs. Yasui smiled and nodded, and Shizune and I joined her in the kitchen. I'd thought that Shizune was making a somewhat feeble pretense, but I was surprised to find that Mrs. Yasui’s recipe was different from my own simple “crack an egg over hot rice and stir.” She separated the egg first, and beat the whites and yolk separately before adding them to the rice with dash of soy and a pinch of MSG. She handed the completed dish to me along with a container of furikake for seasoning.

As I sat at the table, there was also a cup of miso soup and a slab of delicious looking bread already set out, and the cup of tea appeared moments later.

“Itadakimasu _,_ ” I said, sincerely grateful for the meal.

Mrs. Yasui smiled and sat down with me, and Shizune joined us. “It is no problem at all,” she said.

My hands busy with eating, I wasn’t able to sign for Shizune. Mrs. Yasui seemed to recognize this, because she touched Shizune’s forearm gently to get her attention before speaking. “Did you have any plans for today?”

Shizune glanced at me, and shook her head. “Nothin’ formal. I mostly wanted to shee more of where Hisao grew up. Wander the city.”

When initially planning this trip, I’d had vague fantasies of spending most of the day with Shizune, making love in my old bed where so many imaginary trysts had taken place in my past, but that didn’t seem like it was going to happen. And that certainly wasn’t something I could share with Mrs. Yasui. “We might see if Mai or any of the others want to join us,” I said.

“And do you think you’ll be joining us for dinner? You’re most certainly welcome, I just need to know how many I’ll be cooking for.”

I hesitated, taking another mouthful of food to give myself time to think. Shizune kept silent, leaving the question to me.

Mrs. Yasui gave me a sympathetic smile. “Arguments with one’s parents can be difficult. And it can be hard to know when it’s better to speak, and when it’s better to give people space to think.”

I nodded, appreciating her understanding.

“Mai implied that the difficulty stemmed from your mother’s lack of…acceptance…of your relationship.”

I looked at Shizune, wondering if she would mind my discussing this with Mrs. Yasui. But her expression was neutral, giving me no hint. Once, I would have thought that meant she disapproved, but I’d come to realize over time that it was her way of letting me make my own decisions, without her input. So, since she had no strong objections, I opted to open up a little about what was troubling me. Or rather, _us_. Mrs. Yasui had always been easy to talk with, and understanding, for an adult. I put down my soup spoon, and resumed signing as I spoke.

“Not so much the relationship, I don’t think. It was more…” I paused to take a breath, still upset enough that speaking it out loud was difficult. “It was Shizune herself. Or rather, the fact that she’s deaf.”

“Ah.” Mrs. Yasui nodded, looking a little sad. “That is unfortunate. It shows a certain…lack of vision.” Which I was pretty sure was the most polite way of saying “small minded” that I’d ever heard.

I grimaced. “Yeah. I don’t know if it’s…I’ve never _seen_ her being prejudiced against deaf people, but…” I glanced at Shizune and shrugged. “But I’ve never seen her interact with any before, either, so what would I know? Actually, I’ve not seen her interact with many people of _any_ sort. I don’t know how accepting she is of peoples’ differences in general, not just handicaps.” That thought just depressed me even more. I was realizing that I didn’t know my mother all that well.

Mrs. Yasui said slowly, “I cannot claim to be a close friend of your mother’s. But from the little I know her, she’s always struck me as fairly…traditional. Conservative, in many ways.”

“I would thing a traditional woman would have stayed at home, not work,” Shizune observed.

“Well, no-one can be described by one word. If we did, _I_ might be described as traditional, simply because I don’t work outside of the home,” Mrs. Yasui said with a small smile.

I grinned at that. Shizune, who didn’t know Mrs. Yasui as well, arched an eyebrow at my reaction, but didn’t argue.

“But I’m certain that I don’t have to tell _you_ that people can often be…uncomfortable with, and unaccepting of, people with differences. Especially visible differences.” She looked down for a moment, then said softly, “My brother had cerebral palsy. His life was difficult enough because of his condition, but…it was even harder when he tried to venture out into the world.”

I was startled. Mai had never mentioned an uncle on her mother’s side, and I couldn’t help notice that Mrs. Yasui referred to him in the past tense. But I didn’t feel comfortable asking for details.

After a moment of silence, Shizune said, “One of the possible gareer paths I’m gonsidering is working in disability advocacy. I know there is much that needs to be done in that area. But…” she grimaced. “This is personal. Not societal. I don’t want to be estranged from Hisao’s family. He’s too important to me.”

I felt a little blush of happiness at that last statement. “It’s not my _whole_ family; I believe my father quite likes you.”

“And hopefully he can be an advocate for you,” Mrs. Yasui said. “It may take time, but he may be able to convince her to give you a chance.”

“A chance ish all I want,” Shizune said.

“I think she just needs to get to know you better,” Mrs. Yasui said. “In the few hours that I’ve spent talking with you, I’ve been…suitably impressed. I know _I_ would be most pleased if any of my children brought you home and introduced you as their partner.”

Shizune smiled. “Thang you. But in order for her to ket to know me better, she needs to _talk_ with me.”

Mrs. Yasui pursed her lips for a moment, then said, “She doesn’t need to be limited to talking with you. Hisao can also tell her about you. For instance, how much did you tell your parents about Shizune before you came to visit?”

“Well…not much,” I conceded. “That she was my girlfriend, that she was deaf, that she was the president of the student council. You know. Basic things.”

“Yes, your mother _has_ mentioned the dearth of communication from you. The couple of times I’ve seen her since you went away to school. Perhaps if you wrote home more often, telling your parents about what you are doing—what you _both_ are doing—she might get to know Shizune more gradually. Come to see her virtues, as seen through your eyes.”

Shizune nodded at the idea, and looked expectantly at me. I blushed at the reminder that I had been a less-than-dutiful correspondent with my parents. “That…could work,” I agreed. Then I groaned. “I’ll just add a weekly letter home on top of all my exam prep and tutoring and studies.”

“Think of it as a long-term investment in the relationship between your parents and Shizune. Surely that is worth twenty minutes of your time, now and again.”

“I should hope sho,” said Shizune, with an arch look at me.

“Yes, yes, it certainly is,” I hastened to agree. “All right. Thank you, Mrs. Yasui. That’s a good idea.”

She nodded. “In the meantime, do you wish to have dinner with them tonight?”

Shizune and I exchanged a look, then I said to Mrs. Yausi, “Would you pardon us if we spoke privately for a moment?”

“Not at all,” she said, beginning to rise.

“You don’t need to leave,” I said with a smile. “But thank you.”

[What do you want to do?] I asked Shizune. Mrs. Yasui sat back down and watched us, apparently curious to observe sign language, even if she couldn’t follow our conversation.

[My impulse is always to push forward, to try again,] Shizune replied. [But I would defer to your judgement as to whether or not this is the best idea.]

I thought a moment. [I…am still quite angry. I don’t know if I could be civil with her if she started to be rude again. I would _try_ to be polite, for your sake, but…] I grimaced. [I’m not sure I could make any promises.]

[Then, we should wait?]

I nodded. [I think that would be best. Unless you felt strongly otherwise.]

[No. As I said, I’ll trust your judgement.]

[Thank you. I _want_ my mother to get to know you, to value you, but I think Mrs. Yasui is right. It might work better over a long haul, with letters and my father’s persuasion.]

[Very well. So, dinner here tonight.]

“Thank you, Mrs. Yasui. If you truly don’t mind, we would appreciate joining you for dinner tonight.”

“Of course I don’t mind. I’m used to cooking for five, after all.”

After finishing my meal, I cleaned up in the kitchen, ignoring Mrs. Yasui’s protestations that that wasn’t necessary. I downed my morning ration of pills, changed into clean clothes, and Shizune and I set out to explore the city of my youth.

 

* * *

 

I called my father at what I thought was his lunch hour, hoping to get a chance to talk with him, but my call went to voicemail. I left a brief message telling him that we wouldn’t be home for dinner, and we would be leaving town tomorrow morning.

Shortly after dinner, as we sat in the living room chatting, my mother called. I excused myself and went to Kisho’s room to take the call.

“Hello, Mother,” I said, trying to sound at least moderately upbeat.

“Hikkun! Your father tells me we won’t get to see you again before you leave.”

“Well…yes, that’s true,” I said. “We’re catching the nine-eighteen train tomorrow morning.”

“But I didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to you.”

I thought that maybe here was a way to do just a little bit of bridge building, connecting. “We could come over to visit for a while, and say our goodbyes,” I offered hopefully.

“We? I meant… _you._ You certainly don’t need to trouble Shizune with coming out for such a little thing.”

I tried to tamp down the surge of anger that her words provoked. “It’s no trouble at all. We like to take walks together,” I said evenly.

“Well, yes, but…” my mother trailed off.

After a moment of tense silence, I said tiredly, “Perhaps it would be best if we just said our goodbyes now. I hope I’ll see you again in a couple of months when exams are over.”

“You _hope?_ Where else would you go?”

I had no answer for that, but I knew I might not want to go home if things hadn’t improved between us by then. “We’ll see. I hope to see you then,” I reiterated, making no promises. “Give my love to Dad.” I hesitated, then added, “I love you, Mom. I’ll try to write home more often, okay?”

She seemed to accept that offer as an olive branch, because she didn’t argue. “I love you too. Have a safe trip back to school.”

“We will. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

I hung up, and stared at my phone for a long moment before sighing and heading back to the living room.

Later, as we prepared to turn in for the evening, I went with Shizune to Mai’s room, to grab clean clothing for tomorrow from the suitcase we’d left in her room. I asked Shizune, [Would you mind if I talked privately with Mai for a moment?]

She looked a little surprised, but didn’t question me about it. [No, that’s fine. Do you want me to leave?]

[No, I just won’t sign.]

She gave me a small smile. [And I won’t read your lips.]

[Thanks.]

Mai was looking at our silent conversation curiously. “What’s that about?”

“I was just asking Shizune if I could talk to you privately for a moment,” I said, for once not signing my words as I spoke.

“Oh. About what?”

I took a breath. “I haven’t told her you’re gay, and I wondered if it would be all right with you if I did.”

Mai glanced nervously at her door, as if to make sure it was closed. “But didn’t you just…oh. Right.” She looked at Shizune, who was busying herself with getting things from the suitcase as we talked. “This feels weird.”

I shrugged. “Yeah, but you get used to it. I confess, the first few times Misha and I talked about her behind her back, I kept expecting her to turn around and say, ‘Surprise! I was just pretending to be deaf!’ But that didn’t happen.”

Mai laughed briefly, then sobered. “Why do you want to tell her I’m gay? I mean, I appreciate your discretion, but why tell her?”

“I want her take on something your mother said today, is all.”

“My mother?” Mai said blankly. “What does that have to do with…”

“That’s what I want to ask her about. Make sure I wasn’t imagining something.” I paused, then when she didn’t seem convinced, I added, “She’s not at all homophobic. Like I told you, our best friend is Misha, and we spend a lot of time with her and Shori.”

Mai stared at Shizune, who was quietly repacking our suitcase in preparation for leaving tomorrow. “I guess…” She shrugged. “Oh, what the hell. Go for it.”

“Thanks.” I turned to Shizune and touched her arm to get her attention. “Thanks, we’re done,” I said and signed.

Shizune nodded. “Ogay. Gan I ask what that was about?”

I flicked a glance at Mai, then said, “I was just asking for her permission to tell you that she’s a lesbian.”

Shizune looked puzzled. “Was that supposed to be a segret?”

Mai looked more shocked than I did, but we both gaped at Shizune. “Yes?” I said hesitantly.

“Oh.” Shizune suddenly looked nervous. “Have you told your mother?”

“ _No!”_ Mai exclaimed, her eyes wide.

“Oh. I’m sorry, I…” Shizune paused, and visibly collected her thoughts. “I may owe you an apolozhy. I was talking with your mother about you this mornin’, and I asked her if you had a girlfriend. She said, not that she knew of.”

Mai looked like she was about to faint. Or throw up. She sat down hard on the edge of her bed, and stared up at Shizune. “Wh…what else did she say?”

Shizune shrugged uncomfortably. “Just that you hadn’t dated anyone so far, but she hoped you might find a nice girl at university.”

Mai’s mouth dropped open, and she looked like she was struggling not to hyperventilate. “She said _that?”_ she squeaked.

Shizune nodded. “I don’t thing it’s as segret as you think it is. She seemed quite…asseptin’ of the notion.”

Mai stared at her for a long moment, then she buried her face in her hands and burst into tears. Shizune shot me a slightly panicked look, and I sat down next to Mai on her bed. After a moment, Shizune sat on her other side.

“I can’t _believe_ she knows,” Mai mumbled through her hands. “I was always so _careful_.”

I placed a tentative hand on her shoulder, trying to be comforting. “Maybe you didn’t have to be so careful after all,” I offered. Shizune was watching Mai, not hearing us, but she seemed willing to wait to catch up. I wrapped my arm around Mai’s shoulders, and gave her an awkward sideways hug. “This is a good thing, right?” I asked tentatively. “I mean, it sounds like she’s okay with your…preferences.”

“Yeah, but…” Mai took a deep breath, and lifted her head from her hands. She swiped at her tears with the back of her hand, and Shizune handed her a tissue from a box on the bedside table. “Thanks.” She glanced at Shizune, then repeated, [Thanks.] Shizune smiled and nodded in reply. That made at least two words in sign that Mai remembered.

I dropped my arm from around Mai’s shoulders, then pivoted sideways a little so I could face Shizune, and resumed interpreting. “This is a good thing, right?” I repeated.

Mai sighed. “I suppose.” She pressed the heels of her palms into her eye sockets for a moment, then dropped her hands. “It’s just…if Shizune is right, then I’ve been…worried and in the closet for no reason.”

Shizune said slowly, “I don’t thing I was misinterpretin’ your mother’s words, though of gourse I can’t hear tone of voice.”

“But it fits with something else she said over breakfast,” I put in. “Which was what I wanted to ask Shizune about.”

“What was that?” Shizune asked.

“She said she’d be happy if any of her children brought Shizune home and introduced them as their partner. She didn’t say it like she meant ‘some _boy_ like Shizune;’ it seemed more like she actually meant, Shizune herself.”

“And ‘partner’ is an awfully zender-neutral word,” Shizune observed. “You’re right. I didn’t partigularly notice that phrase at the time, but, I didn’t know Mai was in the closet either, so I wasn’t lookin’ for it.” She looked thoughtful, then nodded. “I really don’t thing you have anythin’ to worry about,” she said to Mai. “At least where your mother is goncerned.”

Mai deflated a little at that. “I don’t even want to _think_ about my father’s reaction right now. One crisis at a time, please.”

I chuckled. “All right. But it doesn’t sound like this is a crisis, really.”

“Yeah.” She stared at the floor, a brooding expression on her face.

“Will you talg with her about it tonight?” Shizune asked.

Mai shuddered, and looked up. “No. I…think I need to think about this a little. Maybe talk with my brother about it first.”

I nodded. “All right. But let us know how it turns out when you do, okay?”

Mai gave me a tense, nervous smile. “Sure. Sure. _Whenever_ that might be.”

Shizune laid a hand on her arm, drawing Mai’s attention to her. “You made it sound lite living in the gloset has been uncomfortable for you. Don’t wait too lawn to talk with your mother. I really don’t thing you have mush to worry about.”

Mai gave Shizune a sour look, but then she sighed and shook her head. “I suppose I can’t even say you outed me, since it sounds like she already knew.”

“Yeah. Your mother is a pretty cool person, Mai. You’re lucky to have her, and I think she’d be just fine with you, no matter what your orientation.”

She snorted. “Easy for _you_ to say.”

I arched an eyebrow at her. “I forget. Why am I sleeping in your apartment tonight? You wanna swap mothers?”

Mai rolled her eyes and waved that away. “Sorry, right, I guess we all have our mommy issues.”

“Yeah, but…your mom is a lot…” I hesitated, then admitted, “ _Nicer_ than mine. And more accepting.” I grimaced. “Honestly, I envy you your mother. I mean, both your parents are pretty nice, but your mom is especially so.”

“Yeah…” She ran a hand back through her short hair, then blew out a breath and sat up straighter, shaking her head as if to clear it out a bit. “Thanks. I’ll talk with her soon, I just want to talk with Kisho first, get his take on things.”

I was a little sorry I wouldn’t get to see what I expected would be a happy resolution to the situation, but it was most definitely Mai’s call. “All right. Feel free to call us if you need someone to talk to about things.”

“Well, text me,” Shizune corrected.

“Right, phone calls with Shizune tend to be pretty one-sided,” I said, which earned me a light punch on the arm from my girlfriend as we laughed.

We made our ways to our respective beds, and I was pleased that this time I fell asleep in fairly short order.

 

 

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

We went from Mai’s place to Shizune’s house. For what turned out to be a surprisingly uneventful visit. Jigoro was still brash, loud, and annoying but…somehow, knowing a little bit of his history, I found him easier to take. Not _pleasant_ , mind you, but nowhere near as annoying. Even when he called me a “sweater-vested little twit,” I just smiled blandly and nodded. Which I think threw him off-balance more than any other response I could have given him.

Later, when we were alone, Shizune asked me, [Why does my father’s hostility upset you less than your mother’s?]

I had to think about that for a moment. It was true, Jigoro was certainly more overtly hostile to me than my mother had been to Shizune, but he was nowhere near as upsetting. [Partly because, I expected better of her. I’d never seen her act like that before. But with Jigoro, it’s just the way he is. He treats me no differently than he does you, or Hideaki, or the Satous. In a way, it’s like being accepted into your family.]

Shizune gave a silent laugh. [So, you’d feel less accepted if he were kind and sweet to you?]

I snorted. [I’d rush him to a hospital to get checked for a stroke if he were ever sweet to me.]

[True.]

[In his own way, though, I think he _is_ being sweet. To you. Watching out for you, trying to make sure that I’m good enough for you. I’m pretty sure he’d be the same with _any_ guy you brought home. So, it’s nothing personal, and I don’t take it personally. Whereas my mother…] I grimaced. [She was just being prejudiced against your deafness. Being small-minded. She wasn’t reacting to _you_ , just your disability.]

Shizune nodded. [Which may also be why she doesn’t upset me as much as she does you. Because she’s not reacting to _me_ , personally. Just my deafness. And I’ve been dealing with flak about that all my life.]

I realized I didn’t really know that much about her childhood, and what kind of “flak” she’d dealt with. Most of the stories of her youth I’d heard were about her mother, or stories about her and Hideaki, or the Satous.

[But for all that…] I mused slowly. [Jigoro knows me better than my mother knows you. He may not _like_ me, but nor has he banned me from your house. It’s not exactly approval, but grudging acceptance may be as close as I’m going to get from him. For now.]

[Well, lucky for you, I’m a modern woman, and don’t require the approval of my father to date you,] Shizune said with a smirk.

I smiled back. [Nor I my mother’s, and yet…] I sighed. [It _would_ be nice to have it…]

She considered that for a moment, then nodded. [But at least your father approves of me. And I’m sure my mother would have approved of you, too. So we’re at fifty percent.]

[It can only go up from here, right?] I asked wryly.

[Right.]

We spent the next afternoon wandering a nearby mall with Hideaki, and he was overjoyed when Shizune bought him a brilliant pink floral shirt he’d been coveting. I thought it was garish beyond all reason, but he liked it.

Later that evening, I asked Shizune, [So...do you think your brother is gay?]

She shook her head. [No. I think he just likes pretty things.] She grinned. [And I think he also likes annoying Father.]

I snorted at that. [Always a worthwhile objective,] I agreed.

[I’ve observed him watching pretty girls, and he doesn’t give pretty boys the same attention. His body language seems fairly straight.]

I blinked, making a connection [So, is that how you knew Shori was interested in Misha? Body language?]

Shizune smiled. [I speak with my hands and my body. _Shori’s_ body language was saying ‘I want me some of that pink haired goodness,’ plain as day.] I laughed at her phrasing, and she giggled too.

I lifted her good hand to my lips and kissed it. Releasing it, I asked, [What does _my_ body language say to you?]

She smirked. [That you want a repeat of the last time we stayed here?]

I leered back. [Almost. Maybe without the ropes, at least until you get out of your cast.]

She gave a melodramatic sigh. [If you insist.] Then she cocked her head at me. [Are you saying you’d like to try it _with_ the ropes again, someday?]

I felt myself blushing, but I nodded. [It _was_ rather memorable. A formative experience, you might say.]

She licked her lips. [Damn. Now I have even _more_ reasons to find this cast annoying.]

I kissed the side of her neck, making her gasp. Pulling back, I said, [Good things come to those who wait.]

She kissed me back, firmly, then said, “Good things come now, too.”

And we did.

 

* * *

 

Upon our return to Yamaku, we entered the final prep for the National Center Test for University Admissions, a.k.a. the Center Test. Third year students had no more formal classes, just “free” time to study and cram. And fret. I had been a little afraid that the student council would somehow be involved in setting things up for the Center Tests, stealing more of my free time, but fortunately, since it was an official, nationwide event, the school managed everything.

Most students in Japan had to travel to testing centers to take the Center Test, but because of the special needs of our student body, our school had been designated a testing center. Which meant that, in addition to our own third year class, we would also have students from several nearby high schools taking the tests with us. A thought which made me unaccountably nervous. I worried that these outsiders might look down on or be repulsed by my classmates. Since I had an invisible disability, I wouldn’t be subject to as much of that kind of judgement or scrutiny myself, but I found I felt protective of my fellow students. We were just high school students too, stressing out over trying to get into a good university. The fact that some of us were missing limbs, or were wheelchair bound, or deaf, or blind, did nothing to alter that.

We continued working with our study groups. I felt a renewed sense of determination to make sure that anyone who studied with me would pass the science portion of their exams. I pulled a couple of classmates aside for some one-on-one tutoring, trying to get them fully up to speed. Likewise, Lilly worked with me individually several times, and for the first time in my life, I actually felt somewhat confident in my English abilities. Or at least in my ability to pass the tests, if not converse at length with a native English speaker.

The hours I spent studying kept increasing, and my already erratic sleep patterns suffered for it. Once, I slept through my morning swim session because I was so exhausted I didn’t even hear my alarms. But when Shizune found out what I had done…well, she made sure that I didn’t repeat that mistake.

We were in my room studying. When I mentioned I’d slept in that morning, she glared at me. [Your test scores won't matter if you drop dead the next day.] I thought that that was overstating the magnitude of my missing one day of exercise, but she was adamant. [You need to build good habits. Missing your workouts for most of winter break was bad enough, but you need to make it part of your daily routine. Wake up, brush teeth, take meds, swim. _Every_ morning.]

I saluted her. “Yes, _ma’am_.” For some reason she looked unamused by that. [I will,] I added placatingly. [I promise.]

Her glare softened slightly, and she regarded me with a twinkle in her eyes. [Good. Remember, you're not allowed to die until I give you permission.]

 _That_ seemed like a particularly morbid way to put it, but I snorted and nodded. Then a mental image of me lying on my deathbed popped into my mind. Me waiting for Shizune to show up and tell me I could go, but she’d died before me and so I couldn’t die…

I shuddered and shook my head, trying to banish the macabre image. “Whas wron?” she asked, frowning at me.

I shook my head again, and pulled her close into a tight hug. “Don’t you go dying on _me_ ,” I whispered, despite knowing full well she couldn’t hear me. After a long hug, I released her, and tried to smile at her. I rubbed the side of my thumb along my scar and said, “Jokes about dying…” I hesitated, unsure of how to phrase my feelings.

Her face fell. She hugged me again, and said, “Sorry.”

This time I waited to speak until we’d parted again, so she could hear me. [I don’t ever want to leave you. I don’t ever want you to leave _me_.] I stared into her beautiful blue eyes, willing her to see the depth of feeling that I didn’t have the words to properly express.

Some of what I was feeling must have gotten through, because she gave me an unusually warm smile. [I love you,] she said.

I smiled back. [Of course you do.] She rolled her eyes, and I added, [I love you too.]

She hugged me tight for another minute, then we reluctantly broke apart and looked at the perpetually waiting stack of review questions waiting for us on my desk. I sighed.

[Time and exams wait for no man,] I said, mangling the proverb. Shizune nodded, and we returned to our books.

 

* * *

 

A few days after we got back to Yamaku, I got an email from Mai.

 

> _Hey, Hisao, hope you’re having as much fun as me preparing for the Center Test_ ( ⊙ _ ◎ )
> 
> _I just wanted to let you know that things with my mother went well. Even went well with my father, much to my amazement._ L( ・ o ・ ) 」 _Apparently,_ **_they_ ** _figured out I was gay a year or so ago, & were just waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to tell them. Sheesh. They coulda said something & saved me a couple of years of stress…_
> 
> _So thank Shizune for breaking the ice for us, & thanks for your support too _(• ‿ •)
> 
> _Good luck on your exams!_
> 
> _—Mai_

 

[I’m happy for her it went well, though I was confident it would,] Shizune commented after reading it.

[Yeah, me too,] I said. [Her parents are great.]

[Speaking of parents, and emails…] Shizune arched an inquisitive eyebrow at me.

I sighed. [I’ll write home tonight.] Step one in my campaign to win my mother over to Shizune. Or to at least accepting her.

Shizune gave me a teasing smile. [I’m sure it will come as a welcome break from memorizing historical dates.]

I groaned, and we returned to our studies.

 

* * *

 

After our first week of intensive studying, Misha, Shori, and I convinced Shizune that we deserved a small break.

[You need to rest your brain occasionally, Shicchan!] Misha admonished. [It won’t be useful to burn out before the tests.]

[Just a couple of hours,] Shori added. [Just dinner at the Shanghai.]

Shizune didn’t need too much persuading. Although she had more drive than the other three of us put together, she _did_ have her limits. Like almost every other third year student, she had dark circles under her eyes. [Very well. But _just_ two hours,] she agreed.

I thought getting her away from her books for a full two hours was optimistic, given her drive to study, but I’d take what we could get.

During the walk down the hill to the Shanghai, Misha and I were the only ones who could conveniently converse. “How are you holding up?” I asked her. I had barely seen her since winter break, aside from a couple of lunches and our science tutoring sessions.

Misha gave a hollow sounding laugh that was light-years removed from her usual carefree _wahaha._ “I don’t think I’ve ever studied so hard in my _life_ ,” she groaned. “Honestly, I had kind of pinned all my hopes on getting into an American school, and hadn’t planned on studying this hard. But Shori…” She glanced sideways at her girlfriend.

“She’s studying hard?”

Misha sighed. “Yeah. And dragging me along with her. I mean, I _know_ it’s a good thing, to do better on the tests, but…it’s _exhausting_.”

“Do you _want_ to get into a Japanese university?” I asked curiously.

Misha’s eyes flicked briefly over to Shori again, and she grimaced. “I don’t know, Hicchan. I’ve dreamed so long about studying in America, but…”

“But you want to stay with Shori?”

She sighed, sounding miserable. “Kinda? Yeah.”

“That’s a hard choice.”

“Yeah.” She shook her head, and plastered a smile onto her face. “But, that’s in the future. Who knows what schools I will or won’t get into? The choice might be made for me.”

I thought that her ambivalence spoke volumes about her _real_ desires, but I didn’t push it.

Over dinner, we talked about what we’d all done over winter break. Shizune and I skipped over the ugliness with my mother, and entertained them with Mai’s coming out story.

Misha sighed. “It must be nice to have such understanding parents.”

I shot her a curious look. [Have you told your parents you’re gay?]

Misha shrugged. [Kinda? I mean, I didn’t ever _tell_ them tell them, it’s just always been kinda _known_ , but my mother just keeps referring to it as a phase I’m going through. And my daddy just ignores it.]

“Oh.” That seemed kind of sad, though I guessed it was better than being kicked out of the family.

Shori shook her head. [I’ll probably tell my parents the day after I get married. Or maybe the day after they pass away.]

[Not the most liberal-minded of parents?] Shizune asked.

Shori snorted. [Hardly. It’s bad enough that I’m a giantess who dresses in lacy black.] She grimaced, then smiled at Misha. [Being away from home, at Yamaku, has been freeing, in so many ways.]

I wondered how my parents would react if I told them I was gay. Up until recently, I would have guessed that they’d be surprised but accepting. But given my mother’s recent behavior, I was no longer so sure of that.

Well, it was a highly theoretical point, anyway.

 

* * *

 

It felt like just a couple of days had passed since winter break ended when the final week before the Center Test arrived. The tests would be two days at the end of the week, Saturday and Sunday. In some ways it felt surreal that our futures could be decided in such a short span of time.

Oddly enough, it wasn’t myself that I felt had run out of time. I mean, I’m sure I could have benefitted from a few more days—weeks, even—of studying history and geography, but I was more worried about the students I had been tutoring in science. I felt responsible for them all, and I hoped that I had covered what they needed to know in enough detail for them to make it through.

I mentioned that feeling to Lilly on Thursday evening, after we’d done one last round of tutoring each other in our respective areas. She smiled in her gentle way, and said, “It sounds like you may have found your calling, Hisao. The best teachers are invested in their students’ success.”

I ran a nervous hand through my hair. “Yeah, but…what about the ones who fail? What if I did something wrong, or could have taught them better?”

She shook her head. “They’re people. Some will always do better, some will always do worse. All you can do is your best, and hope you got through to enough of them.”

I sighed. “I just hope training will get rid of some of this nervousness. I mean, the past couple of months have been amateur hour. I hope university will at least make it a little easier.”

She chuckled. “I think so. You don’t see too many of our teachers fretting and worrying on a daily basis. They care, yes, but they also know their limits.”

“True…though I hope I never get as, ah, _laid back_ as Mutou.”

Lilly smiled. “I don’t think you need worry about that.”

 

* * *

 

I was nervous about not getting enough rest the night before the Center Tests. [I have enough problems sleeping as it is,] I grumbled to Shizune. [I don’t think I’ll sleep at _all_.]

[You could ask Nurse for a sleeping pill,] she suggested.

I sighed. [Given how many meds I take, with all the interactions, it would take a doctor a week to figure out what, if any, sedatives are safe for me to take. And by then the exams would be over anyway.]

[How many _are_ you taking at the moment?] she asked curiously. She knew the general answer, but the specifics kept changing as the cardiologist tweaked my regimen.

[Ten.]  I kept hoping for fewer, but the lowest I’d been since coming to Yamaku was nine, and for a few months I’d been taking twelve.

[You could do an extra swim practice. Wear yourself out a little.]

I smiled hopefully at her. [Or there are _other_ forms of exercise with proven track records for helping me sleep better.]

She stared at me incredulously. [How can you even _think_ about sex right now? Our whole futures are on the line here!]

I shrugged. [I was joking.] I hesitated, then added, [Mostly.]

She rolled her eyes. She didn’t say anything, but I could practically hear her thinking “Boys!”

 

* * *

 

To my own surprise, I managed to sleep almost five hours Friday night. That, a large cup of coffee, and quivering nerves were sufficient to keep me awake and focused for the exams. I started with History, easily my weakest subject, but I tried to encourage myself that it could only get better from there.

Misha had insisted that we meet for lunch. “I don’t care if we spend the whole time studying instead of talking, but you need fuel to keep your brains running!” she admonished us. I think we exchanged less than a dozen words over lunch, as we all pored over our notes, but she was right, food did help.

After lunch, I passed a boy from one of the local high schools who was standing just inside the entrance to the building, looking lost. I almost walked on by—I wasn’t being uncaring, but there were plenty of adult proctors around who could help him, and I hoped to get a few more minutes to review my notes. But I stopped when I realized that his fidgeting hands were actually signing, [Help, please?]

I caught his eye. [Do you need something?] I asked.

The look of relief on his face was immense. [Oh, thank heavens!]

[What’s wrong?] I asked.

[I need to find the room for the alternative English tests.] Those were a series of tests for students who were deaf, mute, or had speech impediments of some sort, and couldn’t take the standard oral portion of the foreign language test.

I nodded. [It’s upstairs, in room…] I paused, racking my aching brain for what Shizune had said. [Room 233.]

[Aren’t you heading there too?]

I shook my head. [I’m hearing. My girlfriend is deaf. She’s already up there.] I smiled. [You won’t be able to miss her—she’s the one with a cast on her arm.]

He shuddered in apparent sympathy. [That’s got to be no fun.]

[Yeah, that’s one way to put it.] I’d been wondering how the examiners would account for that temporary secondary handicap.

I gestured towards the stairs. [Come on, we should get to our exams.]

[Right. Thank you for your assistance.] He gave me a quick but heartfelt bow.

[Good luck!] I waved and headed off to my own exams. Social studies, followed by English, in my case. I just hoped I wouldn’t embarrass Lilly.

That evening, Shizune, Misha, Shori, and I all grabbed a quick dinner together before diving into our final evening of cramming. [Did you see a guy in a dark blue gakuran in the alternative language test?] I asked Shizune and Shori.

Shizune nodded. [He sought me out after the tests, asked me to thank you for your assistance.] She flashed a brief smile. [I guess my cast made me easy to spot.]

[Happy to help,] I said. [I found it odd to think of deaf students in regular high schools.]

Shori snorted. [Not everyone can afford Yamaku, Hisao. I attended public schools until two years ago, when my parents were able to arrange for me to come here.]

I hadn’t known that. [Was public high school very different?]

Shori rolled her eyes. [ _Very_. I didn’t have it too bad, since I can speak and speechread, but I had a deaf classmate who couldn’t do either, and he was miserable. We were thrown together a lot just by virtue of the fact that we could talk with each other.] She looked sad for a moment. [I heard over break that he dropped out of school last fall. I guess without me there…] She grimaced and shook her head. [It’s not easy.]

[How sad,] said Misha, looking distraught.

If I were to get more formal training in sign language, maybe I wouldn’t necessarily be limited to schools for the deaf and disabled. There might be a need for teachers with sign skills in other schools, too.

But, that was a worry for another day. We all turned back to our notes and continued studying as we ate.

 

* * *

 

The second day of testing was maths and sciences. On the one hand, it was nice to have what was, for me, the easier subjects to finish with. On the other hand, these exams were more meaningful to my future career than civics or history were, and so they were more stressful in that regard. Cumulative stress and fatigue made the exams feel almost surreal, but fortunately I knew this subject matter well enough that I could settle into them and power through, feeling fairly good about it all by the end of the day.

And then, just like _that_ …it was all over.

After all those months of stress and study and sleepless nights, it didn’t quite seem real that it could all pass in just two days. Two very _long_ days, admittedly, but still. Just one weekend, and done. I’d probably have to take a university-specific set of tests later in the spring, but I’d worry about that later.

I didn’t even go to dinner Sunday evening. I just went back to my room and collapsed. My bladder woke me a few hours later, and I groggily took care of that, then took my evening pills and undressed for bed. I vaguely wondered how Shizune was doing, but I suspected she was as wiped out as I. I fell into a deep and dreamless slumber, with no threat of insomnia to plague me.

Monday morning, I woke up around ten. At first I thought it was ten p.m. of the night before, but the sunlight disputed that notion. I had somehow managed to sleep through all three of my morning alarms, and miss my swim. For once, I didn’t think Shizune would comment, despite my having missed Saturday and Sunday also. I was surprised to find some part of me wished I hadn’t slept through my workout. I decided to check out the pool’s availability that afternoon, and make up for a little lost time.

By the time I sluiced off my body and had gotten dressed, it was almost lunch time, so I wandered over to the cafeteria. First and second year classes hadn’t gotten out for lunch yet, so it was just me and a handful of other third-year students, most of us looking like barely animated zombies. I grabbed a cup of coffee and a pastry, then dropped into a seat by myself when I didn’t see anyone I knew around.

A lot of third year students had headed home yesterday, right after exams ended, but I wanted to spend time with Shizune. And things with my mother were still unsettled. In our emails back and forth over the last few weeks, she seemed to be getting more resigned to my relationship with Shizune, but I was holding out hope for something a little more enthusiastic than merely “resigned.” I knew that I’d need to visit home, to continue my “campaign” in person, in order to make better headway with her, but I didn’t mind putting that off for a little while yet.

“Hey, Hisao.” I looked up to see Shori carrying a tray over to where I sat. She set the tray down and settled into a seat with a groan. She wasn’t wearing a school uniform, but nor was she in her preferred black laces and crinolines. She looked quite different.

[I think this is the first time I’ve seen you in blue jeans and a t-shirt,] I said to her.

She smiled mirthlessly. [I’m too tired to do my makeup properly.] Ah, that was the other thing that was different about her.

[Me too,] I said, deadpan. She looked startled for a moment, then she gave me a more genuine grin.

[If you ever want a makeover, I'd be happy to help,] she offered.

I laughed at that, then heard Misha ask, “What's so funny?” She walked up to our table and sat down, a lunch tray in hand. She leaned her head on Shori’s shoulder, and relaxed a little further.

[Shori was just offering to give me a makeover,] I said.

Misha burst into laughter. “Wahaha~! I'd pay good money to see that!”

I grinned. “Well, if I ever need to raise some funds, I'll keep that in mind.”

Shizune walked up behind Misha and flicked her ear. Misha jumped and sat up. “Ow!” She turned around to see Shizune frowning at her.

[No PDAs in the cafeteria!] Shizune scolded, although her eyes were twinkling.

Misah rubbed her ear and rolled her eyes. “ _Really_ , Shicchan? We’re almost graduates, not students anymore!”

[‘Almost’ being the operative word there,] Shizune replied, then sat down next to me, leaving a decorous distance between us. I promptly defeated her propriety by grabbing her hand and giving it a kiss. She blushed and jerked her hand away from me, much to Shori’s and Misha’s amusement.

[Do I need to flick you ear too?] Shizune asked. I grinned and held protective hands over my ears, which just increased the laughter from the other side of the table.

Shizune looked at the laughing couple opposite us, and shook her head. [I think the tests have left some people a little punch drunk.]

“We’re not the only ones,” Misha said. “Hicchan was just asking Shori for a makeover~!”

“Wha? _No_ , that’s not what I said!” I said, but my protest was just met by renewed laughter among the other three. Even Shizune laughed out loud, which I took to mean she was a little punchy too. I sighed and rolled my eyes. It was worth a little indignity to hear Shizune laugh.

Just as long as they didn’t start pulling out their makeup kits.

 

* * *

 

A few days later, Shizune and I were cuddled up together in her room, watching a movie on her laptop, when her doorbell rang and flashed. Shizune paused the movie, and, since she was sitting leaning against me, she got up to answer the door.

She opened the door to reveal Misha, looking remarkably somber. [Hi, Shicchan. Can I come in?]

Shizune just stepped back and gestured her into the room. Misha’s lips twitched in an incredibly feeble attempt at a smile when she spotted me, but she said nothing else. She just sat down on Shizune’s desk chair and slumped, staring at the floor. She was clutching a crumpled sheet of paper in her hand.

“Misha? Is something wrong?” I asked. Shizune closed the door and went to stand beside Misha.

“I…I got…” She caught herself and switched to sign. [I got accepted. At NYU.] She looked miserable.

Shizune and I exchanged puzzled looks. “Um, sakura saku?” I hesitantly offered the traditional congratulatory saying for folks who pass their exams. But she didn’t look like she was enjoying the prospect of her “flowering spring” that came from passing exams.

Since Misha was looking at the floor, not us, Shizune asked, “Why are you sad? That wash one of your first choices, yes?”

Misha looked up at the sound of Shizune’s voice. Her lower lip quivered for a moment, then she asked, “But wh…what about…Shori?”

Oh, yeah. That.

Shizune wrapped her arm around her, hugging her gently so as to not press her too hard against her cast.

Misha looked lost and bereft. “I thought I’d be so _happy_ if I got admitted to a university. _Any_ university, let alone one of my top choices. But now…” She grimaced.

“May I see that?” I asked, pointing to the letter in her hand. She just shrugged and handed it over wordlessly.

I smoothed it out and looked it over. It was a testament to Lilly’s tutoring that I was able to read it fairly quickly. “Misha…” I said slowly. “This is a full tuition scholarship. That’s…” I did an approximate conversion in my head. “That’s around fifteen million yen.” I looked up at her, stunned.

“I know,” she said miserably.

“What was that?” Shizune asked. I hadn’t signed since I was holding the paper, and Misha seemed too depressed to interpret my words. I handed Shizune the letter and repeated my statement. Shizune’s eyes went wide too.

“Misha, I…I’m sho proud of you,” Shizune said out loud, since Misha was still staring at the floor.

Misha looked up at that, and tried to smile. “Thank you, Shicchan.”

Shizune seemed to be struggling with what to say next, but she settled on, [What is it you want to do?]

Misha resumed signing with her speech. “I want…I want to go to New York. But…”

“Do you want to stay here with Shori instead?” I asked.

Misha bit her lip. “I…I don’t know, Hicchan.”

Shizune arched an eyebrow at that. [If you ‘don’t know,’ I think that means you actually know what you want. You just don’t want to say it.]

Misha squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, looking pained. She nodded.

[Are things not going well with you and Shori?]

Misha shrugged. “They’re going…okay. We have fun. But…”

“But what?” I prompted after a long pause.

“But I look at you two, or Suzu and Taro, or Natsu and Naomi, and…and I just don't look at Shori like that.”

“Look at her?” I said blankly. “Like what?”

“Like the way you look at Shicchan, or the way she looks at you. You know. Like she's the most wonderful thing in the world. Like you're in love.”

I blushed at that observation, but Shizune looked even more rattled. [Is it…that obvious?] she asked, wide eyed.

Misha looked at the expression on Shizune’s face, and laughed, her mood lightening a little. “Oh, Shicchan. Of _course_ it is.”

[Oh.]

[Is that something to be ashamed of?] I teased.

Shizune frowned and shook her head at me. [Of course not. I just wasn't aware we were so…obvious.]

“Wait a minute,” I said, my brain finally catching up with what Misha had just said. “Natsume and Naomi? Really?”

Shizune and Misha gave each other identical resigned looks. Thanks to Iwanako, I now recognized the sign for “oblivious idiot” when Shizune flicked her fingers at Misha in a sentence too quick for me to completely follow. Not that I tried very hard.

“Oh, never mind,” I grumbled.

At least I managed to provide Misha with some amusement, however temporarily. Her smile faded, and she asked us, “Would you be willing to help me talk to her?”

I thought about that for a moment. “You’d only need help if you were going to…” I trailed off as Misha nodded sadly.

“I need…I need to tell her that I’m leaving.” She closed her eyes and continued, almost too quietly for me to hear her, “I need to break up with her.”

“Oh.” I frowned, and exchanged a glance with Shizune. “I really think…that’s something you should do in private, Misha. I don’t think she’d appreciate having an audience.”

[But we will be here for you to talk with, afterwards,] Shizune said.

Misha slumped, but after a moment, she nodded. “Yeah. You’re right.” She stood up, and turned toward the door, looking like she was going to her execution. I intercepted her before she reached the door and gave her a hug. “Really. We’ll be here for you.”

She hugged me back, and gave me a tremulous smile as she pulled back. “Thank you, Hicchan.”

 

* * *

 

But two hours later, she still hadn’t returned to Shizune’s room. It was nearing the end of dinner time, so we left Misha a note on the door and headed to the cafeteria to grab something before it closed.

We’d only just sat down to eat when I noticed two students entering even later than us, and looked over to see Misha and Shori walk in. To my amazement, they both looked relaxed and happy. Did Misha decide to not talk with Shori about getting admitted to NYU?

I poked Shizune in the arm, and when she looked up at me, annoyed by the rough gesture, I pointed toward the couple walking toward us. Her eyebrows shot up. She turned to me and held her hand in front of her mouth so Shori couldn’t read her. “Didn’t Misha tell her yet?” she asked in as quiet a voice as she could manage. I just shrugged helplessly.

“Hi, guys~!” Misha said happily as they sat down at the table with us. Shori just nodded a greeting.

“Hi, Misha. Shori. Um…how’re you doing?” I asked cautiously. I didn’t want to spill any beans if Misha were keeping secrets. I just hoped that Misha hadn’t brought Shori here to break up with her with us as witnesses. That would just be all kinds of awkward.

“Did you hear the good news?” Shori asked excitedly.

“Ah…” I wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Misha got admitted to NYU!” she continued. She beamed proudly at Misha. “Full sholarship, too!”

[Yes, we heard. It’s wonderful news,] Shizune responded, recovering faster than I did.

“Misha?” I muttered without moving my lips. “What’s going on?” I felt a little rude sneaking a verbal conversation in front of Shizune and Shori, but I was really confused.

Misha laughed. “Hahaha~! It’s all fine, Hicchan. Really.”

I resumed signing and speaking. “Oh. That’s nice.” Then I got stuck for what to say next.

Misha leaned against Shori for a moment, then sat up before Shizune could say anything. “I forgot that I had mentioned in sign class last fall that I was hoping to get into NYU. Shori…” Misha hesitated, then switched to just sign for a little more privacy. [She knew all along I might be leaving Japan. It’s always been a short-term relationship from her point of view.]

[It’s been fun, but…we’re both going in very different directions,] Shori added. She smiled down at Misha. [ _Really_ fun.]

Misha grinned back. [So, we’ll just make the most of the time we have left!]

“Ah. Well. I’m glad…things are working out so well for you,” I said.

[We should celebrate your good news,] Shizune added. [Dinner out tomorrow?]

[Somewhere nicer than the Shanghai?] I offered.

“As long as they have parfaits!” Misha said.

 

* * *

 

The day the Center Test results were to be posted, Shizune was practically vibrating out of her seat at breakfast. At a casual glance, she projected an ostensible air of confidence, but Misha and I knew her well enough to see through that facade to the nerves that lay underneath. It wouldn’t be the end of the world if her scores weren’t good enough for Kyoto University. She wouldn’t be the first qualified person who failed to get admitted. But although she kept reminding us that there were plenty of options, she really had her heart set on it.

[This is just step one,] Shizune reminded us. Reminded herself. [Even if my scores are good enough, I still need to pass KU’s entrance exams too.]

[You’ll do great, Shicchan!] Misha assured her. [If anyone can do it, it’s you!] Shori nodded in agreement.

I felt the same way, but at the same time, I wanted to be able to pick her spirits up if her scores fell short of the near-perfect scores she’d need to move on. [You’re brilliant, driven, and capable. No matter where you end up, you’ll do well.]

Honestly, I was happy to have Shizune’s stress to worry about. It kept me distracted from my own worries. I had no real concerns for the maths and sciences sections of the exams; I was pretty sure I’d done more than well enough there. My stumbling blocks would be the history and civics sections. I needed to do at least passably well in those to get into a decent school, even though I was planning on teaching science.

If you’d asked me six months ago who’d be the least worried about exam results, I would _not_ have picked Misha. But having already been admitted to NYU, the exams were fairly meaningless for her. She came along to see our scores mostly out of curiosity and for moral support.

The scores were posted on a large bulletin board right outside the main administration office. There was a much shorter list, in Braille, at one end of the board for the visually impaired students.

I would have thought Shizune would want to be there the instant they were posted, but she didn’t. [If we just wait five minutes, the crowd won’t be as crazy. And we won’t risk getting our toes run over by impatient wheelchair users.]

I could see her point, though I was gritting my teeth the whole five minutes. But she was right; when we walked into the administration building, the majority of students had already come and gone, and we were able to peruse the board without crowds jostling our elbows.

We started alphabetically and worked our way down the board: Hakamichi, Mikado, Nakai, and Takagi.

Shizune’s scores were exemplary, of course. All 98th or 99th percentile. “Well, that’s definitely good enough to get you a shot at KU,” I said with a smile.

“Sakura saku!” cheered Misha, beaming at Shizune.

Shizune looked relieved. I’d been pretty sure she would earn one of the highest scores in the school, but I was happy she hadn’t stumbled in some way.

Misha’s scores were surprisingly good. I’d known she was bright, under the bubbly airhead exterior she projected, and NYU wouldn’t have offered a scholarship to just anyone, but even so, seeing her scores were all in the eighties surprised me. Which made me feel a little guilty, for doubting her so. “Sakura saku,” I said to her again, and, unlike the first time I’d said that to her when she told us of her scholarship, she grinned back at me.

“Thanks~! Now let’s see yours!”

I took a deep breath and skipped down a few lines to my scores. Sciences and maths were all in the high nineties. Everything else was eighties to low nineties. I blinked as I realized that Misha had gotten better scores than I had in social studies and English. Only by a couple of percentile points, but still.

“Not bad,” observed Shori.

“And you?” Misha said to her girlfriend. We all stepped down to the next page of scores. Shori’s scores were in the same range as Misha’s.

Shori sagged a little in relief. “Thank heavens. My mother would have killed me if I had to take a ronin year.” She grinned at me. “And I have you to thank for not failing the sciences portion.”

I waved that aside. “You’d have done fine without me.”

“Doubtful. I bet you’re responsible for at least ten percentile points of my score, if not more.”

I felt warmed by her thanks. “Well, you’re welcome. It was fun to teach you.”

“Really?”

I grinned. “Yeah. Really. I actually do enjoy this teaching stuff.”

I heard a gentle cough behind us, and a man’s voice saying, “Miss Mikado, might I impose upon your sign interpretation skills for a moment?”

We turned to see Yamaku’s principal standing behind us, smiling.

“Of course, Principal-san~!” Misha beamed.

He nodded his thanks to her, then turned to address Shizune. “Miss Hakamicihi. As the former head of the student council, and the organizer of the study groups for our students this year, I thought you should know that this year’s graduating class had an eighty-seven percent pass rate on the Center Test, the highest in Yamaku’s history.” He then surprised us all by bowing to her. Shizune of course didn’t even blink, but bowed back, a small proud smile on her face.

“Thang you, sir,” she said. “I was pleased to be able to serve my fellow students.”

“You served them very well indeed. Please don’t hesitate to use me as a reference should you need to in the future.”

Shizune bowed again. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate that.”

He nodded to us. “Well, I won’t keep you from your celebrations. Sakura saku, all of you. You’ve done Yamaku proud.”

He went back into his office. I smiled proudly at Shizune, and she grinned back. Her plan had borne fruit. Not only had we passed the tests, but a record number of our classmates had as well.

“Good job, Shizune! You did it!” Misha said proudly.

Shizune shook her head, still smiling. [No, _we_ did it.] She glanced at me, and we said, in unison, “We win!”

 

 

 


	19. EPILOGUE

_September 30, 2018, 10:48 p.m._

 

Shizune screamed. 

It wasn’t the first time she’d screamed in the last few hours. Though hopefully it might be the last. 

I tried to catch her eye as she gasped and panted. [Come on, honey, you can do it! Breath!] 

“Don’…you…‘honey’… _me!”_ she snarled. “Thish is _your_ fault! You put thish thin’ inside me!” 

“Just one more push,” the obstetrician said. “The baby is crowning, it’s almost here.” 

[Almost done,] I said encouragingly. [Just one more push, the doctor says.] 

Shizune looked like she wanted to push _me_ out the window, but as her abdomen rippled and another contraction began, she closed her eyes and bore down with all her might. “ _Aarrgghh!”_ She grabbed my hand and squeezed, her face contorted with a terrifying mixture of pain and determination. I felt my phlanges and metacarpals bending under her grip, but I didn’t protest. 

“Keep pushing. Good, good, here it comes, one more, come on, you can do it!” The doctor knew Shizune was deaf, but I guess she just reflexively encouraged mothers through the birth process. I looked away from Shizune’s face just in time to see a wet red and white squirmy mass emerge from between her legs. 

“Here she is!” exclaimed the doctor. Shizune moaned in wordless relief as the baby slithered out of her. 

_She?_ My heart leapt. We had a daughter. 

“She’s beautiful,” cooed a nurse, as she took the baby from the doctor and quickly wiped her face clear. Shizune let go of my hand and reached toward the baby, making wordless sounds of desire, her tone and body language plainly saying “Give her to me!” 

Once she was sure the baby was breathing properly, the nurse obliged, placing the still wet little girl on Shizune’s bare chest. Shizune gasped as she wrapped our child in her arms for the first time, and then she began to cry, laughing and crying at the same time as she cuddled our little girl. I had to wipe my eyes too. “Hello, Kimiko,” Shizune cooed through her tears. We’d decided ahead of time to name the baby after Shizune’s mother, if it turned out to be a girl. I’d suggested we might want to pick a name that was less difficult for her to pronounce, but she had been adamant, and had practiced the name over the last six months until she had it perfectly.  

“Hello, Kimiko,” I echoed. She began to wail, and I laughed too. [She’s definitely not mute,] I told Shizune. [Good strong lungs.] 

Shizune smiled, and nuzzled the top of Kimiko’s head. “Shh, shh,” she said quietly. “Don’ cry sweetie. Mama’s here.” Kimiko paused in her wailing, as if responding to the sound of Shizune’s voice. Shizune shot me a look, and I nodded—I’d noticed it too. She bit her lip, then snapped her fingers near Kimiko’s head. Kimiko jerked, and began to wail again. 

[Not deaf, either,] I said. 

Shizune nodded, somberly this time. That was a mixed blessing to her. She didn’t _want_ our child to be disadvantaged in the world, yet at the same time, having another family member in the deaf community could have been nice for her. [She’ll be fully bilingual,] I reminded Shizune. Most babies could “speak” in sign long before they mastered verbal speech. 

The nurse let Shizune hold her for a few more minutes, then she took her back for a quick cleaning and weighing and other medical procedures. Shizune endured the indignities of postpartum cleanup, and another nurse and I helped her change into a less sweat-soaked nightgown. 

Within five minutes, Kimiko was back. In _my_ arms this time, and bundled in a soft floral print blanket. I was entranced by how her scrunched up little red face could be the most beautiful thing in creation. 

My phone, sitting on a side table, vibrated, as it had almost every thirty minutes for the last six hours. I sighed, and shot Shizune a wry smile as I shifted Kimiko to cradle her in one arm, and I picked up the phone with the other hand. “Hello, Mother,” I said, without bothering to check the caller ID. “Guess who I’ve got in my arms?” 

My mother’s response was a sharp intake of breath and a little squeal, quite unlike any sound I’d ever heard her make before. “ _Who?”_

“I’m holding Kimiko Shiina Hakamichi-Nakai,” I said proudly, staring into her little face. Her face went blurry as tears welled up in my eyes again, and I ducked my head to wipe my eyes on my shirt sleeve. 

“Ooohhh,” my mother crooned. “I bet she’s _beautiful_.” 

I laughed. “That she is. The most beautiful thing in the world.” 

“How’s Shizune?” asked my father. 

I looked over at Shizune, who was watching Kimiko and me like a sleepy hawk, a gentle smile on her face. “Tired, but good. Looking happy.” 

“What did—” my mother began, but my father cut her off. 

“Well, we won’t keep you long, I know you’ve got better things to do, we’re just happy to hear the good news.” 

“Thanks, Dad,” I said, smiling at his thoughtfulness. 

“Send us pic—” my mother started to say, then apparently my father hung up the phone on her. 

I set down the phone, and gave Kimiko a little kiss on the forehead. I handed her back to Shizune, who snuggled her close and looked remarkably pleased. 

[That was my parents, as I’m sure you could guess,] I said. [I should probably call Jigoro. And Shiina, and Hideaki, and Lilly, too.] 

Shizune nodded, and kissed Kimiko. “Soon,” she said. “Be with ush for a while, first. You’re her father.” 

Her words hit me like a punch to the gut. It wasn’t as if it were a surprise—I’d been adjusting to the idea of being a father for the past year and a half—but having Kimiko here, in front of us, where we could touch her, hear her, smell her, made it all seem infinitely more real. Up until now a baby had been an abstract idea, not a concrete reality. The concept of  _fatherhood_ had been somewhat abstract. But no longer. 

I perched on the edge of the bed and wrapped my arm around Shizune’s shoulders. I gave her a kiss, and she smiled at me, then we both looked back down at the beautiful little bundle she was holding in her arms. 

“Hi, Kimiko,” I said again, gently stroking her downy soft cheek. “Welcome to the world.” 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...we come to the end. This whole story, all 73,000 words of it, started out with a simple two-word sentence: "Shizune screamed." I wondered why, & had to write it to find out. I had nothing planned beyond those two words when I began, and it probably shows, but I feel like it grew organically from that. 
> 
> Thanks to Feurox and Zee for beta reading and comments and encouragement. & thanks again to Feurox [for the lovely music!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S1TiKC6HlJE&feature=youtu.be)
> 
> & thanks to everyone for your comments & kudos.


End file.
